This phrase came up in 2 very different conversations today.One at work and another at home regarding work. But both led to the same question, whether one does something expecting something else in return? Intriguing.

At some fundamental level, it is human to expect. Whether an outcome, or something in return, some material feeling or object, whether joy or a favor. Most of us get attached to these things or products we expect. That leads to disappointment or greed if that outcome is not achieved or is achieved easily. We always want more for some instant gratification or delayed gratification, perhaps something in future.

So, in these conversations, both the individuals had been expecting something, had a definition of what they would do with that something and were already counting the days to attaining it. When they did not get it at the time they expected, those that were supposed to give it to them, kept delaying gratification, getting more from them, but not providing what was expected. There were excuses, no standards, no hygiene and yet these people put up with it. Why? Their attachment to the outcome. Their expectations growing and disappointments suppressed despite not getting what they had wanted years ago.

So when I gave them the same advice I give anyone, that is, do what pleases you but do not expect anything in return and certainly do not give anything more because you get attached to getting something even more. I am a simple person that way, I live today, don’t have any expectations about how tomorrow will go and just figure it out as I go through the day. Sure I have some plans but do not know if I will live up to those plans. One step after another. Midway in the day the plans will change, priorities will adjust and I will get a lot done, but it may almost never be what I thought I would.

But, “I am not a saint. I do have attachments, I like to live for something.”, they both told me, both of them today! That something unfortunately if material, will always be fleeting, and will never give joy. This takes a while to understand and some never do.

What are the things that give us lasting joy? Think about it. Was it something material? I drive a Tesla, sure it gives me joy everytime I sit on it and turn on Full self driving. But is that lasting joy? Will it get offset if I see a better car doing more self driving for a fraction of the price or twice the range? Perhaps not as much. When we get that long overdue promotion several years after we think we deserved it, are we overjoyed and say, this is it. That’s all I wanted and now I can live in peace? Not one person I have met has said this even as a fictitious story. On the other hand, those that live with no real expectations and accept that we don’t control everything, except our own mind and reactions to situations are much happier. Do you notice sometimes from your car windows that people waiting in the traffic light don’t have a smile, they barely look at anything other than their phones, seem to have a frown? Whereas you may notice a street dweller or someone riding on a two wheeler seem much happier. They are talking to their kids, they are looking around, they seem to embrace and appreciate their situation much more.

We are getting thankless as a species. We are constantly chasing something or the other and we are comparing ourselves with those around us. Most of these comparisons are to complain about what we don’t have, not about what we do. Sure this sounds like a recluse or resigned attitude, but paradoxically, the more we are able to enjoy what we have, the more we will get, but beware! Don’t expect this either. It just happens. For a religious person like me, if we leave it to the maker and the designer of the plan that we were put in this world for, and just walk the path, trying to feel happier about ourselves each day. We turn out okay. Everyone does at some level and if we live with that peace, we are much happier, might I say, as happy as a saint.

Peace be with you all.

This phrase came up in 2 very different conversations today.One at work and another at home regarding work. But both led to the same question, whether one does something expecting something else in return? Intriguing.

At some fundamental level, it is human to expect. Whether an outcome, or something in return, some material feeling or object, whether joy or a favor. Most of us get attached to these things or products we expect. That leads to disappointment or greed if that outcome is not achieved or is achieved easily. We always want more for some instant gratification or delayed gratification, perhaps something in future.

So, in these conversations, both the individuals had been expecting something, had a definition of what they would do with that something and were already counting the days to attaining it. When they did not get it at the time they expected, those that were supposed to give it to them, kept delaying gratification, getting more from them, but not providing what was expected. There were excuses, no standards, no hygiene and yet these people put up with it. Why? Their attachment to the outcome. Their expectations growing and disappointments suppressed despite not getting what they had wanted years ago.

So when I gave them the same advice I give anyone, that is, do what pleases you but do not expect anything in return and certainly do not give anything more because you get attached to getting something even more. I am a simple person that way, I live today, don’t have any expectations about how tomorrow will go and just figure it out as I go through the day. Sure I have some plans but do not know if I will live up to those plans. One step after another. Midway in the day the plans will change, priorities will adjust and I will get a lot done, but it may almost never be what I thought I would.

But, “I am not a saint. I do have attachments, I like to live for something.”, they both told me, both of them today! That something unfortunately if material, will always be fleeting, and will never give joy. This takes a while to understand and some never do.

What are the things that give us lasting joy? Think about it. Was it something material? I drive a Tesla, sure it gives me joy everytime I sit on it and turn on Full self driving. But is that lasting joy? Will it get offset if I see a better car doing more self driving for a fraction of the price or twice the range? Perhaps not as much. When we get that long overdue promotion several years after we think we deserved it, are we overjoyed and say, this is it. That’s all I wanted and now I can live in peace? Not one person I have met has said this even as a fictitious story. On the other hand, those that live with no real expectations and accept that we don’t control everything, except our own mind and reactions to situations are much happier. Do you notice sometimes from your car windows that people waiting in the traffic light don’t have a smile, they barely look at anything other than their phones, seem to have a frown? Whereas you may notice a street dweller or someone riding on a two wheeler seem much happier. They are talking to their kids, they are looking around, they seem to embrace and appreciate their situation much more.

We are getting thankless as a species. We are constantly chasing something or the other and we are comparing ourselves with those around us. Most of these comparisons are to complain about what we don’t have, not about what we do. Sure this sounds like a recluse or resigned attitude, but paradoxically, the more we are able to enjoy what we have, the more we will get, but beware! Don’t expect this either. It just happens. For a religious person like me, if we leave it to the maker and the designer of the plan that we were put in this world for, and just walk the path, trying to feel happier about ourselves each day. We turn out okay. Everyone does at some level and if we live with that peace, we are much happier, might I say, as happy as a saint.

Peace be with you all.