I'm not in a good mood this morning.

There's a lot going on, and I feel like I'm holding the reins of a thousand horses going in all different directions. I don't really do well under immense amounts of stress (at least, I feel that way), but somehow I feel like I'm always under this kind of pressure, either voluntarily or not. Generally, there's a saying that if everyone is the problem then you're the problem (or something like that), but in this particular case I just feel like there are too many people who are vying for my attention and very few of those to whom I want to give it.

Yesterday I had a solid workout. I finished a good chunk of the work I needed to get done. I read an entire book from start to finish (granted, it was the Art of War which is like 30 pages, but still). I meditated, took a cold shower, logged my diet and had a meal with gratitude. I did everything I said I wanted to do in day to make my day successful. And yet I still feel like a failure. Why is that?

Perhaps failure is the incorrect word. Maybe it's something along the lines of me doing a lot of things that I think I want to do, and yet I'm still finding something to be lacking or missing. Odd, isn't it, especially considering the fact that I keep saying that I have too much on my plate. However, I feel like there's a crucial piece of my day that's missing, something that I'm supposed to be doing but I'm not.

I feel like a lot of the things I do is because it's supposed to be good for me, or it's things I'm supposed to do, or it's things that are expected of me. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of these things that I truly enjoy doing. However, I do feel like there's not enough of those things that I do strictly for enjoyment's sake. As I'm writing this, I hear an inner dialogue in me: "be a man. You're not supposed to like it. Stop complaining and stop being a little bitch and get after it." Fair. Very fair. However, allow me to rebut (to myself).

Doing things you don't like doing doesn't necessarily make you a man, a tougher person, or even stronger. Sometimes, it makes you weak, because sometimes you do things that you're comfortable with. Sometimes, you do things that are easy because you know the way to do them, and because you don't have to take risks. And because you don't want to take risks, you stay in your comfort zone. Because you are staying in your comfort zone but you hate what you do, you complain.

Be a man. Maybe you are supposed to like it but because it's too hard you don't. Stop complaining and stop being a little bitch and take risks and get after it.

I'm not in a good mood this morning.

There's a lot going on, and I feel like I'm holding the reins of a thousand horses going in all different directions. I don't really do well under immense amounts of stress (at least, I feel that way), but somehow I feel like I'm always under this kind of pressure, either voluntarily or not. Generally, there's a saying that if everyone is the problem then you're the problem (or something like that), but in this particular case I just feel like there are too many people who are vying for my attention and very few of those to whom I want to give it.

Yesterday I had a solid workout. I finished a good chunk of the work I needed to get done. I read an entire book from start to finish (granted, it was the Art of War which is like 30 pages, but still). I meditated, took a cold shower, logged my diet and had a meal with gratitude. I did everything I said I wanted to do in day to make my day successful. And yet I still feel like a failure. Why is that?

Perhaps failure is the incorrect word. Maybe it's something along the lines of me doing a lot of things that I think I want to do, and yet I'm still finding something to be lacking or missing. Odd, isn't it, especially considering the fact that I keep saying that I have too much on my plate. However, I feel like there's a crucial piece of my day that's missing, something that I'm supposed to be doing but I'm not.

I feel like a lot of the things I do is because it's supposed to be good for me, or it's things I'm supposed to do, or it's things that are expected of me. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of these things that I truly enjoy doing. However, I do feel like there's not enough of those things that I do strictly for enjoyment's sake. As I'm writing this, I hear an inner dialogue in me: "be a man. You're not supposed to like it. Stop complaining and stop being a little bitch and get after it." Fair. Very fair. However, allow me to rebut (to myself).

Doing things you don't like doing doesn't necessarily make you a man, a tougher person, or even stronger. Sometimes, it makes you weak, because sometimes you do things that you're comfortable with. Sometimes, you do things that are easy because you know the way to do them, and because you don't have to take risks. And because you don't want to take risks, you stay in your comfort zone. Because you are staying in your comfort zone but you hate what you do, you complain.

Be a man. Maybe you are supposed to like it but because it's too hard you don't. Stop complaining and stop being a little bitch and take risks and get after it.