I’m not sure exactly when I decided to play life on 'Hard Mode,' but here we are.

For the past few years, I've spent my days helping Web3, DeFi, and AI projects define who they are, build their brands, and ultimately, figure out how to market themselves.

Lately, my focus has been on messaging around the virtues of AI ownership, sovereignty, and open-source intelligence.

Theoretically, given my boyish good looks and rapier-like wit, this should be a breeze.

So far? It is a Herculean task.

And honestly? The Industry* has done almost nothing to make people think otherwise.

*The Industry: My shorthand for the collision of AI, Crypto, and Frontier Tech. It used to be three separate rooms. Now it’s just one giant mosh pit of developers, VCs, dreamers, thought leaders, and discord mods trying to figure out who is in charge.

Instead, the public is presented with something that is a little magical, a little “we swear this won’t kill you,” and completely devoid of emotional clarity.

My favorite fictional train wreck/ad-wizard Don Draper said it best: “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

The wild thing is: the largest players in AI don’t even agree on what conversation they’re having—so they can’t change it.

That's because at its core, AI has a branding problem.

Stock Photo Summary

"Hell yeah, this totally captures our vision!"

Let’s take a quick tour through the current landscape of corporate identity crises.

1. OpenAI: The “Global Emergency” Strategy OpenAI is the only company in history to brand super-intelligence like they are selling you a household appliance with religious implications. Their public persona oscillates wildly between “We are building God” and “Here’s an update to our terms of service.”

When Sora dropped, the reaction was equal parts wonder and existential dread. Sora asks the important questions, like: "What would it look like if Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking fought in a steel cage match on WWE Monday Night RAW?"

But the marketing was just: "Now Sam Altman can cameo in your videos."

Everyone thought we'd have flying cars by now.

2. Google AI: The Identity Crisis Olympics

Google’s AI history reads like a corporate fever dream: Assistant, LaMDA, Bard, Gemini. Their unintentional brand message seems to be: “This one works. We promise. This time. It's getting cooler. We swear.”

They’re sprinting to define the future while still trying to repair last year’s tagline.

3. Meta AI: The “Put It In Everything” Strategy

Meta’s approach is simple: Take any feature. Add AI. Ship it. The apex of this strategy? AI Stickers. Masterful gambit, Mark! It feels less like innovation and more like an attempt to justify the compute budget.

4. The Frontier Labs: “Safety PR”

There is nothing more awkward than billion-dollar AI labs trying to brand safety. It gives “brochure for a nuclear power plant,” not “trustworthy consumer technology.” When your brand voice says “philosophy seminar” but your product is “we trained God on a trillion tokens,” the public is going to have questions.

Despite the chaos, one idea consistently resonates with normal humans. It’s not about "A.I." generally; it’s about AI that is personal.

Not corporate AI. Not omniscient cloud AI. Just the version that actually helps you.

This is where decentralized AI quietly becomes relevant—not as a crypto buzzword, but as a branding benefit.

• You control the intelligence.

• You own your own damn data.

• You aren’t locked into one corporate platform.

Decentralization, when stripped of the jargon, is simply about putting the user back at the center of their own digital life.

So where does that leave us? With an industry building tech that will drastically alter the course of humanity while communicating it like a cross between a wellness retreat and an IRS audit.

The good news? AI doesn’t need divine branding intervention. It just needs a strategy grounded in reality. Start with clarity. Add a personality. Avoid sounding like a sentient corporate compliance robot.

Until then, AI will continue doing what it does best: shipping the most powerful technology ever conjured by man, while the messaging quietly files for unemployment.

Author's note: I used a popular AI tool to spell check this piece.

Wait, What? is a weekly commentary where I unpack everything we could be doing better across crypto, Web3, AI, and culture. When I’m not being a silly goose, I’m usually on a video discussing GTM strategies—or quietly banging my head against the wall with the camera turned off—as a brand strategist and marketer in these industries.

I’m not sure exactly when I decided to play life on 'Hard Mode,' but here we are.

For the past few years, I've spent my days helping Web3, DeFi, and AI projects define who they are, build their brands, and ultimately, figure out how to market themselves.

Lately, my focus has been on messaging around the virtues of AI ownership, sovereignty, and open-source intelligence.

Theoretically, given my boyish good looks and rapier-like wit, this should be a breeze.

So far? It is a Herculean task.

And honestly? The Industry* has done almost nothing to make people think otherwise.

*The Industry: My shorthand for the collision of AI, Crypto, and Frontier Tech. It used to be three separate rooms. Now it’s just one giant mosh pit of developers, VCs, dreamers, thought leaders, and discord mods trying to figure out who is in charge.

Instead, the public is presented with something that is a little magical, a little “we swear this won’t kill you,” and completely devoid of emotional clarity.

My favorite fictional train wreck/ad-wizard Don Draper said it best: “If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.”

The wild thing is: the largest players in AI don’t even agree on what conversation they’re having—so they can’t change it.

That's because at its core, AI has a branding problem.

Stock Photo Summary

"Hell yeah, this totally captures our vision!"

Let’s take a quick tour through the current landscape of corporate identity crises.

1. OpenAI: The “Global Emergency” Strategy OpenAI is the only company in history to brand super-intelligence like they are selling you a household appliance with religious implications. Their public persona oscillates wildly between “We are building God” and “Here’s an update to our terms of service.”

When Sora dropped, the reaction was equal parts wonder and existential dread. Sora asks the important questions, like: "What would it look like if Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking fought in a steel cage match on WWE Monday Night RAW?"

But the marketing was just: "Now Sam Altman can cameo in your videos."

Everyone thought we'd have flying cars by now.

2. Google AI: The Identity Crisis Olympics

Google’s AI history reads like a corporate fever dream: Assistant, LaMDA, Bard, Gemini. Their unintentional brand message seems to be: “This one works. We promise. This time. It's getting cooler. We swear.”

They’re sprinting to define the future while still trying to repair last year’s tagline.

3. Meta AI: The “Put It In Everything” Strategy

Meta’s approach is simple: Take any feature. Add AI. Ship it. The apex of this strategy? AI Stickers. Masterful gambit, Mark! It feels less like innovation and more like an attempt to justify the compute budget.

4. The Frontier Labs: “Safety PR”

There is nothing more awkward than billion-dollar AI labs trying to brand safety. It gives “brochure for a nuclear power plant,” not “trustworthy consumer technology.” When your brand voice says “philosophy seminar” but your product is “we trained God on a trillion tokens,” the public is going to have questions.

Despite the chaos, one idea consistently resonates with normal humans. It’s not about "A.I." generally; it’s about AI that is personal.

Not corporate AI. Not omniscient cloud AI. Just the version that actually helps you.

This is where decentralized AI quietly becomes relevant—not as a crypto buzzword, but as a branding benefit.

• You control the intelligence.

• You own your own damn data.

• You aren’t locked into one corporate platform.

Decentralization, when stripped of the jargon, is simply about putting the user back at the center of their own digital life.

So where does that leave us? With an industry building tech that will drastically alter the course of humanity while communicating it like a cross between a wellness retreat and an IRS audit.

The good news? AI doesn’t need divine branding intervention. It just needs a strategy grounded in reality. Start with clarity. Add a personality. Avoid sounding like a sentient corporate compliance robot.

Until then, AI will continue doing what it does best: shipping the most powerful technology ever conjured by man, while the messaging quietly files for unemployment.

Author's note: I used a popular AI tool to spell check this piece.

Wait, What? is a weekly commentary where I unpack everything we could be doing better across crypto, Web3, AI, and culture. When I’m not being a silly goose, I’m usually on a video discussing GTM strategies—or quietly banging my head against the wall with the camera turned off—as a brand strategist and marketer in these industries.