January 31st, 2023

by ALEX PADEN

This article is about crushing on an internet girl or boy

Ah, the enigma of my fairest maiden, thou art an internet user like thee or I, or perchance 'tis even thou. Such is my purpose in penning this missive, for I know not how to proceed. 'Tis a quandary, I could simply say "Hail, fair maid, I hold affection for thee," or I could declare, "On the twenty-second day of the third month, I shall visit thy fair city." Yet, I fear such words do not do justice to the depth of my feelings.

Thus, how does one declare their passion for a lady of the internet?

This article is meant for someone reading it, but for the rest of us, it’s really hard to find yourself having feelings for a person on The Internet! For those not fortunate enough to roam the country at leisure, whether trapped by finance, life, work, or beyond, it can seem like an imaginary quest of the heart only meant to toy with your emotions. Or is it? I don’t have the answer for you, but it’s why I’m writing this for all three of us. What third?! It’s my anon internet friend egging me on before life claims your heart first (oh, or sorry if it has, idk).

Why you? Initially, I had no feelings beyond my typical non-reality-anchored excitement, the joy of sharing ideas with someone who might relate to them. What startled me first, of course, was your brilliance, the ability to see things in myself that even I had failed to recognize. Still, I had no passion, just a mild enjoyment for teasing and learning. Then I read your writing, and that was the first time I realized your beauty; it is of a clarity that an author would strive to replicate, myself included. I can only humor the physical so much; you are so clearly stunning, I find your music taste fitting, but beyond that, you strike me as unique.

Here are some things to know about me

• I like to cook, but I wouldn’t say I like to cook too much. Sometimes I’ll forget the rules and fall fraught with the ambitions of meaningful life pursuit.

• I do my laundry, but most of my clothes are the same, call it minimalism or a broke-ass founder type boy; either one is valid from the eye of another.

• I love, have always loved, and will always love the pursuit of something greater in life- we can call that entrepreneurship, as I have read from you, or simply the desire to achieve future meaning. It is likened to a state of youth and joy for me, but so far as I see will cause only hardship and difficulties in my life.

• I love these things, but I am not the Chief Ollam of effort, success, or achievement; my endeavor has brought failure as I have never seen before. I consider a sane person to perceive this as futile and assume they would move on to a simpler purpose long ago. Once more, I endure.

• “/”

I am a fervent advocate for the harmonious coexistence of nature and technology. The beauty and wonder of the natural world inspire me, while the advancements in technology allow us to improve and sustain it. My love for both is not just a desire for progress, but a deep appreciation for the balance that makes life on this planet so unique and valuable.

What is my goal? I don’t yet know; I can’t yet know. This isn’t where my life is taking me today. But undeniably, you spark some joy or excitement that is worth mentioning. Worth sharing.

So you see, this story does not end in whisking you away, nor does it end with a knock at some door, nor even a reliable window of opportunity. It is simply an expression of how I feel; it is an open pass of non-judgment, curiosity, and interest in the other. To anyone bold enough to claim that offer, I am working hard to entertain a future that is only possible through the excruciating and sustained effort of undeniable passion. I have no limitations when this door opens for me, and I am bound by nothing.

For the rest of us, I joked that reading an article on “How to tell an internet girl you like her” would be helpful, but perhaps writing your own from the prose of polarity will work better.

Sincerely,

Alex

January 31st, 2023

by ALEX PADEN

This article is about crushing on an internet girl or boy

Ah, the enigma of my fairest maiden, thou art an internet user like thee or I, or perchance 'tis even thou. Such is my purpose in penning this missive, for I know not how to proceed. 'Tis a quandary, I could simply say "Hail, fair maid, I hold affection for thee," or I could declare, "On the twenty-second day of the third month, I shall visit thy fair city." Yet, I fear such words do not do justice to the depth of my feelings.

Thus, how does one declare their passion for a lady of the internet?

This article is meant for someone reading it, but for the rest of us, it’s really hard to find yourself having feelings for a person on The Internet! For those not fortunate enough to roam the country at leisure, whether trapped by finance, life, work, or beyond, it can seem like an imaginary quest of the heart only meant to toy with your emotions. Or is it? I don’t have the answer for you, but it’s why I’m writing this for all three of us. What third?! It’s my anon internet friend egging me on before life claims your heart first (oh, or sorry if it has, idk).

Why you? Initially, I had no feelings beyond my typical non-reality-anchored excitement, the joy of sharing ideas with someone who might relate to them. What startled me first, of course, was your brilliance, the ability to see things in myself that even I had failed to recognize. Still, I had no passion, just a mild enjoyment for teasing and learning. Then I read your writing, and that was the first time I realized your beauty; it is of a clarity that an author would strive to replicate, myself included. I can only humor the physical so much; you are so clearly stunning, I find your music taste fitting, but beyond that, you strike me as unique.

Here are some things to know about me

• I like to cook, but I wouldn’t say I like to cook too much. Sometimes I’ll forget the rules and fall fraught with the ambitions of meaningful life pursuit.

• I do my laundry, but most of my clothes are the same, call it minimalism or a broke-ass founder type boy; either one is valid from the eye of another.

• I love, have always loved, and will always love the pursuit of something greater in life- we can call that entrepreneurship, as I have read from you, or simply the desire to achieve future meaning. It is likened to a state of youth and joy for me, but so far as I see will cause only hardship and difficulties in my life.

• I love these things, but I am not the Chief Ollam of effort, success, or achievement; my endeavor has brought failure as I have never seen before. I consider a sane person to perceive this as futile and assume they would move on to a simpler purpose long ago. Once more, I endure.

• “/”

I am a fervent advocate for the harmonious coexistence of nature and technology. The beauty and wonder of the natural world inspire me, while the advancements in technology allow us to improve and sustain it. My love for both is not just a desire for progress, but a deep appreciation for the balance that makes life on this planet so unique and valuable.

What is my goal? I don’t yet know; I can’t yet know. This isn’t where my life is taking me today. But undeniably, you spark some joy or excitement that is worth mentioning. Worth sharing.

So you see, this story does not end in whisking you away, nor does it end with a knock at some door, nor even a reliable window of opportunity. It is simply an expression of how I feel; it is an open pass of non-judgment, curiosity, and interest in the other. To anyone bold enough to claim that offer, I am working hard to entertain a future that is only possible through the excruciating and sustained effort of undeniable passion. I have no limitations when this door opens for me, and I am bound by nothing.

For the rest of us, I joked that reading an article on “How to tell an internet girl you like her” would be helpful, but perhaps writing your own from the prose of polarity will work better.

Sincerely,

Alex