Sometimes my Mind has a bad bite, and the fear makes me keep Her numb.

But today I went for a walk and realized She wasn’t too scary.

Let me explain.

I didn’t want to go for a walk in silence, I didn’t. I wanted to bring my earbuds and listen to a self-help audiobook I’ve gotten into the habit of listening to. A voice to keep me from being alone with Her.

Does this remind you of the buds in Fahrenheit 451? Exactly. Just like that woman.

I sensed the desire for noise, but I withheld, in the same spirit as I withhold taking drugs or accept taking shots. I’m a piece of shit almost all the time, but once in a while, a sense of prudence allows me to make that right choice. And so, my feet moved towards the park, with only my watch and my mind to keep me company.

It takes me 22 minutes to walk a mile, and 24 minutes if I encounter squirrels.

I crossed the parking lot. She asked me, how are Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia different? I replied I didn't know, but it was an interesting question. Thailand had a lot of tourism, but Laos and Cambodia didn’t. She replied, I wonder why. And why is the geographical division between Thailand and Malaysia where it is?

The conversation continued.

With no transition, She saw a guy throwing a ball to his dog and then took on the topic of memories. She compelled me to recall random memories of the past. Images flashed: the vast orange canyons in Utah with my mom, the picnic with the lumpy ground and bugs and sour wine, and fostering a neighborhood cat with my first boyfriend. Do this for fun when you are older, she suggested.

Then the two minutes were added, because I saw a squirrel so still I thought it might be a park gnome. I stared at it for thirty seconds, and I didn’t move for ninety more, I guess. As soon as I realized it had a moving tail, another alive squirrel around 30 yards away came into view. It came toward me on the sidewalk, zigzagging slow then quick. This experience took up my entire mind.

By this point, I had realized that my Mind wasn’t dark today. She was bearable, and good company, even. She was scatterbrained (pun intended), nostalgic, curious, usually honest, scared, but not scary. I could spend time with her all day.

On our last part of the walk,

She and I collaborated on three adjectives that describe my being: Reliable, Curious, Resilient.

I arrived back at work.

My walk was complete.

Sometimes my Mind has a bad bite, and the fear makes me keep Her numb.

But today I went for a walk and realized She wasn’t too scary.

Let me explain.

I didn’t want to go for a walk in silence, I didn’t. I wanted to bring my earbuds and listen to a self-help audiobook I’ve gotten into the habit of listening to. A voice to keep me from being alone with Her.

Does this remind you of the buds in Fahrenheit 451? Exactly. Just like that woman.

I sensed the desire for noise, but I withheld, in the same spirit as I withhold taking drugs or accept taking shots. I’m a piece of shit almost all the time, but once in a while, a sense of prudence allows me to make that right choice. And so, my feet moved towards the park, with only my watch and my mind to keep me company.

It takes me 22 minutes to walk a mile, and 24 minutes if I encounter squirrels.

I crossed the parking lot. She asked me, how are Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia different? I replied I didn't know, but it was an interesting question. Thailand had a lot of tourism, but Laos and Cambodia didn’t. She replied, I wonder why. And why is the geographical division between Thailand and Malaysia where it is?

The conversation continued.

With no transition, She saw a guy throwing a ball to his dog and then took on the topic of memories. She compelled me to recall random memories of the past. Images flashed: the vast orange canyons in Utah with my mom, the picnic with the lumpy ground and bugs and sour wine, and fostering a neighborhood cat with my first boyfriend. Do this for fun when you are older, she suggested.

Then the two minutes were added, because I saw a squirrel so still I thought it might be a park gnome. I stared at it for thirty seconds, and I didn’t move for ninety more, I guess. As soon as I realized it had a moving tail, another alive squirrel around 30 yards away came into view. It came toward me on the sidewalk, zigzagging slow then quick. This experience took up my entire mind.

By this point, I had realized that my Mind wasn’t dark today. She was bearable, and good company, even. She was scatterbrained (pun intended), nostalgic, curious, usually honest, scared, but not scary. I could spend time with her all day.

On our last part of the walk,

She and I collaborated on three adjectives that describe my being: Reliable, Curious, Resilient.

I arrived back at work.

My walk was complete.