🌺 MASTERING ANGER: 4 SECRETS FROM THE ANCIENTS

Anger has a very clever trick: it tricks you into thinking you are standing up for yourself. It whispers in your ear that your outburst is justified, that this rage is not only reasonable but necessary. It seduces you into believing:

"You are not being unreasonable. You are just showing your assertiveness."

But in reality, you are not. You are just an adult screaming at a parking meter. You look like a constipated monkey trying to push out a watermelon. Passersby see you and quickly cross to the other side of the road.

Select an Image

And the funniest thing? Anger is completely self-destructive. It’s like the universe handed you a rubber mallet and said, “Here, hit yourself hard. Trust me, it’ll work out!”

And we all know, it’s ridiculous. We’ve all looked in the mirror and asked ourselves, “Why do I look like I’m auditioning for a Scorsese movie?”

So what do we do? Who has the answers?

I nominate Seneca.

Yes, the ancient Roman philosopher. His name may sound like a toothpaste brand, but what he wrote about anger is profound. And it’s no wonder – his life was full of reasons to be angry…

Seneca and the Art of Anger Management

Imagine: in 41 AD, Seneca—the great philosopher—was suddenly exiled to an island by Emperor Claudius. Why? He was accused of having an affair with Julia Livilla, the emperor’s niece. What a soap opera!

But Seneca was innocent. He didn’t do it. I would have been furious.

So they dumped him on the island of Corsica—not a paradise of white sand and wine, but an island of wind, rocks, wild goats, and absolutely no bars. If ever there was a time to get mad, it’s when you’re exiled to an ancient version of a Motel 6 parking lot.

But Seneca didn’t get mad. What did he do? He wrote a book.

A book that could help us a lot. (Come to think of it, if anyone knows how to keep a cool head, it’s someone who’s been exiled and survived bloodthirsty emperors.)

So what does he teach us?

🌺 ACCEPT THAT DIFFICULTY IS A THING

Anger often stems from expectations. Take a simple example: traffic. You grip the wheel, honk your horn like it’s the soundtrack to a Hans Zimmer movie, your blood pressure skyrockets. Just because you had to stop at two more red lights, you’re about to turn into Liam Neeson in Taken.

But stop and ask yourself:

Are traffic jams rare?

No. They happen every day. So why are we angry? Why not say to ourselves:

“This is normal. I should have expected it. It’s my fault.”

Of course not. We live with a system of wildly unrealistic expectations—a kind of fantasy kingdom where the universe must obey our every wish.

Now imagine you have no expectations at all.

🌧 You wake up and assume that the power is out, the milk is bad, and all the roads are blocked by a herd of stray sheep.

Everything that happens is a blessing.

The toaster works?

A miracle approved by the Pope!

You find yourself enjoying life in a completely different way—like the actors in the drug commercials, smiling and dancing in the sunlit fields, just because the bus arrived on time (almost).

See? Expectations are key.

If you dig deeper, you’ll realize that anger stems from entitlement.

They’re out of your favorite deodorant?

You immediately want to start a Change.org campaign to denounce Walgreens.

But ask yourself this:

“Does the universe owe me this?”

If you don’t entitle yourself to things, you’ll never be angry. You’d just shrug and think, “Yeah, that’s life. It’s normal.”

But no, we have unreasonable expectations, feel like we deserve everything, and believe that if we don’t express our anger, the universe will never understand that we’re right, and it’s wrong.

Here’s the bad news: The universe doesn’t care.

It’s busy exploding stars and shifting tectonic plates. It doesn’t have time to cater to our every little wish.

Yet we still walk around thinking that life is designed just for us, and believing that there must be a magic button called:

“TAP TO SUMMON JUSTICE”

So what do we do?

Seneca says:

“Accept that there are many trials ahead that we will have to endure.”

This is not a pessimistic version of “all is hopeless.” No. This is reality.

If you have unreasonable expectations, you will be disappointed repeatedly. If you think you deserve an easy life, you will find life extremely difficult.

Life can be a festival of absurdity some days.

Your neighbor plays “Sweet Caroline” at 3am.

Your co-worker sends you an email that starts with “As I mentioned in my last email,” as if firing a warning shot at your “Let’s-do-our-job-right” ship.

These things will happen. Set your expectations in the right place. Get rid of the “life owes me something” mentality.

Just like that, you will be much less angry.

🌺 EXPAND YOUR PERSPECTIVE – THE ART OF ESCAPE FROM ANGER

Perspective – something that seems abstract, but has boundless power.

The next time anger flares up, try taking a step back, looking at your life from a broader perspective. Who knows – just who knows – the problems you are worrying about are actually not that big. Zoom in, zoom out, as if you were using Google Earth to observe your own life. Suddenly, your epic tragedy is just a tiny dot on a vast map.

Imagine yourself complaining to someone living in the 19th century:

"Oh my gosh, I can't instantly download a video of a cat playing the piano from an invisible information network that flies to my house via radio waves. Life is so unfair!"

And they look at you blankly and say,

"I just spent 16 hours sewing a shirt by hand. Three of my kids died of dysentery. But yeah, go ahead, I'd really like to hear more about your Wi-Fi."

Suddenly, your petty annoyances don't seem so serious anymore.

🌺 You're Placing Too Much Value on Unimportant Things

Seneca said,

"Anger is a kind of madness, because it makes us place too much value on unimportant things."

We get mad over things that we know are insignificant – and, ironically, we forget about them a few minutes later.

For what?

Just to prove that we were right about loading the dishwasher? (And the dishes should be facing in, everyone knows that!)

These aren't the big moments in a person's life. But we react as if we were fighting for the fate of Middle-earth.

Seneca advises:

"If you want to stop anger from taking over, look at its consequences and measure their value."

Think of all the times anger made things worse. Make a fast-forward movie in your head.

In 99% of cases, anger doesn't solve problems - it only adds fuel to the fire, making things worse.

You write a novel-length message, starting with:

"First of all, I just want to say that..."

Then you hit send...

And immediately, you wish you had a time machine.

Who is the biggest loser? You.

🌺 Socrates' Secret - Laughing Like the Wind

Seneca tells of a time when Socrates was hit on the head. How did he react?

No anger. No screaming. No retaliation.

He just calmly said:

"That's a pain, I should have worn a helmet today."

A true legend.

It's not a big deal, and he doesn't treat it like it's a big deal.

Seneca taught:

"Step back and laugh."

If something isn't serious in the big picture, don't let it become serious to you. Expand your perspective. Find humor in it.

Then anger becomes a game – and you win by refusing to participate.

But what if you don't expand your perspective?

There are moments when everything happens so fast. There's no time to think.

You freeze like you're standing in the middle of a prison yard.

Your jaw clenches.

A string of curses bursts out of your head, making Samuel L. Jackson blush.

So what do you do?

So what should you do then?

🌺 DELAY – THE ART OF CONTROL OF ANGER

Seneca says that the first step to controlling anger is to recognize it when it is rising. We need to be one step ahead of it, before this monster has time to grab the steering wheel and rush straight into the abyss:

"It is always easier to prevent it at the beginning than to control it. Once the door is opened, it is difficult to chase away the guest. When anger has entered the house, it will arrange itself as it pleases, without asking the owner, nor will it reduce its power."

It sounds simple, but it is actually not easy at all. Why?

Because anger is really "cool" at first. The adrenaline rush, the righteous indignation, the feeling that you are the main character in an action movie…

But remember: Once you let anger in, it will rearrange everything in a way that you do not want. And the worst part? You opened the door for it. You pressed the follow button. You even turned on the notification bell.

So instead of trying to resist it, delay it.

Don't fight it. Tell yourself: "Wait. If you still want to, I will explode later."

You can absolutely scream tragically:

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THAT, SIR?!"

But wait a minute.

Seneca said:

"Delay is the best medicine for anger."

Because anger rarely lasts long.

You’re about to unleash a tirade that could chip the paint off someone’s car, but instead, you pause for a second.

You breathe. You ask yourself:

“Maybe they have a point?”

“Maybe, with a little time, I can see things differently?”

Just wait… a… minute.

Then ask yourself:

“Do I want to be in control, or do I want to be the idiot shaking the printer while my coworker makes a TikTok?”

Tell yourself:

“I’ll get angry later.”

And trust me, by then, you probably won’t remember what you were angry about.

🌺 SUMMARY – THE ART OF MANAGING ANGER

How to beat anger?

Accept that challenges are inevitable

Imagine yourself as a real adult (just imagine). Are your expectations too high? Do you think the universe is obligated to ensure your own happiness?

Broaden your perspective

Ask yourself: “In the big picture, does this really matter? Will I care tomorrow or a year from now?”

Procrastination

Yes, sometimes procrastination helps control emotions. Seneca said that procrastination is the best medicine for anger. And he certainly would have done the same after being cut off by a chariot on the Appian Way.

Seneca once said:

“Nothing proves greatness more than not having anything to anger you.”

But humans… are very good at driving us crazy. So what did Seneca think about this?

🌺 TOLERANCE – THE KEY TO RELAXING

“We are all thoughtless and hasty,” he said.

This is so true, because I went to an amusement park one Saturday.

“Everyone has moments of unrest, arguments, ambition…”

Exactly. Just like when I scroll through Twitter.

The point he’s making is:

We all have those moments. Everyone does. Me included. You included.

So before you get angry at someone else’s actions, ask yourself:

“Have I ever done something similar?”

The answer will probably be “Sure.”

Recognize yourself in those moments. And instead of pulling out your moral trident to judge others, smile, shake your head, and think:

“Yeah, I’ve been there.”

Seneca said:

“Let’s be kind to each other. We are all imperfect people, living among imperfect people. Only one thing can bring peace: a pact of mutual tolerance.”

Seneca’s generous view is a philosophical shrug:

“You’re a little messy. So am I. So don’t turn every little thing into a battle of Thermopylae.”

🌺 THE LAST LESSON

It’s easy to get angry at people who are clearly wrong – so wrong that they seem to reinvent the very concept of stupidity.

But remember: You were once that person, too.

Yes, you. Don’t act surprised.

You’ve been wrong, too – maybe in a different way, but stupid enough to make someone mad.

This is a humbling lesson… but also a liberating one.

No one is perfect. But we can try to be better.

We can learn from Seneca.

He was exiled to Corsica for a crime he didn’t commit – but he didn’t get angry.

Before that, he had also been assigned to serve as an advisor to Emperor Nero – a job that was akin to being a fireman in a volcano – but he kept his cool.

So if a man who served a serial killer can live with tolerance… then maybe you can overlook a few unwashed dishes in the sink, too.

🌺 MASTERING ANGER: 4 SECRETS FROM THE ANCIENTS

"You are not being unreasonable. You are just showing your assertiveness."

Select an Image

And the funniest thing? Anger is completely self-destructive. It’s like the universe handed you a rubber mallet and said, “Here, hit yourself hard. Trust me, it’ll work out!”

And we all know, it’s ridiculous. We’ve all looked in the mirror and asked ourselves, “Why do I look like I’m auditioning for a Scorsese movie?”

So what do we do? Who has the answers?

I nominate Seneca.

Yes, the ancient Roman philosopher. His name may sound like a toothpaste brand, but what he wrote about anger is profound. And it’s no wonder – his life was full of reasons to be angry…

Seneca and the Art of Anger Management

But Seneca was innocent. He didn’t do it. I would have been furious.

But Seneca didn’t get mad. What did he do? He wrote a book.

A book that could help us a lot. (Come to think of it, if anyone knows how to keep a cool head, it’s someone who’s been exiled and survived bloodthirsty emperors.)

So what does he teach us?

🌺 ACCEPT THAT DIFFICULTY IS A THING

But stop and ask yourself:

Are traffic jams rare?

No. They happen every day. So why are we angry? Why not say to ourselves:

“This is normal. I should have expected it. It’s my fault.”

Of course not. We live with a system of wildly unrealistic expectations—a kind of fantasy kingdom where the universe must obey our every wish.

Now imagine you have no expectations at all.

🌧 You wake up and assume that the power is out, the milk is bad, and all the roads are blocked by a herd of stray sheep.

Everything that happens is a blessing.

The toaster works?

A miracle approved by the Pope!

You find yourself enjoying life in a completely different way—like the actors in the drug commercials, smiling and dancing in the sunlit fields, just because the bus arrived on time (almost).

See? Expectations are key.

If you dig deeper, you’ll realize that anger stems from entitlement.

They’re out of your favorite deodorant?

You immediately want to start a Change.org campaign to denounce Walgreens.

But ask yourself this:

“Does the universe owe me this?”

If you don’t entitle yourself to things, you’ll never be angry. You’d just shrug and think, “Yeah, that’s life. It’s normal.”

But no, we have unreasonable expectations, feel like we deserve everything, and believe that if we don’t express our anger, the universe will never understand that we’re right, and it’s wrong.

Here’s the bad news: The universe doesn’t care.

It’s busy exploding stars and shifting tectonic plates. It doesn’t have time to cater to our every little wish.

Yet we still walk around thinking that life is designed just for us, and believing that there must be a magic button called:

“TAP TO SUMMON JUSTICE”

So what do we do?

Seneca says:

“Accept that there are many trials ahead that we will have to endure.”

This is not a pessimistic version of “all is hopeless.” No. This is reality.

If you have unreasonable expectations, you will be disappointed repeatedly. If you think you deserve an easy life, you will find life extremely difficult.

Life can be a festival of absurdity some days.

Your neighbor plays “Sweet Caroline” at 3am.

Your co-worker sends you an email that starts with “As I mentioned in my last email,” as if firing a warning shot at your “Let’s-do-our-job-right” ship.

These things will happen. Set your expectations in the right place. Get rid of the “life owes me something” mentality.

Just like that, you will be much less angry.

🌺 EXPAND YOUR PERSPECTIVE – THE ART OF ESCAPE FROM ANGER

Perspective – something that seems abstract, but has boundless power.

Imagine yourself complaining to someone living in the 19th century:

"Oh my gosh, I can't instantly download a video of a cat playing the piano from an invisible information network that flies to my house via radio waves. Life is so unfair!"

And they look at you blankly and say,

"I just spent 16 hours sewing a shirt by hand. Three of my kids died of dysentery. But yeah, go ahead, I'd really like to hear more about your Wi-Fi."

Suddenly, your petty annoyances don't seem so serious anymore.

🌺 You're Placing Too Much Value on Unimportant Things

Seneca said,

"Anger is a kind of madness, because it makes us place too much value on unimportant things."

We get mad over things that we know are insignificant – and, ironically, we forget about them a few minutes later.

For what?

Just to prove that we were right about loading the dishwasher? (And the dishes should be facing in, everyone knows that!)

These aren't the big moments in a person's life. But we react as if we were fighting for the fate of Middle-earth.

Seneca advises:

"If you want to stop anger from taking over, look at its consequences and measure their value."

Think of all the times anger made things worse. Make a fast-forward movie in your head.

In 99% of cases, anger doesn't solve problems - it only adds fuel to the fire, making things worse.

You write a novel-length message, starting with:

"First of all, I just want to say that..."

Then you hit send...

And immediately, you wish you had a time machine.

Who is the biggest loser? You.

🌺 Socrates' Secret - Laughing Like the Wind

Seneca tells of a time when Socrates was hit on the head. How did he react?

No anger. No screaming. No retaliation.

He just calmly said:

"That's a pain, I should have worn a helmet today."

A true legend.

It's not a big deal, and he doesn't treat it like it's a big deal.

Seneca taught:

"Step back and laugh."

If something isn't serious in the big picture, don't let it become serious to you. Expand your perspective. Find humor in it.

Then anger becomes a game – and you win by refusing to participate.

But what if you don't expand your perspective?

There are moments when everything happens so fast. There's no time to think.

You freeze like you're standing in the middle of a prison yard.

Your jaw clenches.

A string of curses bursts out of your head, making Samuel L. Jackson blush.

So what do you do?

So what should you do then?

🌺 DELAY – THE ART OF CONTROL OF ANGER

It sounds simple, but it is actually not easy at all. Why?

Because anger is really "cool" at first. The adrenaline rush, the righteous indignation, the feeling that you are the main character in an action movie…

So instead of trying to resist it, delay it.

Don't fight it. Tell yourself: "Wait. If you still want to, I will explode later."

You can absolutely scream tragically:

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THAT, SIR?!"

But wait a minute.

Seneca said:

"Delay is the best medicine for anger."

Because anger rarely lasts long.

You’re about to unleash a tirade that could chip the paint off someone’s car, but instead, you pause for a second.

You breathe. You ask yourself:

“Maybe they have a point?”

“Maybe, with a little time, I can see things differently?”

Just wait… a… minute.

Then ask yourself:

“Do I want to be in control, or do I want to be the idiot shaking the printer while my coworker makes a TikTok?”

Tell yourself:

“I’ll get angry later.”

And trust me, by then, you probably won’t remember what you were angry about.

🌺 SUMMARY – THE ART OF MANAGING ANGER

How to beat anger?

Accept that challenges are inevitable

Imagine yourself as a real adult (just imagine). Are your expectations too high? Do you think the universe is obligated to ensure your own happiness?

Broaden your perspective

Ask yourself: “In the big picture, does this really matter? Will I care tomorrow or a year from now?”

Procrastination

Seneca once said:

“Nothing proves greatness more than not having anything to anger you.”

But humans… are very good at driving us crazy. So what did Seneca think about this?

🌺 TOLERANCE – THE KEY TO RELAXING

“We are all thoughtless and hasty,” he said.

This is so true, because I went to an amusement park one Saturday.

“Everyone has moments of unrest, arguments, ambition…”

Exactly. Just like when I scroll through Twitter.

The point he’s making is:

We all have those moments. Everyone does. Me included. You included.

So before you get angry at someone else’s actions, ask yourself:

“Have I ever done something similar?”

The answer will probably be “Sure.”

Recognize yourself in those moments. And instead of pulling out your moral trident to judge others, smile, shake your head, and think:

“Yeah, I’ve been there.”

Seneca said:

“Let’s be kind to each other. We are all imperfect people, living among imperfect people. Only one thing can bring peace: a pact of mutual tolerance.”

Seneca’s generous view is a philosophical shrug:

“You’re a little messy. So am I. So don’t turn every little thing into a battle of Thermopylae.”

🌺 THE LAST LESSON

It’s easy to get angry at people who are clearly wrong – so wrong that they seem to reinvent the very concept of stupidity.

But remember: You were once that person, too.

Yes, you. Don’t act surprised.

You’ve been wrong, too – maybe in a different way, but stupid enough to make someone mad.

This is a humbling lesson… but also a liberating one.

No one is perfect. But we can try to be better.

We can learn from Seneca.

He was exiled to Corsica for a crime he didn’t commit – but he didn’t get angry.

Before that, he had also been assigned to serve as an advisor to Emperor Nero – a job that was akin to being a fireman in a volcano – but he kept his cool.

So if a man who served a serial killer can live with tolerance… then maybe you can overlook a few unwashed dishes in the sink, too.

Haan

Haan

No comments yet

Haan

Haan

No comments yet

🌺 MASTERING ANGER: 4 SECRETS FROM THE ANCIENTS

🌺 MASTERING ANGER: 4 SECRETS FROM THE ANCIENTS

No comments yet

No comments yet