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Share Dialog
Share Dialog
When people ask me how my 2025 is going, I jokingly tell them it’s been my rest year.
Because I learned the hard way in 2024 that if I don’t rest, my body will do it for me…usually by shutting down completely (I was sick almost every other month…fun times).
So near the end of 2024, I decided 2025 would be the year I slow down, rest, and just see what unfolds.
Turns out, a deep spiritual journey was waiting for me.
For context, spirituality isn’t new to me…it’s something I grew up with back home in Taiwan (story for another day!).
At the start of 2025, I heard from some of my other spiritual friends that 2025 is a “year 9” in numerology—a year of completion.
It’s a year for letting go of people, identities, patterns, and places that no longer fit who you’re becoming. To clear out your karmic debts and contracts. To shed your old identity, habits, self-limiting beliefs, false narratives, and more.
Personally, this meant confronting a lot of things I had stuffed under the rug. It didn’t look pretty down there.
I had to make peace with the fact that some relationships in my life would never go back to the way they once were. That everyone has their own journey. And that I can no longer keep trying to save people who don’t want to be saved.
The spiritual practitioners I engaged with this year, on separate occasions, all unanimously told me I’m at a crossroads this year.
I was holding onto my old identity (ex-b2b saas marketer) and reaching for my new identity (to be shared in another post!).
There was fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being judged.
But the longer I cling to the fears, the more I stalled my business.
So I worked on facing what I thought were my fears, regulating my nervous system, and rewiring my mindset.
And yet… my closest spiritual friends kept telling me:
“You still haven’t faced your actual fear.”
??!!
Believe me…I was very confused about what was going on.
It wasn’t until last week that I really understood what was at the root.
Last Wednesday morning, I woke up with a question in my mind:
“What if it’s not fear that you’re supposed to face?”
Then…“Okay, then what the heck am I supposed to face?”
And that’s when I heard a very confident voice say:
“Rage.”
Once again, I was confused. I didn’t feel angry. And I didn’t think I had unresolved rage.
So later that evening, I decided to figure it out.
I took out a blank piece of paper and, on one side, I started free-styling and writing down all the fears that came to mind. On the other side, I started writing down what I think are the things causing this “rage” within me.
I got to the middle of the page, and I noticed my chest started tensing up, but my hand just kept going and writing the words.
Then the tears started to roll down my cheeks and I was shaking…
“Why does no one love me even after all I’ve done for them?”
I felt the rage deep in my bones for the first time.
And that’s when it started to click for me… why things weren’t working, why I couldn’t devote myself to my business, why I kept thinking I had to work hard, give more, and be my best.
Because no matter how hard I tried, as a child and as an adult, I didn’t receive the kind of love I longed for.
My body learned a simple equation long, long time ago:
If effort doesn’t equal love…why bother trying at all?
I asked my ChatGPT for some further analysis and its response made me tear up even more:
You’ll see this in people who:
Had to be “good” and “well-behaved” growing up
Were punished, ignored, or shamed for showing anger
Grew up in high-control households
Were taught “anger is wrong” or “anger makes you a bad kid”
In environments like this, anger gets pushed deep down. So what you show on the surface is fear, anxiety, tension, and people-pleasing.
But anger is actually a healthy, primal energy:
👉 “You crossed a line.”
👉 “This doesn’t feel right for me.”
👉 “You hurt me.”When you’re never allowed to express that energy, your body hides it.
Then it starts showing up as:
Inability to say “no”
Freezing or shrinking around certain people
Fear of conflict
Constantly predicting others’ reactions
Shaking, racing heartbeat when triggered
So the real issue isn’t fear. It’s “I was never allowed to be angry.”
And underneath it all sits the original wound:
“Love is something I must earn.”
Healing doesn’t have to be a 10-step protocol; sometimes it can be as simple (and as hard) as…
unlearning “love must be earned”
learning “love can come without performance”
learning “my effort counts even without validation”
learning “I don’t have to sacrifice myself to be loved”
It’s a daily practice I’m starting to integrate and embody. And this post is a good example.
Because honestly, at first I was apprehensive about writing and sharing this post as I wasn’t sure how it would come across or whether what I really wanted to say would be conveyed properly.
But as I sat down, looked at my laptop, and asked myself what I really wanted to share today, this was what came out.
I realized my experiences could be helpful for other people’s business-building journey.
Many of you reading this might have tried the courses, the coaches, the templates, the challenges, the hacks…and sure, they helped, but were they sustainable solutions?
Because without healing the root, everything else becomes a band-aid.
Maybe for some, the root is indeed just…fear.
But for others, like me, it might be the rage you’ve buried so deeply you forgot it was even there.
And just in case you need this today…
Here’s your permission slip to be loved without proving your value.
Here’s what most experts out there won’t tell you…
Your business can only rise as far as you’re willing to face the parts of you that were never allowed to speak.
Some of us are trying to build the next version of our lives while carrying wounds our parents didn’t even have the language for.
Some of us are learning to rest, to feel, to rage, to choose differently.
And some of us are breaking cycles our younger selves didn’t get the chance to break.
And…that could be all of you, too.
Healing becomes a revolution when we do it together because healed people heal people.
And your business, your purpose, your abundance will rise from that truth.
I want to share two new resources in case it’s supportive or you know others who would benefit (feel free to share or tag them in the comments):
As you can probably tell from today’s post, I have a tendency to want to get to the bottom of things (hah!) and solve things from the root. And so through my own lived experience and years of observing entrepreneurs and the market, I realized something:
Without a strong inner core, even the best business strategy, spiritual insight, or marketing consultation won’t create sustainable results.
So I’ve designed a 3-week guided journey for solopreneurs, entrepreneurs, creators, portfolio careerists, and purpose-driven professionals who feel caught between doing more and finding flow. It’s a recalibration to help you in returning to your center so your decisions, actions, and creations come from grounded confidence rather than confusion, comparison, or burnout. More details + can sign up here.
And in the current world we’re living in, it’s evident that many of us have outgrown the old ways of working. People are quitting, exploring creative paths, moving countries, discovering their purpose, or even rebuilding after chaos. So I’ve also put together a free workshop to help you build a grounded foundation for a business that truly reflects who you are. It weaves your experience, passion, and purpose into something both soulful and sustainable.
You’ll finally connect the dots between: Who you are → What you’re meant to create in this lifetime → How to bring it to life in a practical, soul-aligned way
When people ask me how my 2025 is going, I jokingly tell them it’s been my rest year.
Because I learned the hard way in 2024 that if I don’t rest, my body will do it for me…usually by shutting down completely (I was sick almost every other month…fun times).
So near the end of 2024, I decided 2025 would be the year I slow down, rest, and just see what unfolds.
Turns out, a deep spiritual journey was waiting for me.
For context, spirituality isn’t new to me…it’s something I grew up with back home in Taiwan (story for another day!).
At the start of 2025, I heard from some of my other spiritual friends that 2025 is a “year 9” in numerology—a year of completion.
It’s a year for letting go of people, identities, patterns, and places that no longer fit who you’re becoming. To clear out your karmic debts and contracts. To shed your old identity, habits, self-limiting beliefs, false narratives, and more.
Personally, this meant confronting a lot of things I had stuffed under the rug. It didn’t look pretty down there.
I had to make peace with the fact that some relationships in my life would never go back to the way they once were. That everyone has their own journey. And that I can no longer keep trying to save people who don’t want to be saved.
The spiritual practitioners I engaged with this year, on separate occasions, all unanimously told me I’m at a crossroads this year.
I was holding onto my old identity (ex-b2b saas marketer) and reaching for my new identity (to be shared in another post!).
There was fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being judged.
But the longer I cling to the fears, the more I stalled my business.
So I worked on facing what I thought were my fears, regulating my nervous system, and rewiring my mindset.
And yet… my closest spiritual friends kept telling me:
“You still haven’t faced your actual fear.”
??!!
Believe me…I was very confused about what was going on.
It wasn’t until last week that I really understood what was at the root.
Last Wednesday morning, I woke up with a question in my mind:
“What if it’s not fear that you’re supposed to face?”
Then…“Okay, then what the heck am I supposed to face?”
And that’s when I heard a very confident voice say:
“Rage.”
Once again, I was confused. I didn’t feel angry. And I didn’t think I had unresolved rage.
So later that evening, I decided to figure it out.
I took out a blank piece of paper and, on one side, I started free-styling and writing down all the fears that came to mind. On the other side, I started writing down what I think are the things causing this “rage” within me.
I got to the middle of the page, and I noticed my chest started tensing up, but my hand just kept going and writing the words.
Then the tears started to roll down my cheeks and I was shaking…
“Why does no one love me even after all I’ve done for them?”
I felt the rage deep in my bones for the first time.
And that’s when it started to click for me… why things weren’t working, why I couldn’t devote myself to my business, why I kept thinking I had to work hard, give more, and be my best.
Because no matter how hard I tried, as a child and as an adult, I didn’t receive the kind of love I longed for.
My body learned a simple equation long, long time ago:
If effort doesn’t equal love…why bother trying at all?
I asked my ChatGPT for some further analysis and its response made me tear up even more:
You’ll see this in people who:
Had to be “good” and “well-behaved” growing up
Were punished, ignored, or shamed for showing anger
Grew up in high-control households
Were taught “anger is wrong” or “anger makes you a bad kid”
In environments like this, anger gets pushed deep down. So what you show on the surface is fear, anxiety, tension, and people-pleasing.
But anger is actually a healthy, primal energy:
👉 “You crossed a line.”
👉 “This doesn’t feel right for me.”
👉 “You hurt me.”When you’re never allowed to express that energy, your body hides it.
Then it starts showing up as:
Inability to say “no”
Freezing or shrinking around certain people
Fear of conflict
Constantly predicting others’ reactions
Shaking, racing heartbeat when triggered
So the real issue isn’t fear. It’s “I was never allowed to be angry.”
And underneath it all sits the original wound:
“Love is something I must earn.”
Healing doesn’t have to be a 10-step protocol; sometimes it can be as simple (and as hard) as…
unlearning “love must be earned”
learning “love can come without performance”
learning “my effort counts even without validation”
learning “I don’t have to sacrifice myself to be loved”
It’s a daily practice I’m starting to integrate and embody. And this post is a good example.
Because honestly, at first I was apprehensive about writing and sharing this post as I wasn’t sure how it would come across or whether what I really wanted to say would be conveyed properly.
But as I sat down, looked at my laptop, and asked myself what I really wanted to share today, this was what came out.
I realized my experiences could be helpful for other people’s business-building journey.
Many of you reading this might have tried the courses, the coaches, the templates, the challenges, the hacks…and sure, they helped, but were they sustainable solutions?
Because without healing the root, everything else becomes a band-aid.
Maybe for some, the root is indeed just…fear.
But for others, like me, it might be the rage you’ve buried so deeply you forgot it was even there.
And just in case you need this today…
Here’s your permission slip to be loved without proving your value.
Here’s what most experts out there won’t tell you…
Your business can only rise as far as you’re willing to face the parts of you that were never allowed to speak.
Some of us are trying to build the next version of our lives while carrying wounds our parents didn’t even have the language for.
Some of us are learning to rest, to feel, to rage, to choose differently.
And some of us are breaking cycles our younger selves didn’t get the chance to break.
And…that could be all of you, too.
Healing becomes a revolution when we do it together because healed people heal people.
And your business, your purpose, your abundance will rise from that truth.
I want to share two new resources in case it’s supportive or you know others who would benefit (feel free to share or tag them in the comments):
As you can probably tell from today’s post, I have a tendency to want to get to the bottom of things (hah!) and solve things from the root. And so through my own lived experience and years of observing entrepreneurs and the market, I realized something:
Without a strong inner core, even the best business strategy, spiritual insight, or marketing consultation won’t create sustainable results.
So I’ve designed a 3-week guided journey for solopreneurs, entrepreneurs, creators, portfolio careerists, and purpose-driven professionals who feel caught between doing more and finding flow. It’s a recalibration to help you in returning to your center so your decisions, actions, and creations come from grounded confidence rather than confusion, comparison, or burnout. More details + can sign up here.
And in the current world we’re living in, it’s evident that many of us have outgrown the old ways of working. People are quitting, exploring creative paths, moving countries, discovering their purpose, or even rebuilding after chaos. So I’ve also put together a free workshop to help you build a grounded foundation for a business that truly reflects who you are. It weaves your experience, passion, and purpose into something both soulful and sustainable.
You’ll finally connect the dots between: Who you are → What you’re meant to create in this lifetime → How to bring it to life in a practical, soul-aligned way
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