This one's going to be tough to write but I'm going to get through it. Apologies if I sound cryptic but this is deeply personal.

I made a promise to myself that I didn't keep.

In a moment of either weakness, making a choice, or pure habit, I fell. I am not sure whether I meant to or not. But I did. And last night I decided to do something about it.

A few days ago, I spoke about the gamification of certain habits. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can not gamify things in order to see results. The internal voice in my head tells me that I'm weak. My internal voice in my head also was the one that led me to fall yesterday (to be honest, the internal voice in my head can be a real asshole, and I think he needs some therapy and self love but that's a story for a different day).

I'm not sure how to deal with this internal voice in my head. You know what the worst part is? That voice controls so much of my life and my body and my cravings, but it's also the one that gets me to write these on a regular basis, to make me exercise, to make me read difficult things, to do difficult things. It's both.

I think the internal voice in my head wanta both: he wants the extremes of having a disciplined life of rigour and exercise and whatnot, and he also wants the pleasure of an easy life eating ice cream whenever he wants.

It's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Or is it? Is the person that's inside there me, really? Kapil Gupta has this idea of the monkey mind, which unfolds out to being something in the approximation of "you are not your mind". It's a fascinating concept, but it's difficult to grasp. Who am I if I'm not the voice inside my head? What am I if I'm not the voices inside my head?

It's deeply unsettling to me to think that the person who I can literally hear 24x7 is not me but rather someone or something else. The first image that comes to mind is Venom from Spider-Man: Venom is a parasite and speaks to Eddie Brock from within, controlling his actions and such. I know it can be a juvenile comic book concept but look it up, it fits here.

If I'm not the voice in my head, then did I not break that promise? Don't fall down that slippery slope. I made the promise and I broke that promise. And I'm going to work harder at keeping that promise to myself. Dust yourself off and keep moving.

Because it's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek

This one's going to be tough to write but I'm going to get through it. Apologies if I sound cryptic but this is deeply personal.

I made a promise to myself that I didn't keep.

In a moment of either weakness, making a choice, or pure habit, I fell. I am not sure whether I meant to or not. But I did. And last night I decided to do something about it.

A few days ago, I spoke about the gamification of certain habits. I don't think I'm at the stage where I can not gamify things in order to see results. The internal voice in my head tells me that I'm weak. My internal voice in my head also was the one that led me to fall yesterday (to be honest, the internal voice in my head can be a real asshole, and I think he needs some therapy and self love but that's a story for a different day).

I'm not sure how to deal with this internal voice in my head. You know what the worst part is? That voice controls so much of my life and my body and my cravings, but it's also the one that gets me to write these on a regular basis, to make me exercise, to make me read difficult things, to do difficult things. It's both.

I think the internal voice in my head wanta both: he wants the extremes of having a disciplined life of rigour and exercise and whatnot, and he also wants the pleasure of an easy life eating ice cream whenever he wants.

It's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Or is it? Is the person that's inside there me, really? Kapil Gupta has this idea of the monkey mind, which unfolds out to being something in the approximation of "you are not your mind". It's a fascinating concept, but it's difficult to grasp. Who am I if I'm not the voice inside my head? What am I if I'm not the voices inside my head?

It's deeply unsettling to me to think that the person who I can literally hear 24x7 is not me but rather someone or something else. The first image that comes to mind is Venom from Spider-Man: Venom is a parasite and speaks to Eddie Brock from within, controlling his actions and such. I know it can be a juvenile comic book concept but look it up, it fits here.

If I'm not the voice in my head, then did I not break that promise? Don't fall down that slippery slope. I made the promise and I broke that promise. And I'm going to work harder at keeping that promise to myself. Dust yourself off and keep moving.

Because it's me. The internal voice in my head is me.

Let's get after it today and revisit our thoughts tomorrow.

Vivek