I recently came across a reel where a girl brought her sourdough to dinner. Weird? I know. But it's just the kind of thing I absolutely like. She was in the middle of making the sourdough and had to do two hours of “stretch and folds.” So the reel cuts to her tending to the dough in the middle of dinner. Her friends are obviously very amused and, most importantly, very supportive of her.

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But what struck me was her ability to juggle a hobby and commitments to friends. Life gets very real, very fast. Amidst work, laundry, doctor appointments, and perhaps a partner, I think that somewhere when we step into adulthood, we lose touch with friends at a time when we need them the most.

Adulting, with its endless stream of meetings and appointments, often leaves little room for the spontaneity and indulgence that we all require. I have been super guilty of this too—pending messages, juggling, and postponing plans, especially when work gets too much and every slot on my calendar is filled with a meeting or a dentist appointment.

In between the cracks of our over-scheduled lives, I think there’s a need for something more—something that tastes a bit like freshly baked sourdough shared over a warm cup of coffee with a friend who is calling you out on the text message you shouldn’t have sent.

The word "friend" traces back to Old English freond, meaning "one attached to another by feelings of personal regard and preference." It shares roots with the Proto-Germanic frijōjands, which means "lover, friend." There’s a poignant, almost forgotten intimacy in that etymology. This definition makes sense, but it has over time gotten diluted.

We need to shake things up, to redefine and reimagine what friendship means. Because the truth is, nothing is set in stone. Things are the way they are because people haven't dared to find better ways, or they're too caught up in their routines to think of something new. It is time to unpack the paradigms and definitions of friendship. It is time to shake it up a bit (read: a lot). It needs some sprucing up, if I am being very honest.

If you think about it, friendship is one of the rare relationships that isn't upheld by a contract or a formal responsibility. With a partner, there's a marriage certificate; with a colleague, workplace conduct; with family, a sense of indebtedness. But a friend? It seems like there are no rules in place, except the mere act of showing up for each other. Again and Again! You don’t make your friendship official! You don’t soft launch a new friend! Do you celebrate a decade-long friendship? Probably not.

We talk about friends, sure, but rarely with the same passion and intensity we reserve for romantic partners. Yet, it's those very friendships that often serve as the bedrock of our lives, the sturdy foundation upon which all other relationships are built.

According to me, there are three inherent problems with how we view friendships:

1. The lack of rituals and formalisation.

2. Our scope of acceptable friend activities is laughably narrow.

3. Who we can consider our friends is always up in the air.

My only answer to the above is, it is up to you, really. Exes can become friends, and friends can become exes. Relationships are not always linear, nor do they fit neatly into categories. You can develop platonic friendships with people you've had romantic pasts with and vice versa also. At the end of the day, anything you do just requires maturity, mutual respect, clear boundaries and a hint of going against the grain.

On the flip side, friend breakups are real. They can be as heart-wrenching as romantic separations, if not more so. When a friendship ends, it often leaves a void that's hard to fill because friendships are rarely as formalized or ritualized as romantic relationships. There's no breakup talk, no closure dinner. The loss can be abrupt and disorienting.

We're often unintentionally callous, not intentional about nurturing them. With a partner or spouse, date nights are a given. So what would happen if we were intentional about our friendships? If we treated them with the same care and commitment? If we created rituals and celebrated milestones? Maybe our friendships would look different. Maybe they’d be stronger, deeper, more resilient. And also a little more silly and not bound by the calendar.

I think we should have PowerPoint nights where we share what’s keeping us up. I think we should do trivia nights, explore museums, go on picnics in the park, take nature walks and identify birds, run together, make pottery, embark on trips to obscure lands, and pet kittens.

Errands with friends? Absolutely. We should be able to go on work dates, sitting in silence as we each tackle our to-do lists, or accompany each other to passport appointments, dentist appointments, and bank errands. Our busy schedules shouldn't limit us to dinner dates only. Let's normalize saying no when we can't make it and embrace the joy of doing mundane tasks together. And most importantly, pick them up from the airport (yes, even if it is from the Kempegowda International Airport. Especially then).

You should do a silly little project with your friend about giraffes.

You should accompany them to get a haircut.

You should accompany them if they need to update their phone number for their Aadhar.

You should go to a nursery and help them pick out plants for their new balcony.

Conventional ways of being friends are out; sending them daily Wordle puzzles without any context is in.

We have rigid ideas about what it means to keep in touch. We categorize activities by relationships—partner activities, friend activities, group activities etc. I propose we mix it up. I propose, we not care for these silly boxes.

Kiss your friends. Hold their hands. Give them a big hug.

I am in love with my friends a little. If you aren’t, get new friends that you can be in love with as well.