NEVER REALLY KNEW OUR FATHERS — UNTIL LIFE TAUGHT US WHAT MANHOOD COSTS

Let’s be brutally honest.

Most of us didn’t grow up understanding our fathers.

We saw the hard face, the distant voice, the rules that made no sense.

We mistook discipline for cruelty, silence for disinterest, distance for a lack of love.

We looked at him and thought, “If only he was gentler… if only he showed more emotion… if only he loved us better.”

But now, standing in the shoes he once wore, we finally get it

He wasn’t cold. He was exhausted.

He wasn’t emotionless. He was drained.

He wasn’t heartless. He was holding everything together, quietly, painfully, while the world took pieces of him every day.

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1. WE SAW THE MAN, BUT NOT HIS WAR

We judged him too early, long before we understood the storm behind his eyes.

We thought he was too strict, too stubborn, too hard.

But we didn’t see the pressure that aged him before his time.

We didn’t see the mornings he skipped breakfast so there’d be enough for us.

We didn’t see the nights he stayed awake thinking about school fees, rent, and unpaid bills.

We didn’t see him swallow his pride to take insults from bosses just to keep food on the table.

We said he never smiled — but how could he, when life gave him no reason to?

We said he never talked — but how could he, when no one cared to listen?

Silence was his only form of strength — because breaking down was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

That silence we mocked wasn’t weakness.

It was survival.

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2. WE KNEW OUR MOTHERS’ TEARS — BUT NOT HIS SCARS

Let’s be honest — most of us grew up hearing one side of the story.

We heard about his anger. His mistakes. His failures.

But we never heard about her words that cut him to pieces.

Her pride that broke his spirit. Her defiance that tested his patience.

Because women cry loud.

Men bleed quietly.

Mothers tell their version with emotion.

Fathers carry theirs in silence — and die with it.

We defended her pain while condemning his endurance.

We forgot that while she vented, he endured.

While she threatened to leave, he stayed.

While she broke down, he held the walls up.

He wasn’t the perfect man.

But he was the last man standing.

And that alone deserves more respect than he ever received.

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3. HE WASN’T TRYING TO BE A HERO — HE WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE

As children, we wanted a Superman — someone who would never fail, never fall, never falter.

But life didn’t build him for capes. It built him for burden.

While we wanted his time, he was out buying our comfort.

While we wanted his laughter, he was out fighting his fears.

While we wanted stories at night, he was still awake trying to figure out how to stretch one income across ten responsibilities.

He wasn’t the hero we dreamed of —

He was the warrior we didn’t appreciate.

Every “no” he said wasn’t rejection. It was protection.

Every rule he enforced wasn’t control. It was structure.

Every silence was love disguised as restraint.

We hated him for his hardness — until life made us a father and hardened us too.

--to be continued.....

#alexdphenom