Internal turmoil sucks. It's something I'm going through now, but instead of talking about the turmoil, I'd like to speak on the nature of internal turmoil itself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but weirdly it's one of those problems that everyone has, no one really talks about openly, and can be extremely volatile. Like an ignored gas leak at a birthday party (odd analogy, not sure why I came up with that but it sounded good in my head).

The really weird part about internal turmoil is what causes it. Sometimes, it can be a direct result of something, but oftentimes it's something so tiny that when you think back to what caused you to feel the way you do, it leads back to the tiny insignificant event. However, usually it's like a rolling stone that becomes an avalanche: you don't really know what began it in the first place. And like an avalanche, it usually starts quietly.

A lot of times when I try and talk to people about it, they tell me one of three things: 1. You're making a big deal out of things, or you worry too much, or let it go; 2. Oh, damn, yeah man that sucks; or, 3. You should talk to someone about this. None of these help, and the third one is especially idiotic because that's why I'm talking to YOU. It's one of the reasons I write these posts: I never expect anyone to read them, ever. But it is a good outlet to get stuff out of your head and into some form of physical achievement (i.e., a written post). Perhaps, though, the third option is correct: maybe I do need to talk to someone also. Maybe I need a therapist.

I've been to therapy before. It's helped. A lot. I remember the first time I had a session: after I was done, I literally felt the blood rushing through my veins. It was such a sensational feeling of not exactly lightness, but it did make me feel somewhat alive in a way. Alive because I felt heard, seen, and present. I'm conflicted about this, because sometimes in my head I think to myself "there are 8 billion people in this world: who the fuck are you to bother someone else with your problems?" Then I remembered the $300 price tag and thought "oh yeah. I'm the guy with the money."

That's such a fire rapper-like way to end this post that I'll leave it there, even though I feel like I may have more to say on this. Perhaps I'll revisit it at some point in the future after it's been better fleshed out.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.

Internal turmoil sucks. It's something I'm going through now, but instead of talking about the turmoil, I'd like to speak on the nature of internal turmoil itself. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but weirdly it's one of those problems that everyone has, no one really talks about openly, and can be extremely volatile. Like an ignored gas leak at a birthday party (odd analogy, not sure why I came up with that but it sounded good in my head).

The really weird part about internal turmoil is what causes it. Sometimes, it can be a direct result of something, but oftentimes it's something so tiny that when you think back to what caused you to feel the way you do, it leads back to the tiny insignificant event. However, usually it's like a rolling stone that becomes an avalanche: you don't really know what began it in the first place. And like an avalanche, it usually starts quietly.

A lot of times when I try and talk to people about it, they tell me one of three things: 1. You're making a big deal out of things, or you worry too much, or let it go; 2. Oh, damn, yeah man that sucks; or, 3. You should talk to someone about this. None of these help, and the third one is especially idiotic because that's why I'm talking to YOU. It's one of the reasons I write these posts: I never expect anyone to read them, ever. But it is a good outlet to get stuff out of your head and into some form of physical achievement (i.e., a written post). Perhaps, though, the third option is correct: maybe I do need to talk to someone also. Maybe I need a therapist.

I've been to therapy before. It's helped. A lot. I remember the first time I had a session: after I was done, I literally felt the blood rushing through my veins. It was such a sensational feeling of not exactly lightness, but it did make me feel somewhat alive in a way. Alive because I felt heard, seen, and present. I'm conflicted about this, because sometimes in my head I think to myself "there are 8 billion people in this world: who the fuck are you to bother someone else with your problems?" Then I remembered the $300 price tag and thought "oh yeah. I'm the guy with the money."

That's such a fire rapper-like way to end this post that I'll leave it there, even though I feel like I may have more to say on this. Perhaps I'll revisit it at some point in the future after it's been better fleshed out.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek.