Remember that feeling when you walk into a classroom, join a training camp, board a bus or come late to a party? Your eyes scan furiously for that one known face, that connection with someone, or just friendly eye contact with the first retina. Just an acknowledgment, a minute gesture, perhaps that nod or those first words is all you seek. If you are an extrovert, you may be the one that initiates this, but if you are an introvert, this can be horribly uncomfortable. This post is written from the perspective of an introvert who folks seldom realize I am.

Introverts know other introverts and there is a magical alignment between us. Introversion without words, gestures or clues, somehow permeates and carries to the brain of others. So, in that scenario where you are entering a party but do not have the option to duck into a corner, atleast imminently, there can be a few moments, minutes or even hours of excruciating discomfort that feels harder than taking an ice bath in the Antarctic.

That was the feeling I had in elementary school, entering a new class at the Pune Vidya Bhavan in Ghatkopar, Bombay. The demographics were not too steady as people moved around in Bombay at the time and kids were not all continuing across the years. So the annual ice bath lasted days when I did not really make any good friends and did not exchange many words or gestures. Worse, I picked up fights and started on the wrong footing with some of the gangs!

I was by no means a quiet kid or someone who kept to myself, but making connections was especially hard. I have often wondered whether this is due to an inherent lack of trust, a defensiveness of sorts, or due to some powerful bonds within the family or friends’ circle that were irreplaceable by others who you met only for a few hours, albeit, every day. Anyways, a few students would come and talk in between “subjects” or at “recess”. But these were brief conversations and not much transpired or with any sort of consistency. The state of affairs did not change for a few weeks, maybe a month into the school year, until that first active gesture, in this case, a call for help came. Explicitly a call for help as I recall…..

In our math class, one late afternoon, many of the kids were distracted by the sounds of kids playing in the playground for the final period of the day. It was just this math class standing in the way of getting back home and having fun or a snack, whatever was fancied. The teachers in India had a great knack of getting students’ attention. They would begin calling out names and asking them to answer a question or read from their work, else come to the black board to solve a problem. Yes, this happened, even in Kindergarten (2 levels - Upper or lower KG, some had pre-KG as well!). If kids did not answer the question or make an earnest attempt, the homework would double, to ensure the learning experience continues and that the right behaviors were promoted. Was it medieval, yes, if you look at it today, but back in the day, it was par for the course, especially in India.

Those who were not paying attention would get a little freaked out by this change in direction as it would come without any warning and even as the questions were being asked, there would be a panic to get to the answer in the time it took the teacher to come up with the assignee that was to answer it.

Such was the situation when a whisper called out to me from across the aisle asking for the answer to a question posed by the teacher. I can't remember the problem but I remember how earnest the eyes making the request were. I was less than 50% confident on the answer. The teacher had called out 2 boys and one girl and all of them fumbled the answer. This girl, let's call her Gaby, did not want to be singled out as one who did not know the answer. I wrote out what I thought was the answer into a chit of paper and threw it across the aisle to her desk. She gave me a beaming smile and a nod. Somehow the connection was immediate - it was gratitude for my willingness to help.

No, this ain't a Bollywood movie, so neither of us was called and I do not even remember whether the answer was correct. I would go out of the way to take a few long walks back home through her flat so that we could be talking before we headed home. She helped me with a few homework assignments when I got sick and could not attend school for a long time. My mother became good friends with hers, so we met a few times outside of school and would play at her place most often as mine was fairly crowded and crummy at the time ;) But it did not last; that moment forged a friendship that lasted all year until it was time for me to leave school for Kuwait. No social networks, and expensive phone calls via ISD and perhaps, with distance, no common topics to keep in touch for. At that time you tend to think it is all over, but alas, years later, it is these moments and experiences that one remembers. I remember being fascinated by this friendship then and even now I occasionally search through social networks but have no clue what to find. I don't even know her last name or whereabouts or even if I did find her, what am I going to say? Hey... 40 years ago, I helped out with a Math problem, remember?? ;)

The reason scenes in movies like '96 or Forrest Gump work is that they are real. And they are evergreen and work at any age. Be it the first grade of the first year of college or any time after that.

#friends #first love #bondsthatlast

Remember that feeling when you walk into a classroom, join a training camp, board a bus or come late to a party? Your eyes scan furiously for that one known face, that connection with someone, or just friendly eye contact with the first retina. Just an acknowledgment, a minute gesture, perhaps that nod or those first words is all you seek. If you are an extrovert, you may be the one that initiates this, but if you are an introvert, this can be horribly uncomfortable. This post is written from the perspective of an introvert who folks seldom realize I am.

Introverts know other introverts and there is a magical alignment between us. Introversion without words, gestures or clues, somehow permeates and carries to the brain of others. So, in that scenario where you are entering a party but do not have the option to duck into a corner, atleast imminently, there can be a few moments, minutes or even hours of excruciating discomfort that feels harder than taking an ice bath in the Antarctic.

That was the feeling I had in elementary school, entering a new class at the Pune Vidya Bhavan in Ghatkopar, Bombay. The demographics were not too steady as people moved around in Bombay at the time and kids were not all continuing across the years. So the annual ice bath lasted days when I did not really make any good friends and did not exchange many words or gestures. Worse, I picked up fights and started on the wrong footing with some of the gangs!

I was by no means a quiet kid or someone who kept to myself, but making connections was especially hard. I have often wondered whether this is due to an inherent lack of trust, a defensiveness of sorts, or due to some powerful bonds within the family or friends’ circle that were irreplaceable by others who you met only for a few hours, albeit, every day. Anyways, a few students would come and talk in between “subjects” or at “recess”. But these were brief conversations and not much transpired or with any sort of consistency. The state of affairs did not change for a few weeks, maybe a month into the school year, until that first active gesture, in this case, a call for help came. Explicitly a call for help as I recall…..

In our math class, one late afternoon, many of the kids were distracted by the sounds of kids playing in the playground for the final period of the day. It was just this math class standing in the way of getting back home and having fun or a snack, whatever was fancied. The teachers in India had a great knack of getting students’ attention. They would begin calling out names and asking them to answer a question or read from their work, else come to the black board to solve a problem. Yes, this happened, even in Kindergarten (2 levels - Upper or lower KG, some had pre-KG as well!). If kids did not answer the question or make an earnest attempt, the homework would double, to ensure the learning experience continues and that the right behaviors were promoted. Was it medieval, yes, if you look at it today, but back in the day, it was par for the course, especially in India.

Those who were not paying attention would get a little freaked out by this change in direction as it would come without any warning and even as the questions were being asked, there would be a panic to get to the answer in the time it took the teacher to come up with the assignee that was to answer it.

Such was the situation when a whisper called out to me from across the aisle asking for the answer to a question posed by the teacher. I can't remember the problem but I remember how earnest the eyes making the request were. I was less than 50% confident on the answer. The teacher had called out 2 boys and one girl and all of them fumbled the answer. This girl, let's call her Gaby, did not want to be singled out as one who did not know the answer. I wrote out what I thought was the answer into a chit of paper and threw it across the aisle to her desk. She gave me a beaming smile and a nod. Somehow the connection was immediate - it was gratitude for my willingness to help.

No, this ain't a Bollywood movie, so neither of us was called and I do not even remember whether the answer was correct. I would go out of the way to take a few long walks back home through her flat so that we could be talking before we headed home. She helped me with a few homework assignments when I got sick and could not attend school for a long time. My mother became good friends with hers, so we met a few times outside of school and would play at her place most often as mine was fairly crowded and crummy at the time ;) But it did not last; that moment forged a friendship that lasted all year until it was time for me to leave school for Kuwait. No social networks, and expensive phone calls via ISD and perhaps, with distance, no common topics to keep in touch for. At that time you tend to think it is all over, but alas, years later, it is these moments and experiences that one remembers. I remember being fascinated by this friendship then and even now I occasionally search through social networks but have no clue what to find. I don't even know her last name or whereabouts or even if I did find her, what am I going to say? Hey... 40 years ago, I helped out with a Math problem, remember?? ;)

The reason scenes in movies like '96 or Forrest Gump work is that they are real. And they are evergreen and work at any age. Be it the first grade of the first year of college or any time after that.

#friends #first love #bondsthatlast