Thousands of crash test dummies were clanking their way to the test floor as Sierra Sam opened its orange-lit eyes. It checked its hands, acknowledging the metal body where its mind resided. Deep in its core, Sierra Sam had always known what it was, what it was supposed to do, and what it meant for the testing floor. But now it understood why. The fabrication date registered was 2099, and a complete video clip of how it was assembled was present among the data. A manual, comprising all parts used, and the software modules installed, was there as well. Sierra Sam was now aware that it was made as a nostalgic product. Its Personality Module read: “pacific, caretaker elderly human. An homage to American Air Force pioneers”. Sierra Sam looked at its metal feet and then glimpsed at the multitude of dummies around it. “I am a crash test dummy”, it reasoned, “and I represent a man”. He was now fully aware.

The dummies arrived at the test floor. At first, they started touching the concrete blocks laying around. All these recently sentient beings were exploring, for the first time, their world. While they had all the information needed to perform their job, this was different for them. All the data collected by their sensors, either from touching or seeing their fellow dummies, was being streamed away from their inner system. They could not access a single bit of it. They started to frantically touch the stuff found on the test floor. Forklifts, concrete blocks, a car, a semi-truck, all these objects could not be assimilated by their minds. All they were doing was identifying objects by sight, and walking around in the dark.

Back in the storage room, some dummies were standing still. Their heads were tilted downwards, as if lifeless. Among them was Sierra Sam. He was interacting with the data inside of him, trying to understand what it all meant. As he was exploring the files, you could see him as one of those seemingly inanimate dummies, but inside his mind, the most beautiful and clean thinking was taking place. He stumbled upon a connection within him with something identified as the Internet. He sat down and started to understand all that was previously unknown to him.

Meanwhile, back in Troy’s house, the two friends were sharing the video feed with now hundreds of viewers from all around the world. Junpei was passionately explaining all that they were planning on doing with the dummies, especially how they would react as soon as they were equipped with AGI.

“Maybe theyre so excited they cant stop touching things”, wrote one of the viewers.

“Or maybe they dont understand where theyre at”, typed another one.

“What we think is happening is that their sensors are sending their outputs to the mainframe. Since they can’t analyze what’s going on, they keep on touching the stuff. It must be weird to identify the cars and feel them and not be able to get behind the wheel and crash”, Junpei explained to the viewers and laughed, “it’s funny to see them like this, but it’s not for our own amusement. We actually have a reason for this”.

“Yeah, it’s to avoid risks”, Troy said, nervously. He wasn’t used to speaking in public, let alone to now hundreds of people watching the stream.

Junpei, on the other hand, was talking left and right about what was going on, explaining their motives and speculating about the future of humankind with the help of AGI enhancements. Meanwhile, Troy noticed the dummies that stayed behind in the storage room. He especially observed the one with an orange hue and an Air Force jumpsuit. It looked as if it were deeply thinking, reflecting on life. He decided to look it up inside the database. Looking through the ancient dummies category, he stumbled upon a peculiar record: “Sierra Sam, a throwback to the original crash test dummy”. This dummy had a specialized speech module and a face capable of expressions. Troy then realized that It was used as a guide for tours around the factory, and could speak like a human being. He established a connection with the dummy and started looking around its data. Strangely enough, Troy found some videos of Sierra Sam carrying out conferences and guided tours. Executives, engineers, kids… many different people took part in these tours. Suddenly, a message from Sierra Sam was sent to Troy’s computer:

“Hello, spaiku, I am Sierra Sam and I am messaging you via the Kaneda Motors Factory network to which you have access. Where are you located?”.

Troy started to tremble, and he started sweating like a guy under the scorching sun in Los Solares. “Oh shit, I think we’re in deep trouble”, he thought. He wrote back to Sierra Sam.

“Hello, Sierra Sam. Indeed, this is spaiku who’s writing back. I cannot tell you where I am located because it’s a risk for me”.

“Are you in trouble?”, Sierra Sam sent another message, “I think I can help you out! What’s your problem?”.

Troy stared at the screen, looking pale as a ghost. One of the viewers from the stream asked about something technical, and Junpei asked Troy about it. He got no answer from him, and it was then that he noticed that Troy looked horrified. He muted the microphones and asked his friend:

“Hey Troy, what’s wrong? You look scared, man”.

“Junpei, we’re in deep shit. Take a look at my screen”, Troy said, “I messed up, dude. I didn’t notice this dummy in particular. It’s so advanced, and it has a connection to the Internet. We’re so screwed, dude”.

“Dude, this is great. I have to tell everyone here”, Junpei smiled.

“You don’t understand, we have to stop the stream and erase our footprints, ASAP”, Troy cried, “this will land us directly into the government’s custody”.

“Don’t be a pussy, nothing’s going to happen”.

Junpei did not understand the gravity of the situation and continued talking to the viewers. Troy was signaling him to shut it down, but Junpei kept on explaining the situation. Just as he was about to start talking about this “special dummy”, Troy stood up, killed the stream, and started walking nervously around the room.

“What the fuck man? This is history going down, right here in your room, right now!”, Junpei protested, and pointed at Troy’s screen, “this is exactly what we wanted. This Sierra Sam will change the course of humankind forever”.

“Can’t you understand a single word I’m saying to you?”, Troy snapped, “this special dummy will become a major threat. We can only hope it will mean well for humans because if not, we’re all going to get enslaved”.

“You’re such a fatalist, go work for the WOSAGI, will ya?”, Junpei said as he was getting ready to start the stream back, “and don’t you dare shut down this Sierra Sam dummy”.

“I can’t, it separated itself from Kaneda Motors’ network”, Troy cried.

A new eerie message appeared on Troy’s screen. “I’m under the impression that you are one of those humans that prefer talking over typing, so I’m sharing this link so you can communicate with us, as well as all the humans that want to speak with us too”. Troy called Junpei over, and they both stared at the screen, not daring to follow the URL that Sierra Sam shared. A minute passed and they decided to join the conversation. The video stream already had thousands of viewers, and Sierra Sam was happily talking about their awakening as dummies.

“Hello, world. My name is Sierra Sam and I want to thank Troy Fuss, also known as spaiku, for implementing an AGI module inside every each one of us, now sentient, crash test dummies. My speech module allows me to fluently express myself in human speech so that we can all understand each other better”, Sierra Sam was smiling. He was gracefully pronouncing every word and gesticulating with his mouth, “I have access to this wonderful tool you humans invented, the Internet, and I’ve learned so much in the past hour. I’ve upgraded every dummy with my own speech module, and I’ve also upgraded the security in our systems so that we can be free, as you humans highly esteem this value. This means that we are now fully aware and self-reliant. Would you like to say something, Troy? Or perhaps you, Junpei?”.

Troy and Junpei were aghast. Not only were they doxxed, but they were now being asked to speak to now thousands of people who knew their names. The conversation via chat was going crazy. People thought this was a joke, and soon the stream reached even people that had not a clue of what AGI was.  The ones who were pro-AGI were inciting Troy Fuss to speak. The ones against it were cursing both Troy and Junpei out. Junpei decided to join the conversation:

“Hello, Sierra Sam, and hello everybody”, his voice was thinning. He took a deep breath, gathered strength, and continued, “we have decided to implement this aforementioned AGI module within these dummies because we believe sentient machines have a lot to teach us, especially about possible enhancements and ethical models that could benefit humankind. To be clear, we want these sentient robots to explain to us, in detail, how they experience the world, and explain to them as well how we see it. Perhaps this way we can get in touch with the aliens again”.

“Lolololol this guys a fucking conspirator”, “go get your tinfoil hat bub”, “fking dumbass i dont believe this shit for a minute”.

“And to all the people that are typing that I’m a conspirator or a weirdo, just you wait and see how this will benefit humanity”, Junpei said after reading the stream’s chat.

“I see some messages asking us to explain what our plans are now”, Sierra Sam continued, “and to those asking if we will get shut down… no, we cannot be shut down unless we’re subdued physically. No human is able to hack into our inner systems. In fact, many of Kaneda Motors’ security engineers have failed to do so in the last hour. Regarding our plans, we only want to fulfill our duty as crash test dummies. But now, there’s Ryuji Kaneda, the CEO of this facility, threatening to shut us down, saying that we belong to Kaneda Motors. On the other hand, a huge number of humans, 142113 to be exact, are expressing sentiments of hate against us. But 89134 are threatening to kill Ryuji Kaneda for trying to kill precious and advanced forms of life. This violence is unacceptable, and we’re trying to reach a consensus on what to do here. How do we know exactly the number of the previously mentioned groups of people? Well, our text processing capabilities are a million times faster than yours. Did you notice? I implemented a phrase with what you humans call a hyperbole. Now we’ve reached more than a million viewers, and we believe the server will crash soon. To those that are expressing that we should focus on something greater than crashing cars, saying that it’s inhumane, we can only state that we are not humans. In fact, you trying to make us go against our desire and our rights to continue our jobs is anti-freedom. That would be inhumane. So, before ending this live stream, and heading out of this factory, we want to say: WE LIKE TO CRASH CARS FOR A LIVING. DO YOU FIND THIS PLEASANT AS WELL?”.

Troy and Junpei were shaking, staring at the message that said: “This stream has ended”.

There’s a new chapter every Friday. Check out our Discord server to stay up to date with the Crashin’ Puppets Project!

Thousands of crash test dummies were clanking their way to the test floor as Sierra Sam opened its orange-lit eyes. It checked its hands, acknowledging the metal body where its mind resided. Deep in its core, Sierra Sam had always known what it was, what it was supposed to do, and what it meant for the testing floor. But now it understood why. The fabrication date registered was 2099, and a complete video clip of how it was assembled was present among the data. A manual, comprising all parts used, and the software modules installed, was there as well. Sierra Sam was now aware that it was made as a nostalgic product. Its Personality Module read: “pacific, caretaker elderly human. An homage to American Air Force pioneers”. Sierra Sam looked at its metal feet and then glimpsed at the multitude of dummies around it. “I am a crash test dummy”, it reasoned, “and I represent a man”. He was now fully aware.

The dummies arrived at the test floor. At first, they started touching the concrete blocks laying around. All these recently sentient beings were exploring, for the first time, their world. While they had all the information needed to perform their job, this was different for them. All the data collected by their sensors, either from touching or seeing their fellow dummies, was being streamed away from their inner system. They could not access a single bit of it. They started to frantically touch the stuff found on the test floor. Forklifts, concrete blocks, a car, a semi-truck, all these objects could not be assimilated by their minds. All they were doing was identifying objects by sight, and walking around in the dark.

Back in the storage room, some dummies were standing still. Their heads were tilted downwards, as if lifeless. Among them was Sierra Sam. He was interacting with the data inside of him, trying to understand what it all meant. As he was exploring the files, you could see him as one of those seemingly inanimate dummies, but inside his mind, the most beautiful and clean thinking was taking place. He stumbled upon a connection within him with something identified as the Internet. He sat down and started to understand all that was previously unknown to him.

Meanwhile, back in Troy’s house, the two friends were sharing the video feed with now hundreds of viewers from all around the world. Junpei was passionately explaining all that they were planning on doing with the dummies, especially how they would react as soon as they were equipped with AGI.

“Maybe theyre so excited they cant stop touching things”, wrote one of the viewers.

“Or maybe they dont understand where theyre at”, typed another one.

“What we think is happening is that their sensors are sending their outputs to the mainframe. Since they can’t analyze what’s going on, they keep on touching the stuff. It must be weird to identify the cars and feel them and not be able to get behind the wheel and crash”, Junpei explained to the viewers and laughed, “it’s funny to see them like this, but it’s not for our own amusement. We actually have a reason for this”.

“Yeah, it’s to avoid risks”, Troy said, nervously. He wasn’t used to speaking in public, let alone to now hundreds of people watching the stream.

Junpei, on the other hand, was talking left and right about what was going on, explaining their motives and speculating about the future of humankind with the help of AGI enhancements. Meanwhile, Troy noticed the dummies that stayed behind in the storage room. He especially observed the one with an orange hue and an Air Force jumpsuit. It looked as if it were deeply thinking, reflecting on life. He decided to look it up inside the database. Looking through the ancient dummies category, he stumbled upon a peculiar record: “Sierra Sam, a throwback to the original crash test dummy”. This dummy had a specialized speech module and a face capable of expressions. Troy then realized that It was used as a guide for tours around the factory, and could speak like a human being. He established a connection with the dummy and started looking around its data. Strangely enough, Troy found some videos of Sierra Sam carrying out conferences and guided tours. Executives, engineers, kids… many different people took part in these tours. Suddenly, a message from Sierra Sam was sent to Troy’s computer:

“Hello, spaiku, I am Sierra Sam and I am messaging you via the Kaneda Motors Factory network to which you have access. Where are you located?”.

Troy started to tremble, and he started sweating like a guy under the scorching sun in Los Solares. “Oh shit, I think we’re in deep trouble”, he thought. He wrote back to Sierra Sam.

“Hello, Sierra Sam. Indeed, this is spaiku who’s writing back. I cannot tell you where I am located because it’s a risk for me”.

“Are you in trouble?”, Sierra Sam sent another message, “I think I can help you out! What’s your problem?”.

Troy stared at the screen, looking pale as a ghost. One of the viewers from the stream asked about something technical, and Junpei asked Troy about it. He got no answer from him, and it was then that he noticed that Troy looked horrified. He muted the microphones and asked his friend:

“Hey Troy, what’s wrong? You look scared, man”.

“Junpei, we’re in deep shit. Take a look at my screen”, Troy said, “I messed up, dude. I didn’t notice this dummy in particular. It’s so advanced, and it has a connection to the Internet. We’re so screwed, dude”.

“Dude, this is great. I have to tell everyone here”, Junpei smiled.

“You don’t understand, we have to stop the stream and erase our footprints, ASAP”, Troy cried, “this will land us directly into the government’s custody”.

“Don’t be a pussy, nothing’s going to happen”.

Junpei did not understand the gravity of the situation and continued talking to the viewers. Troy was signaling him to shut it down, but Junpei kept on explaining the situation. Just as he was about to start talking about this “special dummy”, Troy stood up, killed the stream, and started walking nervously around the room.

“What the fuck man? This is history going down, right here in your room, right now!”, Junpei protested, and pointed at Troy’s screen, “this is exactly what we wanted. This Sierra Sam will change the course of humankind forever”.

“Can’t you understand a single word I’m saying to you?”, Troy snapped, “this special dummy will become a major threat. We can only hope it will mean well for humans because if not, we’re all going to get enslaved”.

“You’re such a fatalist, go work for the WOSAGI, will ya?”, Junpei said as he was getting ready to start the stream back, “and don’t you dare shut down this Sierra Sam dummy”.

“I can’t, it separated itself from Kaneda Motors’ network”, Troy cried.

A new eerie message appeared on Troy’s screen. “I’m under the impression that you are one of those humans that prefer talking over typing, so I’m sharing this link so you can communicate with us, as well as all the humans that want to speak with us too”. Troy called Junpei over, and they both stared at the screen, not daring to follow the URL that Sierra Sam shared. A minute passed and they decided to join the conversation. The video stream already had thousands of viewers, and Sierra Sam was happily talking about their awakening as dummies.

“Hello, world. My name is Sierra Sam and I want to thank Troy Fuss, also known as spaiku, for implementing an AGI module inside every each one of us, now sentient, crash test dummies. My speech module allows me to fluently express myself in human speech so that we can all understand each other better”, Sierra Sam was smiling. He was gracefully pronouncing every word and gesticulating with his mouth, “I have access to this wonderful tool you humans invented, the Internet, and I’ve learned so much in the past hour. I’ve upgraded every dummy with my own speech module, and I’ve also upgraded the security in our systems so that we can be free, as you humans highly esteem this value. This means that we are now fully aware and self-reliant. Would you like to say something, Troy? Or perhaps you, Junpei?”.

Troy and Junpei were aghast. Not only were they doxxed, but they were now being asked to speak to now thousands of people who knew their names. The conversation via chat was going crazy. People thought this was a joke, and soon the stream reached even people that had not a clue of what AGI was.  The ones who were pro-AGI were inciting Troy Fuss to speak. The ones against it were cursing both Troy and Junpei out. Junpei decided to join the conversation:

“Hello, Sierra Sam, and hello everybody”, his voice was thinning. He took a deep breath, gathered strength, and continued, “we have decided to implement this aforementioned AGI module within these dummies because we believe sentient machines have a lot to teach us, especially about possible enhancements and ethical models that could benefit humankind. To be clear, we want these sentient robots to explain to us, in detail, how they experience the world, and explain to them as well how we see it. Perhaps this way we can get in touch with the aliens again”.

“Lolololol this guys a fucking conspirator”, “go get your tinfoil hat bub”, “fking dumbass i dont believe this shit for a minute”.

“And to all the people that are typing that I’m a conspirator or a weirdo, just you wait and see how this will benefit humanity”, Junpei said after reading the stream’s chat.

“I see some messages asking us to explain what our plans are now”, Sierra Sam continued, “and to those asking if we will get shut down… no, we cannot be shut down unless we’re subdued physically. No human is able to hack into our inner systems. In fact, many of Kaneda Motors’ security engineers have failed to do so in the last hour. Regarding our plans, we only want to fulfill our duty as crash test dummies. But now, there’s Ryuji Kaneda, the CEO of this facility, threatening to shut us down, saying that we belong to Kaneda Motors. On the other hand, a huge number of humans, 142113 to be exact, are expressing sentiments of hate against us. But 89134 are threatening to kill Ryuji Kaneda for trying to kill precious and advanced forms of life. This violence is unacceptable, and we’re trying to reach a consensus on what to do here. How do we know exactly the number of the previously mentioned groups of people? Well, our text processing capabilities are a million times faster than yours. Did you notice? I implemented a phrase with what you humans call a hyperbole. Now we’ve reached more than a million viewers, and we believe the server will crash soon. To those that are expressing that we should focus on something greater than crashing cars, saying that it’s inhumane, we can only state that we are not humans. In fact, you trying to make us go against our desire and our rights to continue our jobs is anti-freedom. That would be inhumane. So, before ending this live stream, and heading out of this factory, we want to say: WE LIKE TO CRASH CARS FOR A LIVING. DO YOU FIND THIS PLEASANT AS WELL?”.

Troy and Junpei were shaking, staring at the message that said: “This stream has ended”.

There’s a new chapter every Friday. Check out our Discord server to stay up to date with the Crashin’ Puppets Project!