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Ryuya was walking.
A crow called out from somewhere above, its voice cracking through the silence. Ryuya’s gaze flicked upward briefly, but the bird was only a shadow, barely visible before it disappeared.
He let out a soft breath.
The walk felt endless, ahead, the clinic’s sign loomed faintly.
A few more steps.
Ryuya pushed the door open.
His eyes squinted—
white, aggressive lights on ceiling—
He didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as he crossed the lobby.
It was like everyone was scared not to breathe too loudly.
The reception desk loomed ahead, too bright and too clean.
He stood there for a moment before the receptionist appeared from behind the desk,
“Good morning, may I have your name?” they asked, not looking up as they tapped at the keyboard in front of them.
“Nagase Ryuya”
The receptionist typed for a moment longer before glancing up.
“Here for your appointment?”
He nodded.
“Alright, You may go to the waiting room on your left.”
“…”
The room stretched out before him, a collection of mismatched chairs arranged in uneven rows. Luckily, it was empty.
Ryuya slid into one of the chairs near the edge. Facing a clock mounted on the opposite wall.
A quick glance became a stare.
Watching it felt like watching something die in slow motion.
The seconds bled out slowly—each tick of the clock obvious in its intent to kill the silence—or so he thought.
How long will it be this time..
He wondered absently.
Why did clinics look the way they did ?
What was the point of having all this “white” ?
Was it to feel reassuring ?
Non-threatening ?
The minutes dragged on. The fog outside had followed him in, softening his senses once again.
The door to the waiting room creaked open. A nurse stepped halfway in, her clipboard pressed against her side.
“Nagase Ryuya?” she called.
Ryuya stood up. The nurse gave a small nod as he approached, motioning toward the hallway behind her.
“This way.”
The cushioned chair was comfortable.
Ryuya's gaze was fixed beyond the desk.
At the painting on the wall.
Is that a new one ?
He wondered. It looked strange to him, abstract with colored shapes that appeared random yet something breathed inside of it.
It wasn’t long before the door opened again..
Doctor Eita stepped in.
His presence filled the space immediately.
“Good morning, Ryuya.” he said, his voice deep and steady, carrying a kind of warmth.
Ryuya nodded faintly.
He closed the door behind him with a soft click, setting the folder he’d been holding onto the desk. He adjusted his glasses before settling into his chair.
Doctor Eita was tall, with hair that had gone completely gray but not in a way that made him look old. It lended him an air of experience, like a young but wise grandfather. “How are you ?” he asked.
The question lingered for a moment.
“I'm okay.” Ryuya answered.
“Let’s unpack that, shall we?” his tone was gentle but edged with a kind of skepticism, one that didn’t need to be overt to be felt.
He reached for the folder, flipping it open with deliberate care.
His gaze scanned the notes inside, his brow furrowing slightly in what might have been concentration—
Or satisfaction maybe..
“It’s been a few months since we last spoke. How have you been feeling ?”
The question lingered in the air, deceptively simple.
“Fine I guess ?” he said after a beat.
“Have you been taking your treatment regularly?”
“I have.” Ryuya answered.
The doctor’s expression didn’t change, but there was a faint pause before he nodded.
He tapped his pen lightly against the folder. His eyes remained steady on Ryuya.
“Did you manage to go back to school yet?”
“I just got back yesterday,” he said. “I only stayed for the morning though.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “How was it?” He asked.
“It was okay for the most part.”
Ryuya answered truthfully.
The air softened.
“It’s a big step, getting back. Even if it’s just for a morning.” Doctor Eita’s words came out warm and genuine.
“Yeah I know.” Ryuya responded naturally.
Doctor Eita wasn’t difficult to talk to—he’d eased his way in over the years. Of all the doctors Ryuya had met, he was probably the best, though that didn’t say much. He straightened slightly, placing the pen down on the folder.
“Are you able to study?”
“Yeah, I manage.”
Doctor Eita nodded again, his hands now loosely folded atop the desk.
“How are things at home ?”
“The usual.”
“Your parents ?”
“Still busy with work.”
Doctor Eita's gaze lingered on Ryuya for a moment. He nodded thoughtfully. “And your sister? How’s she doing?”
“She’s sick, so she stays at home.”
“That must be difficult—for her, and for you.” Doctor Eita's tone carried something unreadable, like he was looking for something.
“Not really.” Ryuya replied, his voice softer now. “It feels nice to have someone at home.”
Dr. Eita’s lips curved slightly.
“Has your sleep improved ?”
“I think it’s better?” Ryuya's voice rose slightly, making it sound like a question.
“That’s good,” Doctor Eita replied, his tone calm and reassuring. “Side effects tend to fade away at this point.”
Ryuya’s jaw tightened faintly.
Doctor Eita leaned forward, his hands resting on the desk.
A beat.
“There’s a new one.”
The words came out more raw than he expected.
“I noticed it yesterday.” Ryuya continued. "It was like a ringing or a tingling in my head”
“Like a headache ?” the doctor’s brows knit slightly, his pen tapping softly against the desk.
“Kinda, but then it got worse, there was this… gap where I completely spaced out.”
The words squeezed at his chest.
“What were you doing when it happened?” The doctor asked, leaning closer now.
Ryuya hesitated, “Talking to someone ?” he said finally.
He took a pause before adding, “I had this weird dream as well..”
The doctor’s pen moved in deliberate strokes across the folder.
“Tell me about this dream.” The doctor looked at him softly, like he was holding space still.
Ryuya exhaled softly.
“It was like the world dissolved around me, I was falling and—
—̴͍͑
—I don’t remember..”
The doctor nodded, watching him with a steady gaze, one that didn’t ask for anything more..
“I assumed it was another side effect.."
“…”
"It has to be, right ?”
Dr. Eita leaned back slightly, his expression unreadable.
"I’m not quite sure," he said, his voice calm, but not entirely certain.
“While side effects vary with these types of treatment, this could be a mix of multiple things.” he said gently.
“Your mind is still adjusting, and you’re also back to school after a while, so it could be stress-related as well.”
Ryuya wasn’t satisfied.
The words didn't ease the tension in his chest.
Doctor Eita regarded him carefully, his calm gaze steady.
“I understand what you’re saying but.. I don’t know..”
Ryuya glanced down.
“If this continues, we can adjust the dosage or try a different schedule. We’ll explore other options to make sure it stays manageable for you.”
Ryuya’s gaze wandered back to the painting on the wall.
The silence stretched between them.
"…Do you think it could happen again ?” His gaze met doctor Eita’s.
“I’m not sure Ryuya—since this just happened—I must say it’s too soon to make an opinion.”
Doctor Eita’s eyes carried an apologetic concern.
Ryuya's gaze lowered once again, a sense of resignation washing over him.
“What I can tell you is that, it’ll become evident with time, it may just be a one time thing, since you were just back to school, and if it were to happen again, we will react accordingly.”
Doctor Eita smiled softly, what seemed like an attempt at offering reassurance..
“Okay..” Ryuya exhaled.
“Is there anything else bothering you ?” The doctor asked thoughtfully. Ryuya exhaled once again but it sounded more like a sigh this time.
“I started drawing—a few months ago—after we changed the meds.”
He paused.
”It’s a bit weird but I would draw what I saw back then.”
The doctor regarded him thoughtfully..
“It’s not weird at all. Many patients find that a creative outlet can help to process what they’re experiencing.”
“Do you still do it now ?”
“I don’t know, it doesn’t feel real anymore.”
“Hmm...” Dr. Eita leaned back slightly.
“Maybe it helped you processing things while you were adjusting.”
The words echoed softly.
“It’s not uncommon to feel this way,” he said gently.
“Maybe your inspiration will change as well as you settle in.”
“Maybe,” Ryuya muttered.
“Maybe you could try to draw something else—” Dr. Eita suggested, his tone light but encouraging.
“Or see how others do it as well ? Schools usually have places for that."
Ryuya's eyes dropped to the desk, where he stared absently for a second.
Lingering on the idea.
“Sure.” he answered.
Though the words felt hollow.
The doctor glanced at his watch, his expression calm but contemplative.
“We’ll keep an eye on things for now,” he continued, reaching for his pen again. “If anything changes, or if it becomes too much, we’ll adjust accordingly.”
Ryuya nodded.
“For now, we’ll keep the same dosage and keep tabs on the side effects”
Doctor Eita scribbled something in the folder before closing it with deliberate care.
“Okay.”
Ryuya was walking.
A crow called out from somewhere above, its voice cracking through the silence. Ryuya’s gaze flicked upward briefly, but the bird was only a shadow, barely visible before it disappeared.
He let out a soft breath.
The walk felt endless, ahead, the clinic’s sign loomed faintly.
A few more steps.
Ryuya pushed the door open.
His eyes squinted—
white, aggressive lights on ceiling—
He didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as he crossed the lobby.
It was like everyone was scared not to breathe too loudly.
The reception desk loomed ahead, too bright and too clean.
He stood there for a moment before the receptionist appeared from behind the desk,
“Good morning, may I have your name?” they asked, not looking up as they tapped at the keyboard in front of them.
“Nagase Ryuya”
The receptionist typed for a moment longer before glancing up.
“Here for your appointment?”
He nodded.
“Alright, You may go to the waiting room on your left.”
“…”
The room stretched out before him, a collection of mismatched chairs arranged in uneven rows. Luckily, it was empty.
Ryuya slid into one of the chairs near the edge. Facing a clock mounted on the opposite wall.
A quick glance became a stare.
Watching it felt like watching something die in slow motion.
The seconds bled out slowly—each tick of the clock obvious in its intent to kill the silence—or so he thought.
How long will it be this time..
He wondered absently.
Why did clinics look the way they did ?
What was the point of having all this “white” ?
Was it to feel reassuring ?
Non-threatening ?
The minutes dragged on. The fog outside had followed him in, softening his senses once again.
The door to the waiting room creaked open. A nurse stepped halfway in, her clipboard pressed against her side.
“Nagase Ryuya?” she called.
Ryuya stood up. The nurse gave a small nod as he approached, motioning toward the hallway behind her.
“This way.”
The cushioned chair was comfortable.
Ryuya's gaze was fixed beyond the desk.
At the painting on the wall.
Is that a new one ?
He wondered. It looked strange to him, abstract with colored shapes that appeared random yet something breathed inside of it.
It wasn’t long before the door opened again..
Doctor Eita stepped in.
His presence filled the space immediately.
“Good morning, Ryuya.” he said, his voice deep and steady, carrying a kind of warmth.
Ryuya nodded faintly.
He closed the door behind him with a soft click, setting the folder he’d been holding onto the desk. He adjusted his glasses before settling into his chair.
Doctor Eita was tall, with hair that had gone completely gray but not in a way that made him look old. It lended him an air of experience, like a young but wise grandfather. “How are you ?” he asked.
The question lingered for a moment.
“I'm okay.” Ryuya answered.
“Let’s unpack that, shall we?” his tone was gentle but edged with a kind of skepticism, one that didn’t need to be overt to be felt.
He reached for the folder, flipping it open with deliberate care.
His gaze scanned the notes inside, his brow furrowing slightly in what might have been concentration—
Or satisfaction maybe..
“It’s been a few months since we last spoke. How have you been feeling ?”
The question lingered in the air, deceptively simple.
“Fine I guess ?” he said after a beat.
“Have you been taking your treatment regularly?”
“I have.” Ryuya answered.
The doctor’s expression didn’t change, but there was a faint pause before he nodded.
He tapped his pen lightly against the folder. His eyes remained steady on Ryuya.
“Did you manage to go back to school yet?”
“I just got back yesterday,” he said. “I only stayed for the morning though.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “How was it?” He asked.
“It was okay for the most part.”
Ryuya answered truthfully.
The air softened.
“It’s a big step, getting back. Even if it’s just for a morning.” Doctor Eita’s words came out warm and genuine.
“Yeah I know.” Ryuya responded naturally.
Doctor Eita wasn’t difficult to talk to—he’d eased his way in over the years. Of all the doctors Ryuya had met, he was probably the best, though that didn’t say much. He straightened slightly, placing the pen down on the folder.
“Are you able to study?”
“Yeah, I manage.”
Doctor Eita nodded again, his hands now loosely folded atop the desk.
“How are things at home ?”
“The usual.”
“Your parents ?”
“Still busy with work.”
Doctor Eita's gaze lingered on Ryuya for a moment. He nodded thoughtfully. “And your sister? How’s she doing?”
“She’s sick, so she stays at home.”
“That must be difficult—for her, and for you.” Doctor Eita's tone carried something unreadable, like he was looking for something.
“Not really.” Ryuya replied, his voice softer now. “It feels nice to have someone at home.”
Dr. Eita’s lips curved slightly.
“Has your sleep improved ?”
“I think it’s better?” Ryuya's voice rose slightly, making it sound like a question.
“That’s good,” Doctor Eita replied, his tone calm and reassuring. “Side effects tend to fade away at this point.”
Ryuya’s jaw tightened faintly.
Doctor Eita leaned forward, his hands resting on the desk.
A beat.
“There’s a new one.”
The words came out more raw than he expected.
“I noticed it yesterday.” Ryuya continued. "It was like a ringing or a tingling in my head”
“Like a headache ?” the doctor’s brows knit slightly, his pen tapping softly against the desk.
“Kinda, but then it got worse, there was this… gap where I completely spaced out.”
The words squeezed at his chest.
“What were you doing when it happened?” The doctor asked, leaning closer now.
Ryuya hesitated, “Talking to someone ?” he said finally.
He took a pause before adding, “I had this weird dream as well..”
The doctor’s pen moved in deliberate strokes across the folder.
“Tell me about this dream.” The doctor looked at him softly, like he was holding space still.
Ryuya exhaled softly.
“It was like the world dissolved around me, I was falling and—
—̴͍͑
—I don’t remember..”
The doctor nodded, watching him with a steady gaze, one that didn’t ask for anything more..
“I assumed it was another side effect.."
“…”
"It has to be, right ?”
Dr. Eita leaned back slightly, his expression unreadable.
"I’m not quite sure," he said, his voice calm, but not entirely certain.
“While side effects vary with these types of treatment, this could be a mix of multiple things.” he said gently.
“Your mind is still adjusting, and you’re also back to school after a while, so it could be stress-related as well.”
Ryuya wasn’t satisfied.
The words didn't ease the tension in his chest.
Doctor Eita regarded him carefully, his calm gaze steady.
“I understand what you’re saying but.. I don’t know..”
Ryuya glanced down.
“If this continues, we can adjust the dosage or try a different schedule. We’ll explore other options to make sure it stays manageable for you.”
Ryuya’s gaze wandered back to the painting on the wall.
The silence stretched between them.
"…Do you think it could happen again ?” His gaze met doctor Eita’s.
“I’m not sure Ryuya—since this just happened—I must say it’s too soon to make an opinion.”
Doctor Eita’s eyes carried an apologetic concern.
Ryuya's gaze lowered once again, a sense of resignation washing over him.
“What I can tell you is that, it’ll become evident with time, it may just be a one time thing, since you were just back to school, and if it were to happen again, we will react accordingly.”
Doctor Eita smiled softly, what seemed like an attempt at offering reassurance..
“Okay..” Ryuya exhaled.
“Is there anything else bothering you ?” The doctor asked thoughtfully. Ryuya exhaled once again but it sounded more like a sigh this time.
“I started drawing—a few months ago—after we changed the meds.”
He paused.
”It’s a bit weird but I would draw what I saw back then.”
The doctor regarded him thoughtfully..
“It’s not weird at all. Many patients find that a creative outlet can help to process what they’re experiencing.”
“Do you still do it now ?”
“I don’t know, it doesn’t feel real anymore.”
“Hmm...” Dr. Eita leaned back slightly.
“Maybe it helped you processing things while you were adjusting.”
The words echoed softly.
“It’s not uncommon to feel this way,” he said gently.
“Maybe your inspiration will change as well as you settle in.”
“Maybe,” Ryuya muttered.
“Maybe you could try to draw something else—” Dr. Eita suggested, his tone light but encouraging.
“Or see how others do it as well ? Schools usually have places for that."
Ryuya's eyes dropped to the desk, where he stared absently for a second.
Lingering on the idea.
“Sure.” he answered.
Though the words felt hollow.
The doctor glanced at his watch, his expression calm but contemplative.
“We’ll keep an eye on things for now,” he continued, reaching for his pen again. “If anything changes, or if it becomes too much, we’ll adjust accordingly.”
Ryuya nodded.
“For now, we’ll keep the same dosage and keep tabs on the side effects”
Doctor Eita scribbled something in the folder before closing it with deliberate care.
“Okay.”
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