Bitcoin ETF flows hit Wall Street like caffeine, while privacy coins morph into darknet fugitives. Ethereum’s upgrade? A Swiss Army knife with too many blades. DeFi’s new game: tokenize, rinse, repeat—from Hollywood royalties to your dog’s Instagram. CBDCs creep in, China’s digital yuan sniffing every dumpling purchase. Meanwhile, hackers drain cross-chain bridges faster than SEC lawsuits draft themselves. Vitalik codes, SBF writes jailhouse haikus, and Satoshi’s ghost laughs in a 21-milliont...