Psalm 115:11–15 (NIV)

11 You who fear him, trust in the Lord—
he is their help and shield.
12 The Lord remembers us and will bless us:
He will bless his people Israel,
he will bless the house of Aaron,
13 he will bless those who fear the Lord—
small and great alike.
14 May the Lord cause you to flourish,
both you and your children.
15 May you be blessed by the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

I woke up today already thinking negatively about how the day might go.

Lying in bed, talking to God, I asked for one simple thing:
that I wouldn’t spend the entire day in bed again.
That I would get up and not crawl back under the covers until 9pm.

When my alarm rang, I checked my phone.
Two different people had messaged me asking to meet this afternoon.

God does answer prayers.

Since I still had time this morning, I decided to do a 36-minute sit and write this before heading out to help a friend.

Today’s scripture calls us to trust in God.

It reminds us that He remembers us and He blesses us—small and great alike. We are created by Him, and everything we ask for ultimately comes from Him. The One who made all things decides what is given and when it is given.

As long as we keep communing with Him, we can trust that He will keep His promises.

As I reflected during my sit, two things kept surfacing.

The first question was uncomfortable but honest:
How much do I truly fear God?

I’ve been telling myself that the reason I’m returning to meditation is to hear His voice more clearly. Yet today, as I prepared to sit, my focus was scattered everywhere. My mind refused to settle.

We need a strong enough motivation to train in anything.

So I had to ask myself:
Is wanting to be closer to God really strong enough motivation for me?
Or am I just offering lip service without putting in the work?

I tried to clear my mind and focus on the breath of life God has given me. I told myself that I could give Him just these 36 minutes before moving on to my earthly tasks.

It proved harder than I expected.
I simply could not stay focused on Him.

That led me to my second realization.

I desperately need to retrain my focus.

Maybe it’s the past year of drifting without purpose, but something has weakened my ability to stay present. I noticed it based on my past sessions of writing this—constantly alt-tabbing the moment another thought appeared.

How easy it has been for the enemy to plant distractions and pull me away from God.

This realization hit me hard.

God has been placing signposts in my life, urging me to use my time better—yet I’ve kept allowing myself to retreat back into bed. A memory from two years ago keeps reappearing in my mind: Seeking a reading at a temple booth about money(i know it is a sin), the lady said I need to work for money. A good thing as some people work and still will not get money.

The strange thing is this:
I’ve been avoiding work for years, making excuses, yet God has still sustained me.

I didn’t want to admit it before, but I had a substance problem. It cost me relationships, time, and money. And yet, through it all, I was protected by a God who loves me.

That question sat heavily with me.

What now?

The first answer is clear:
I need to firm up my intention to meditate.

Meditation isn’t a chore—it’s a tool God has placed in my hands. It trains my focus and opens my spiritual awareness. It was once my strength, even my confidence. It was what drew boss to me. Somewhere along the way, that confidence turned into overconfidence, and I needed to be humbled.

Now clarity is returning.

I started this year with a fast to clear my mind, yet yesterday I still spent half the day in bed watching YouTube after church. That can’t continue.

I need to use my time better.

Priority matters:

1. Drawing closer to God

2. Building skills

3. Stacking cash

In that order.

Reaching this point in writing without getting distracted feels like a small victory. I’m still a work in progress, but I genuinely believe God wants 2026 to be a turning point in my life.

He will guide me.
He will strengthen me.

Lord, I will use my time more wisely.

I will reframe my mind to remember what truly brings joy—not lying down, not mindless consumption, but:

• Strengthening relationships, with You at the center

• Learning and growing, because a growing mind leads to better thoughts

• Building things that add value to the world

You gave me wisdom for a reason.

Now it’s time for me to use it.

Psalm 115:11–15 (NIV)

11 You who fear him, trust in the Lord—
he is their help and shield.
12 The Lord remembers us and will bless us:
He will bless his people Israel,
he will bless the house of Aaron,
13 he will bless those who fear the Lord—
small and great alike.
14 May the Lord cause you to flourish,
both you and your children.
15 May you be blessed by the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

I woke up today already thinking negatively about how the day might go.

Lying in bed, talking to God, I asked for one simple thing:
that I wouldn’t spend the entire day in bed again.
That I would get up and not crawl back under the covers until 9pm.

When my alarm rang, I checked my phone.
Two different people had messaged me asking to meet this afternoon.

God does answer prayers.

Since I still had time this morning, I decided to do a 36-minute sit and write this before heading out to help a friend.

Today’s scripture calls us to trust in God.

It reminds us that He remembers us and He blesses us—small and great alike. We are created by Him, and everything we ask for ultimately comes from Him. The One who made all things decides what is given and when it is given.

As long as we keep communing with Him, we can trust that He will keep His promises.

As I reflected during my sit, two things kept surfacing.

The first question was uncomfortable but honest:
How much do I truly fear God?

I’ve been telling myself that the reason I’m returning to meditation is to hear His voice more clearly. Yet today, as I prepared to sit, my focus was scattered everywhere. My mind refused to settle.

We need a strong enough motivation to train in anything.

So I had to ask myself:
Is wanting to be closer to God really strong enough motivation for me?
Or am I just offering lip service without putting in the work?

I tried to clear my mind and focus on the breath of life God has given me. I told myself that I could give Him just these 36 minutes before moving on to my earthly tasks.

It proved harder than I expected.
I simply could not stay focused on Him.

That led me to my second realization.

I desperately need to retrain my focus.

Maybe it’s the past year of drifting without purpose, but something has weakened my ability to stay present. I noticed it based on my past sessions of writing this—constantly alt-tabbing the moment another thought appeared.

How easy it has been for the enemy to plant distractions and pull me away from God.

This realization hit me hard.

God has been placing signposts in my life, urging me to use my time better—yet I’ve kept allowing myself to retreat back into bed. A memory from two years ago keeps reappearing in my mind: Seeking a reading at a temple booth about money(i know it is a sin), the lady said I need to work for money. A good thing as some people work and still will not get money.

The strange thing is this:
I’ve been avoiding work for years, making excuses, yet God has still sustained me.

I didn’t want to admit it before, but I had a substance problem. It cost me relationships, time, and money. And yet, through it all, I was protected by a God who loves me.

That question sat heavily with me.

What now?

The first answer is clear:
I need to firm up my intention to meditate.

Meditation isn’t a chore—it’s a tool God has placed in my hands. It trains my focus and opens my spiritual awareness. It was once my strength, even my confidence. It was what drew boss to me. Somewhere along the way, that confidence turned into overconfidence, and I needed to be humbled.

Now clarity is returning.

I started this year with a fast to clear my mind, yet yesterday I still spent half the day in bed watching YouTube after church. That can’t continue.

I need to use my time better.

Priority matters:

1. Drawing closer to God

2. Building skills

3. Stacking cash

In that order.

Reaching this point in writing without getting distracted feels like a small victory. I’m still a work in progress, but I genuinely believe God wants 2026 to be a turning point in my life.

He will guide me.
He will strengthen me.

Lord, I will use my time more wisely.

I will reframe my mind to remember what truly brings joy—not lying down, not mindless consumption, but:

• Strengthening relationships, with You at the center

• Learning and growing, because a growing mind leads to better thoughts

• Building things that add value to the world

You gave me wisdom for a reason.

Now it’s time for me to use it.