Jordi Kidsune1.2.5 Find your core wants and drivers
"Knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it." - Mae West In this chapter, you will embark on a journey to discover and understand your core drivers - the motivating forces that influence your behavior and decision-making. You will learn about the concept of the "Yearning Octopus," which is a metaphor for the various wants and desires that shape our goals and motivations. You will also discover the importance of identifying, prioritizing and fulfilling your wants, and the role ...
Jordi Kidsune1.2.6 Find purpose and meaning
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away” - Pablo Picasso It’s a question as old as time: “What is my purpose in life?” As far back as the fourth century BC, Aristotle was pondering life’s purpose and developing his theory of teleology, or the idea that everything in life has purpose. In today’s fast-paced, technology-filled world where we are being pulled in many directions at once, finding the purpose of life seems more important than ever. Finding m...
Jordi Kidsune4.16 Small Lifehacks
An elegant way to tie a scarfGreat free websites:Source 1How to fold the world-record paper airplane
Each one, teach one. I help students learn, earn, return 🌱 Find me on Twitter @Jordi_Kidsune #web3 #personaldevelopment
Jordi Kidsune1.2.5 Find your core wants and drivers
"Knowing what you want is the first step towards getting it." - Mae West In this chapter, you will embark on a journey to discover and understand your core drivers - the motivating forces that influence your behavior and decision-making. You will learn about the concept of the "Yearning Octopus," which is a metaphor for the various wants and desires that shape our goals and motivations. You will also discover the importance of identifying, prioritizing and fulfilling your wants, and the role ...
Jordi Kidsune1.2.6 Find purpose and meaning
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away” - Pablo Picasso It’s a question as old as time: “What is my purpose in life?” As far back as the fourth century BC, Aristotle was pondering life’s purpose and developing his theory of teleology, or the idea that everything in life has purpose. In today’s fast-paced, technology-filled world where we are being pulled in many directions at once, finding the purpose of life seems more important than ever. Finding m...
Jordi Kidsune4.16 Small Lifehacks
An elegant way to tie a scarfGreat free websites:Source 1How to fold the world-record paper airplane
Each one, teach one. I help students learn, earn, return 🌱 Find me on Twitter @Jordi_Kidsune #web3 #personaldevelopment
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"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."
- Aristotle
Welcome to the next chapter in our personal growth course, where we will be exploring the reasons behind why we do what we do. Understanding the motivations and drivers behind our actions is a crucial step in personal growth and self-awareness. In this chapter, we will be delving into the different factors that influence why we do what we do, including values, goals, needs, emotions, beliefs, experiences, culture, and the power of purpose. By understanding what drives us, we can make more intentional and purposeful choices in life.
You will discover:
Why we do what we do and how different factors influence our actions
The importance of understanding Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs
How our emotions and actions relate to our Six Human Needs
How understanding our own needs and psychology can help us achieve our goals
How to identify and fulfill our own human needs in a healthy way.
There are many different factors that influence why we do what we do. In this chapter we will focus on the third element: what are your needs. Other most common factors include:
Values: Our values are our most deeply held beliefs about what is important and meaningful in life. They shape our actions, thoughts, and decisions and can be a powerful motivator. We discussed this in previous chapter.
Goals: Our goals are the things we want to achieve or accomplish in life. They give us direction and focus and can motivate us to take action. The importance of taking action in order to create meaningful change in our lives. Identify our goals and take consistent, small steps towards achieving them.
Needs: Our needs are things we require in order to survive and thrive. They can include basic needs like food, shelter, and safety, as well as more complex needs like love, connection, and meaning. The six human needs: all human behavior is driven by the desire to fulfill six basic needs. Certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution. Understanding these needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others.
Emotions: Our emotions play a significant role in why we do what we do. They can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions, and can be a powerful motivator.
Beliefs: Our beliefs are our convictions about what is true or false, right or wrong. They shape our perspective and can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions. Our beliefs shape our reality and can either limit or empower us. Challenge and change limiting beliefs in order to achieve greater success and fulfillment.
Experience: Our experiences shape how we see the world and can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions.
Culture: The culture in which we live can shape our values, beliefs, and behaviors and can influence why we do what we do.
The power of purpose: having a clear sense of purpose can be a powerful motivator and help us overcome challenges and setbacks. Find and pursue our passions in order to create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Ultimately, the reasons why we do what we do are complex and multifaceted and can be influenced by a combination of these and other factors. Understanding what drives us can help us make more intentional and purposeful choices in life.
⚡️ Question: What are some common factors that influence why we do what we do?
Answer: A) Values B) Goals C) Needs D) Emotions E) Beliefs F) Experience G) Culture H) The power of purpose
From the Tony Robbins TED talk and Tony Robbins website (both recommended).
Why do people constantly check their phone, or procrastinate? Why do people put their work before their relationships, or vice versa? Why do people act selfishly, or selflessly? Why do people seek fame, or seek solitude?… Why do people do what they do?
The reasons behind our actions are often complex and multifaceted, but they often stem from our basic human needs. Understanding these needs can help us to understand ourselves and our motivations better, and can also help us to make positive changes in our lives. By acknowledging and fulfilling these needs, we can strive for personal growth and fulfillment, rather than just reacting to circumstances or comparing ourselves to others
There is always a reason behind your actions. You may not know what that reason is – at least not consciously. In fact, quite often people act and behave in ways that seem irrational and inexplicable, even to themselves. And there are a million answers to the question, “Why do I do the things I do?” But all these reasons revolve around just six primary driving forces.
The Six Human Needs are fundamental to every single person and shape how we live our lives. No matter what country you are from, what your socioeconomic status is, no matter your race, your religion, your color, your creed; no matter what your goals, desires, values, morals or dreams are – we all share these same needs.
These needs are often referred to as the "hierarchy of needs," as proposed by psychologist Abraham Maslow. According to Maslow, these needs are arranged in a hierarchy, with the most basic needs (such as physiological and safety needs) at the bottom and the more complex needs (such as self-actualization) at the top. Maslow's hierarchy of needs suggests that we must fulfill our basic needs before we can move on to higher levels of need. However, it is important to note that these needs are not mutually exclusive, and we may have multiple needs that drive our actions at any given time. Additionally, the importance and priority of these needs can vary from person to person.
Understanding these six human needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others. It can also provide insight into what motivates us and what we need in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life.
If you want to understand why are you the way that you are on a deeper, more meaningful level, then you must begin with understanding these needs. Because once you do, you will understand why you act and react in certain ways. And that awareness is a key step to making a pivotal shift in your life so that you can overcome obstacles and embrace opportunities to ultimately find absolute fulfillment. Stop comparing yourself to others and achieve your own unique success.
⚡️ Flashcard question: What are the six human needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Flashcard answer: The six human needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs are physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, self-actualization needs, and self-transcendence needs.
As you have seen in his video, Tony Robbins gives his own spin to this pyramid. Many flavors are possible, but let’s discuss the one from Tony Robbins a bit more with practical examples and other words. Goal: to clarify your needs from bottom to top.
Certainty: This need refers to the desire for safety, security, and predictability in life. People seek certainty in order to feel a sense of control and stability. Certainty is the need to avoid pain and ideally find some comfort. That is why this is the most basic need we all have – a survival mechanism. We have to have certainty to even function in our daily lives. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncertain about something that was really important, like your health or the health of a loved one? How about uncertainty about your job or whether you’re going to make enough money to make ends meet? When our certainty is threatened, it is difficult to think clearly. When we are uncertain about something that matters, nothing else functions.
Now, we all try to find certainty, but we all go about it differently. Some people get certainty by establishing a routine. Some get it by lowering their expectations and saying, “I will never get what I want.” Others get it by trying to control everything and everyone. And still others get their certainty through faith and prayer. Every single person has their own way of meeting that basic need. The question is, are you meeting your need for certainty in a way that is empowering or disempowering you? Everyone prioritizes these human needs differently, but you have the power to choose what you focus on. Variety
Variety: This need refers to the desire for change, novelty, and excitement in life. People seek variety in order to stimulate their senses and avoid boredom. The answer to “Why do people do what they do?” isn’t straightforward. The Six Human Needs can even appear to conflict with each other: We don’t just crave certainty – we also crave uncertainty.
The problem with certainty is that once we have it in every respect, we get bored. Our passion is found in the realm of uncertainty, or variety. Variety creates excitement for us. That’s what adventure is. It makes us feel alive. And we need surprises in our lives, because that’s what helps us grow. But just like with our need for certainty, we all strive to meet our need for variety in ways that are good, neutral and bad.
Some people find variety by doing drugs. Others will do it by over-eating. Some try extreme sports. Others get variety from a conversation with someone they find interesting, or by setting a new goal. And still others get variety by having a big problem. There are a million ways to get variety. The only question is, what is your way, and is it helping or hurting you.
Significance: This need refers to the desire to feel unique, special, and important. People seek significance in order to feel a sense of self-worth and value. We all have the need to feel that our lives are significant – that our lives are important, unique and in some way special.
First, we don’t value all six of the needs equally. Some have certainty as their top need. Some will have love and connection. Others may have significance. But whichever is number one is going to change the way you live your life.
Second, even if two people are both driven by the need for certainty, one person’s way of getting certainty will be different than the other’s. Perhaps one person’s rule for finding certainty is they have to work 20 hours a day, whereas another gets certainty by making everything wrong. “It will never work, and it’s all a waste of time. Why would I even get my hopes up?”
It seems counterintuitive, but people really will destroy their dreams and even break their own values to meet their needs. Understanding how our emotions and actions relate to our Six Human Needs is a key part of learning how to have more compassion for yourself and for others. If any of the following traits sound familiar, you might be surprised to learn they relate back to your Six Human Needs.
Lying. An honest person will lie because they value their needs more than their morals. They may lie in an interview to get a more fulfilling job, lie on a date to create a sense of connection or lie to their partner to avoid an argument – and create certainty in the relationship.
Cheating. When a person cheats, their relationship needs aren’t being fulfilled. The sense of love and connection has been lost. Their partner no longer makes them feel significant. Or the spark is gone – the spontaneity and variety of the early years are replaced by boring certainty.
Attention seeking. Do you always find yourself in the middle of drama? Chances are it’s because of your own behavior, not others. You can want to feel significant by making yourself the center of a problem, or you could be craving variety.
Bad habits. Vices are one of the biggest indicators that our needs aren’t being met in healthy ways. Alcohol-fueled nights out can bring variety into our lives. But we can also turn to bad habits because we crave certainty – we know drugs, alcohol and too much food are bad for us, but we also know they will always be there.
Never saying no. It’s easy to mistake being a “yes” person for being fulfilling – it makes you feel significant and needed. But be careful you’re not ignoring your own needs. You may think you’re doing something because you’re a nice person or you feel obligated, but it’s actually your need for certainty.
So why do you do what you do? Now that you understand the 6 Human Needs and how they relate to your decisions, you can identify and correct their negative effects on your life. All dysfunctional behaviors arise from the inability to consistently meet these core needs. But people’s needs aren’t just behind the bad decisions we make – they are also behind all of the great things humans accomplish. Understanding your own needs and psychology can not only help you avoid toxic behaviors and habits but can also help you achieve your goals. If you can make empowering, positive shifts at this moment, then you can shift the entire direction of your life.
⚡️ Flashcard question: Why do people behave differently even though we all have the same six human needs?
Flashcard answer: People behave differently because they prioritize and fulfill their human needs in different ways. These differences can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as life experiences, cultural background, and individual differences. Additionally, the importance and priority of these needs can vary from person to person.
Each of us is unique and shaped by our individual life events and corresponding emotions. Many of our deepest needs are developed in childhood when our minds are taking in all the information they can. This information, whether positive or negative, creates our beliefs and values – and those create our entire world. It’s even been proven that stress in childhood has lasting effects on brain chemistry and development.
Each of us prioritizes our needs differently, and our decisions are based on which needs we put first. While the 6 human needs are deep-seated, remember that your past is not your future unless you live there. You can choose to fulfill your needs in a healthy way, as well as bring balance to your life by developing your ability to fulfill all of your needs equally.
Certainty
If certainty is one of your core needs, you need to feel secure and safe about the future. When you receive positive recognition, it may be accompanied by a need for certainty that the recognition is authentic and will continue. In order to live a life filled with certainty, your life has to stay the same – a nearly impossible expectation to fulfill. So, you artificially control your environment by changing your expectations or by avoiding new situations or people. This process provides you with assurance that your actions will either avoid pain or gain pleasure, which then fulfills the basic human need for certainty.
How to tell if certainty is one of your core needs: You are trustworthy and always do what you say you’ll do. You enjoy planning, thrive on a schedule and are very organized. You’re hesitant to take risks and have new experiences. You may fall into addictive or obsessive behaviors.
How to fulfill a need for certainty: Find activities that you enjoy, but that also push you slightly out of your comfort zone. Incorporate healthily and empowering routines into your life. Give back to others to promote growth and contribution in a consistent way.
Uncertainty/variety
Though it’s important to understand the beauty of uncertainty, those who experience this as one of their top basic human needs can take it to an extreme. They engage in frequent job or relationship changes for the sake of variety or take unnecessary risks to achieve the adrenaline jolt they crave. However, if uncertainty is one of your top 6 human needs, you will be unafraid of taking risks and will not avoid new situations or people.
How to tell if variety is one of your core needs: You’re generally outgoing and like meeting new people. You’re always willing to do something new and have many interests. You can be unfocused and lack planning skills, and perhaps push people away in relationships.
How to fulfill a need for variety: Feed your mind regularly with a variety of new information. Switch up your exercise routine, eat new foods and take classes with new people. Learn how to ignite passion in your life and relationships.
Significance
If significance is among the top two of your 6 human needs, then part of meeting that need includes receiving recognition. This translates into a desire to be seen, heard and listened to – in short, you want to be noticed. You measure significance by what you believe makes you unique compared to everyone else around you. Recognition provides you with a sense of validation that makes you feel seen, special, and/or needed. Recognition is a major driving force behind human behavior because it provides us with a measurement system to analyze and track our significance. Recognition is also an extremely important part of keeping up employee productivity.
Those who don’t devise a positive way to feel significant may end up taking drastic measures to make themselves feel good, like turning to alcohol or engaging in frequent arguments. Others surround themselves with people that they view as less skilled or accomplished to provide contrast to their own achievements. Either scenario can result in increased significance – but neither behavior is particularly healthy.
How to tell if significance is one of your core needs: You’re highly driven to be successful and love setting and reaching goals. You’re committed to a cause – or several causes. Others tell you that you stand out. You can be overly competitive, perfectionistic, or dramatic.
How to fulfill a need for significance: Channel your competitive nature into healthy activities by learning a new sport or skill or by volunteering. Work on your people skills to become a more well-rounded leader. Commit to total mastery of your profession or career.
Connection/love
If connection/love is your top basic human need, you are constantly seeking out a close relationship with someone or something. You truly understand that love wakes you up to the gift of life. People need love, and this can lead to some incredibly fulfilling relationships – but it can also cause you to sacrifice self-care in order to take care of others or maintain a partnership.
How to tell if connection is one of your core needs: Loyalty and generosity with those you love are your top values. You give freely and others find you trustworthy. You have strong social ties, but you can sometimes lose your sense of self and find it hard to say “no.”
How to fulfill a need for connection: Be willing to be vulnerable and create deeper, more meaningful friendships. Communicate your needs to your partner to improve intimacy. Achieve greater spirituality through prayer, meditation or connecting with nature.
Growth
Those whose foremost core need is growth are always striving to be better and learn more. They are very good at their jobs but tend to move on quickly as soon as they believe they’ve reached their full potential. Though their constant striving for betterment ensures they will never be bored, they can err on the side of perfectionism and neglect the rest and relaxation they need to keep stress levels manageable.
How to tell if growth is one of your core needs: You’re always pushing boundaries, both your own and those set for you by others and by society. You’re very independent and are not attached to material things. You may find it hard to connect with others and move on too quickly from relationships.
How to fulfill a need for growth: Develop your growth mindset even further by challenging yourself to not only learn, but truly master a difficult skill. Don’t forget emotional and spiritual growth: examine your limiting beliefs, learn to control your emotions and take up meditation or priming.
Contribution
The secret to living is giving, and those who experience contribution as one of their top 6 human needs know this better than anyone. If you have a need to contribute, you will likely make a big difference in your community. However, you can lose sight of the fact that giving begins at home and neglect those closest to you as you change the world.
How to tell if contribution is one of your core needs: You’re an extremely empathetic and compassionate person. You enjoy giving back and sharing what you have. You want to leave a legacy. Yet you may burn out easily or be taken advantage of by others.
How to fulfill a need for contribution: Giving back is the best way to fulfill this need. Don’t just join a volunteer group – start your own. The closer the cause is to your heart, the more fulfilled you will feel.
Flashcard Question: How do we develop our core needs?
Flashcard Answer: Our core needs are developed through a combination of nature and nurture. Our genetic makeup, life experiences, and the people we interact with all play a role in shaping our needs and how we try to fulfill them. Our needs can also change and evolve over time as we grow and learn from our experiences.
Many of your behaviors are based on which of your needs are – or are not – being met. Depending on which of the basic human needs are foremost in your personality, you could be spending a lot of time consciously or subconsciously meeting one or two of them. And if you don’t succeed, it could negatively impact your overall sense of well-being.
Knowing which of your 6 human needs is your primary driver and how this affects your ability to connect with others and develop healthy relationships is crucial to your understanding of what fuels you. It can also help you better understand and manage triggers and be in charge of your own emotions.
By better understanding which of the basic human needs is your driving force, you can set goals for yourself and implement positive behaviors to help you achieve those goals. Understanding these needs, and which ones you want to meet in any given moment, can help you embrace the power of growth and create new patterns that lead to lasting fulfillment.
When you decide to take action, there are three decisions you are making every moment of your life:
What am I going to focus on? Focus = feeling. Do you think about the past/present/future, do you think about yourself or others?
What does it mean? Is it the end or the beginning? Are you being punished or rewarded?
What are you going to do? Are you going to give up or move forward?
Acting sometimes require a mind-shift from a mind on resources towards a resourceful mind. Have you ever found yourself saying that you don't have the time, money, or other resources you need to achieve your goals? It's easy to feel overwhelmed or discouraged when we think we don't have what it takes to succeed. However, it's important to remember that becoming successful in meeting your needs and achieving your goals requires this shift in your mindset. Instead of focusing on external resources like time, money, and technology, try shifting your focus to developing internal qualities like creativity, determination, curiosity, and passion (= resourceful mind). These qualities can help you find solutions and make progress towards your goals, no matter what challenges you may face. So, if you're feeling stuck or uncertain about how to achieve your goals, try shifting your focus to becoming more resourceful and developing the qualities that will help you succeed. You might be surprised at what you can accomplish!
In conclusion, understanding the reasons why we do what we do is an important step in personal growth and self-awareness. Understanding the six human needs, and how they influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions can help us make more intentional and purposeful choices in life. Embrace this knowledge and use it to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Next chapter we will dive deeper into how to find our core strengths, which are closely related to our core values and needs. The journey continues.
What is the main reason for understanding the six human needs?
A) To identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others
B) To find absolute fulfillment and stop comparing ourselves to others
C) To make positive changes in our lives
D) All of the above
Answer: D) All of the above Explanation: Understanding the six human needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others, as well as provide insight into what motivates us and what we need in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life. Additionally, understanding these needs can help us make positive changes in our lives and achieve our own unique success, rather than constantly comparing ourselves to others.
Which of the following is NOT one of the Six Human Needs?
A) Certainty
B) Love
C) Variety
D) Significance
Answer: B) Love Explanation: The Six Human Needs are often referred to as the "hierarchy of needs," as proposed by psychologist Abraham Maslow. These needs include certainty, variety, significance, love, connection, and growth. Love is not included in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but it is often considered a fundamental human need.
What is one reason why people behave differently even though we all have the same six basic human needs?
A) We prioritize our needs differently
B) We have different life experiences
C) We have different cultural backgrounds
D) All of the above
Answer: D) All of the above Explanation: While we all share the same six basic human needs, the way we prioritize and fulfill these needs can vary greatly from person to person. Our life experiences, cultural background, and individual differences all play a role in shaping how we behave and make decisions. Additionally, the importance and priority of our needs can change over time and can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as age, goals, values, and circumstances
Reflect on the six human needs discussed in the chapter: certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.
Think about which of these needs you prioritize the most and why.
Identify areas in your life where your needs are not being met in a healthy way and come up with a plan to fulfill them in a positive manner.
Reflect on how understanding your core needs can help you make more intentional and purposeful choices in your life.
In order to truly understand and apply the concepts discussed in this chapter on why we do what we do, it's important to take a step back and reflect on our own motivations and behavior. One exercise that can help with this is to make a list of your top values, and then consider how they shape your actions and decisions in your daily life. Reflect on if they align with your goals and aspirations in life and how you can align them better. This exercise will not only help you understand your values better, but it will also give you a clearer understanding of what drives you and what you want to achieve in life. Furthermore, it will also help you to identify if there are any areas of your life where you may be acting in ways that are not in alignment with your values, and make the necessary changes to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.
What are some of your personal values and how do they shape your actions and decisions in your daily life?
How do you currently fulfill your six basic human needs? Are there any areas where you struggle to meet them in a healthy way?
How can understanding your own needs and psychology help you achieve your goals and improve your relationships?
In what ways do you think society and culture shape our values, beliefs, and behaviors?
How can you use the knowledge of your needs to make more intentional and purposeful choices in your life?
Tony Robbins TED talk: "Why we do what we do" (https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do)
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/maslow-s-hierarchy-of-needs)
The Six Human Needs by Tony Robbins (https://www.tonyrobbins.com/the-six-human-needs/)
"Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us" by Daniel H. Pink (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/486584.Drive)
"The Power of Purpose" by Richard Leider (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/245918.The_Power_of_Purpose)
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4099.The_7_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People)
"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."
- Aristotle
Welcome to the next chapter in our personal growth course, where we will be exploring the reasons behind why we do what we do. Understanding the motivations and drivers behind our actions is a crucial step in personal growth and self-awareness. In this chapter, we will be delving into the different factors that influence why we do what we do, including values, goals, needs, emotions, beliefs, experiences, culture, and the power of purpose. By understanding what drives us, we can make more intentional and purposeful choices in life.
You will discover:
Why we do what we do and how different factors influence our actions
The importance of understanding Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs
How our emotions and actions relate to our Six Human Needs
How understanding our own needs and psychology can help us achieve our goals
How to identify and fulfill our own human needs in a healthy way.
There are many different factors that influence why we do what we do. In this chapter we will focus on the third element: what are your needs. Other most common factors include:
Values: Our values are our most deeply held beliefs about what is important and meaningful in life. They shape our actions, thoughts, and decisions and can be a powerful motivator. We discussed this in previous chapter.
Goals: Our goals are the things we want to achieve or accomplish in life. They give us direction and focus and can motivate us to take action. The importance of taking action in order to create meaningful change in our lives. Identify our goals and take consistent, small steps towards achieving them.
Needs: Our needs are things we require in order to survive and thrive. They can include basic needs like food, shelter, and safety, as well as more complex needs like love, connection, and meaning. The six human needs: all human behavior is driven by the desire to fulfill six basic needs. Certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution. Understanding these needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others.
Emotions: Our emotions play a significant role in why we do what we do. They can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions, and can be a powerful motivator.
Beliefs: Our beliefs are our convictions about what is true or false, right or wrong. They shape our perspective and can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions. Our beliefs shape our reality and can either limit or empower us. Challenge and change limiting beliefs in order to achieve greater success and fulfillment.
Experience: Our experiences shape how we see the world and can influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions.
Culture: The culture in which we live can shape our values, beliefs, and behaviors and can influence why we do what we do.
The power of purpose: having a clear sense of purpose can be a powerful motivator and help us overcome challenges and setbacks. Find and pursue our passions in order to create a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Ultimately, the reasons why we do what we do are complex and multifaceted and can be influenced by a combination of these and other factors. Understanding what drives us can help us make more intentional and purposeful choices in life.
⚡️ Question: What are some common factors that influence why we do what we do?
Answer: A) Values B) Goals C) Needs D) Emotions E) Beliefs F) Experience G) Culture H) The power of purpose
From the Tony Robbins TED talk and Tony Robbins website (both recommended).
Why do people constantly check their phone, or procrastinate? Why do people put their work before their relationships, or vice versa? Why do people act selfishly, or selflessly? Why do people seek fame, or seek solitude?… Why do people do what they do?
The reasons behind our actions are often complex and multifaceted, but they often stem from our basic human needs. Understanding these needs can help us to understand ourselves and our motivations better, and can also help us to make positive changes in our lives. By acknowledging and fulfilling these needs, we can strive for personal growth and fulfillment, rather than just reacting to circumstances or comparing ourselves to others
There is always a reason behind your actions. You may not know what that reason is – at least not consciously. In fact, quite often people act and behave in ways that seem irrational and inexplicable, even to themselves. And there are a million answers to the question, “Why do I do the things I do?” But all these reasons revolve around just six primary driving forces.
The Six Human Needs are fundamental to every single person and shape how we live our lives. No matter what country you are from, what your socioeconomic status is, no matter your race, your religion, your color, your creed; no matter what your goals, desires, values, morals or dreams are – we all share these same needs.
These needs are often referred to as the "hierarchy of needs," as proposed by psychologist Abraham Maslow. According to Maslow, these needs are arranged in a hierarchy, with the most basic needs (such as physiological and safety needs) at the bottom and the more complex needs (such as self-actualization) at the top. Maslow's hierarchy of needs suggests that we must fulfill our basic needs before we can move on to higher levels of need. However, it is important to note that these needs are not mutually exclusive, and we may have multiple needs that drive our actions at any given time. Additionally, the importance and priority of these needs can vary from person to person.
Understanding these six human needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others. It can also provide insight into what motivates us and what we need in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life.
If you want to understand why are you the way that you are on a deeper, more meaningful level, then you must begin with understanding these needs. Because once you do, you will understand why you act and react in certain ways. And that awareness is a key step to making a pivotal shift in your life so that you can overcome obstacles and embrace opportunities to ultimately find absolute fulfillment. Stop comparing yourself to others and achieve your own unique success.
⚡️ Flashcard question: What are the six human needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Flashcard answer: The six human needs according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs are physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, self-actualization needs, and self-transcendence needs.
As you have seen in his video, Tony Robbins gives his own spin to this pyramid. Many flavors are possible, but let’s discuss the one from Tony Robbins a bit more with practical examples and other words. Goal: to clarify your needs from bottom to top.
Certainty: This need refers to the desire for safety, security, and predictability in life. People seek certainty in order to feel a sense of control and stability. Certainty is the need to avoid pain and ideally find some comfort. That is why this is the most basic need we all have – a survival mechanism. We have to have certainty to even function in our daily lives. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncertain about something that was really important, like your health or the health of a loved one? How about uncertainty about your job or whether you’re going to make enough money to make ends meet? When our certainty is threatened, it is difficult to think clearly. When we are uncertain about something that matters, nothing else functions.
Now, we all try to find certainty, but we all go about it differently. Some people get certainty by establishing a routine. Some get it by lowering their expectations and saying, “I will never get what I want.” Others get it by trying to control everything and everyone. And still others get their certainty through faith and prayer. Every single person has their own way of meeting that basic need. The question is, are you meeting your need for certainty in a way that is empowering or disempowering you? Everyone prioritizes these human needs differently, but you have the power to choose what you focus on. Variety
Variety: This need refers to the desire for change, novelty, and excitement in life. People seek variety in order to stimulate their senses and avoid boredom. The answer to “Why do people do what they do?” isn’t straightforward. The Six Human Needs can even appear to conflict with each other: We don’t just crave certainty – we also crave uncertainty.
The problem with certainty is that once we have it in every respect, we get bored. Our passion is found in the realm of uncertainty, or variety. Variety creates excitement for us. That’s what adventure is. It makes us feel alive. And we need surprises in our lives, because that’s what helps us grow. But just like with our need for certainty, we all strive to meet our need for variety in ways that are good, neutral and bad.
Some people find variety by doing drugs. Others will do it by over-eating. Some try extreme sports. Others get variety from a conversation with someone they find interesting, or by setting a new goal. And still others get variety by having a big problem. There are a million ways to get variety. The only question is, what is your way, and is it helping or hurting you.
Significance: This need refers to the desire to feel unique, special, and important. People seek significance in order to feel a sense of self-worth and value. We all have the need to feel that our lives are significant – that our lives are important, unique and in some way special.
First, we don’t value all six of the needs equally. Some have certainty as their top need. Some will have love and connection. Others may have significance. But whichever is number one is going to change the way you live your life.
Second, even if two people are both driven by the need for certainty, one person’s way of getting certainty will be different than the other’s. Perhaps one person’s rule for finding certainty is they have to work 20 hours a day, whereas another gets certainty by making everything wrong. “It will never work, and it’s all a waste of time. Why would I even get my hopes up?”
It seems counterintuitive, but people really will destroy their dreams and even break their own values to meet their needs. Understanding how our emotions and actions relate to our Six Human Needs is a key part of learning how to have more compassion for yourself and for others. If any of the following traits sound familiar, you might be surprised to learn they relate back to your Six Human Needs.
Lying. An honest person will lie because they value their needs more than their morals. They may lie in an interview to get a more fulfilling job, lie on a date to create a sense of connection or lie to their partner to avoid an argument – and create certainty in the relationship.
Cheating. When a person cheats, their relationship needs aren’t being fulfilled. The sense of love and connection has been lost. Their partner no longer makes them feel significant. Or the spark is gone – the spontaneity and variety of the early years are replaced by boring certainty.
Attention seeking. Do you always find yourself in the middle of drama? Chances are it’s because of your own behavior, not others. You can want to feel significant by making yourself the center of a problem, or you could be craving variety.
Bad habits. Vices are one of the biggest indicators that our needs aren’t being met in healthy ways. Alcohol-fueled nights out can bring variety into our lives. But we can also turn to bad habits because we crave certainty – we know drugs, alcohol and too much food are bad for us, but we also know they will always be there.
Never saying no. It’s easy to mistake being a “yes” person for being fulfilling – it makes you feel significant and needed. But be careful you’re not ignoring your own needs. You may think you’re doing something because you’re a nice person or you feel obligated, but it’s actually your need for certainty.
So why do you do what you do? Now that you understand the 6 Human Needs and how they relate to your decisions, you can identify and correct their negative effects on your life. All dysfunctional behaviors arise from the inability to consistently meet these core needs. But people’s needs aren’t just behind the bad decisions we make – they are also behind all of the great things humans accomplish. Understanding your own needs and psychology can not only help you avoid toxic behaviors and habits but can also help you achieve your goals. If you can make empowering, positive shifts at this moment, then you can shift the entire direction of your life.
⚡️ Flashcard question: Why do people behave differently even though we all have the same six human needs?
Flashcard answer: People behave differently because they prioritize and fulfill their human needs in different ways. These differences can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as life experiences, cultural background, and individual differences. Additionally, the importance and priority of these needs can vary from person to person.
Each of us is unique and shaped by our individual life events and corresponding emotions. Many of our deepest needs are developed in childhood when our minds are taking in all the information they can. This information, whether positive or negative, creates our beliefs and values – and those create our entire world. It’s even been proven that stress in childhood has lasting effects on brain chemistry and development.
Each of us prioritizes our needs differently, and our decisions are based on which needs we put first. While the 6 human needs are deep-seated, remember that your past is not your future unless you live there. You can choose to fulfill your needs in a healthy way, as well as bring balance to your life by developing your ability to fulfill all of your needs equally.
Certainty
If certainty is one of your core needs, you need to feel secure and safe about the future. When you receive positive recognition, it may be accompanied by a need for certainty that the recognition is authentic and will continue. In order to live a life filled with certainty, your life has to stay the same – a nearly impossible expectation to fulfill. So, you artificially control your environment by changing your expectations or by avoiding new situations or people. This process provides you with assurance that your actions will either avoid pain or gain pleasure, which then fulfills the basic human need for certainty.
How to tell if certainty is one of your core needs: You are trustworthy and always do what you say you’ll do. You enjoy planning, thrive on a schedule and are very organized. You’re hesitant to take risks and have new experiences. You may fall into addictive or obsessive behaviors.
How to fulfill a need for certainty: Find activities that you enjoy, but that also push you slightly out of your comfort zone. Incorporate healthily and empowering routines into your life. Give back to others to promote growth and contribution in a consistent way.
Uncertainty/variety
Though it’s important to understand the beauty of uncertainty, those who experience this as one of their top basic human needs can take it to an extreme. They engage in frequent job or relationship changes for the sake of variety or take unnecessary risks to achieve the adrenaline jolt they crave. However, if uncertainty is one of your top 6 human needs, you will be unafraid of taking risks and will not avoid new situations or people.
How to tell if variety is one of your core needs: You’re generally outgoing and like meeting new people. You’re always willing to do something new and have many interests. You can be unfocused and lack planning skills, and perhaps push people away in relationships.
How to fulfill a need for variety: Feed your mind regularly with a variety of new information. Switch up your exercise routine, eat new foods and take classes with new people. Learn how to ignite passion in your life and relationships.
Significance
If significance is among the top two of your 6 human needs, then part of meeting that need includes receiving recognition. This translates into a desire to be seen, heard and listened to – in short, you want to be noticed. You measure significance by what you believe makes you unique compared to everyone else around you. Recognition provides you with a sense of validation that makes you feel seen, special, and/or needed. Recognition is a major driving force behind human behavior because it provides us with a measurement system to analyze and track our significance. Recognition is also an extremely important part of keeping up employee productivity.
Those who don’t devise a positive way to feel significant may end up taking drastic measures to make themselves feel good, like turning to alcohol or engaging in frequent arguments. Others surround themselves with people that they view as less skilled or accomplished to provide contrast to their own achievements. Either scenario can result in increased significance – but neither behavior is particularly healthy.
How to tell if significance is one of your core needs: You’re highly driven to be successful and love setting and reaching goals. You’re committed to a cause – or several causes. Others tell you that you stand out. You can be overly competitive, perfectionistic, or dramatic.
How to fulfill a need for significance: Channel your competitive nature into healthy activities by learning a new sport or skill or by volunteering. Work on your people skills to become a more well-rounded leader. Commit to total mastery of your profession or career.
Connection/love
If connection/love is your top basic human need, you are constantly seeking out a close relationship with someone or something. You truly understand that love wakes you up to the gift of life. People need love, and this can lead to some incredibly fulfilling relationships – but it can also cause you to sacrifice self-care in order to take care of others or maintain a partnership.
How to tell if connection is one of your core needs: Loyalty and generosity with those you love are your top values. You give freely and others find you trustworthy. You have strong social ties, but you can sometimes lose your sense of self and find it hard to say “no.”
How to fulfill a need for connection: Be willing to be vulnerable and create deeper, more meaningful friendships. Communicate your needs to your partner to improve intimacy. Achieve greater spirituality through prayer, meditation or connecting with nature.
Growth
Those whose foremost core need is growth are always striving to be better and learn more. They are very good at their jobs but tend to move on quickly as soon as they believe they’ve reached their full potential. Though their constant striving for betterment ensures they will never be bored, they can err on the side of perfectionism and neglect the rest and relaxation they need to keep stress levels manageable.
How to tell if growth is one of your core needs: You’re always pushing boundaries, both your own and those set for you by others and by society. You’re very independent and are not attached to material things. You may find it hard to connect with others and move on too quickly from relationships.
How to fulfill a need for growth: Develop your growth mindset even further by challenging yourself to not only learn, but truly master a difficult skill. Don’t forget emotional and spiritual growth: examine your limiting beliefs, learn to control your emotions and take up meditation or priming.
Contribution
The secret to living is giving, and those who experience contribution as one of their top 6 human needs know this better than anyone. If you have a need to contribute, you will likely make a big difference in your community. However, you can lose sight of the fact that giving begins at home and neglect those closest to you as you change the world.
How to tell if contribution is one of your core needs: You’re an extremely empathetic and compassionate person. You enjoy giving back and sharing what you have. You want to leave a legacy. Yet you may burn out easily or be taken advantage of by others.
How to fulfill a need for contribution: Giving back is the best way to fulfill this need. Don’t just join a volunteer group – start your own. The closer the cause is to your heart, the more fulfilled you will feel.
Flashcard Question: How do we develop our core needs?
Flashcard Answer: Our core needs are developed through a combination of nature and nurture. Our genetic makeup, life experiences, and the people we interact with all play a role in shaping our needs and how we try to fulfill them. Our needs can also change and evolve over time as we grow and learn from our experiences.
Many of your behaviors are based on which of your needs are – or are not – being met. Depending on which of the basic human needs are foremost in your personality, you could be spending a lot of time consciously or subconsciously meeting one or two of them. And if you don’t succeed, it could negatively impact your overall sense of well-being.
Knowing which of your 6 human needs is your primary driver and how this affects your ability to connect with others and develop healthy relationships is crucial to your understanding of what fuels you. It can also help you better understand and manage triggers and be in charge of your own emotions.
By better understanding which of the basic human needs is your driving force, you can set goals for yourself and implement positive behaviors to help you achieve those goals. Understanding these needs, and which ones you want to meet in any given moment, can help you embrace the power of growth and create new patterns that lead to lasting fulfillment.
When you decide to take action, there are three decisions you are making every moment of your life:
What am I going to focus on? Focus = feeling. Do you think about the past/present/future, do you think about yourself or others?
What does it mean? Is it the end or the beginning? Are you being punished or rewarded?
What are you going to do? Are you going to give up or move forward?
Acting sometimes require a mind-shift from a mind on resources towards a resourceful mind. Have you ever found yourself saying that you don't have the time, money, or other resources you need to achieve your goals? It's easy to feel overwhelmed or discouraged when we think we don't have what it takes to succeed. However, it's important to remember that becoming successful in meeting your needs and achieving your goals requires this shift in your mindset. Instead of focusing on external resources like time, money, and technology, try shifting your focus to developing internal qualities like creativity, determination, curiosity, and passion (= resourceful mind). These qualities can help you find solutions and make progress towards your goals, no matter what challenges you may face. So, if you're feeling stuck or uncertain about how to achieve your goals, try shifting your focus to becoming more resourceful and developing the qualities that will help you succeed. You might be surprised at what you can accomplish!
In conclusion, understanding the reasons why we do what we do is an important step in personal growth and self-awareness. Understanding the six human needs, and how they influence our actions, thoughts, and decisions can help us make more intentional and purposeful choices in life. Embrace this knowledge and use it to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Next chapter we will dive deeper into how to find our core strengths, which are closely related to our core values and needs. The journey continues.
What is the main reason for understanding the six human needs?
A) To identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others
B) To find absolute fulfillment and stop comparing ourselves to others
C) To make positive changes in our lives
D) All of the above
Answer: D) All of the above Explanation: Understanding the six human needs can help us identify what drives our own behavior and the behavior of others, as well as provide insight into what motivates us and what we need in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life. Additionally, understanding these needs can help us make positive changes in our lives and achieve our own unique success, rather than constantly comparing ourselves to others.
Which of the following is NOT one of the Six Human Needs?
A) Certainty
B) Love
C) Variety
D) Significance
Answer: B) Love Explanation: The Six Human Needs are often referred to as the "hierarchy of needs," as proposed by psychologist Abraham Maslow. These needs include certainty, variety, significance, love, connection, and growth. Love is not included in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but it is often considered a fundamental human need.
What is one reason why people behave differently even though we all have the same six basic human needs?
A) We prioritize our needs differently
B) We have different life experiences
C) We have different cultural backgrounds
D) All of the above
Answer: D) All of the above Explanation: While we all share the same six basic human needs, the way we prioritize and fulfill these needs can vary greatly from person to person. Our life experiences, cultural background, and individual differences all play a role in shaping how we behave and make decisions. Additionally, the importance and priority of our needs can change over time and can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as age, goals, values, and circumstances
Reflect on the six human needs discussed in the chapter: certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.
Think about which of these needs you prioritize the most and why.
Identify areas in your life where your needs are not being met in a healthy way and come up with a plan to fulfill them in a positive manner.
Reflect on how understanding your core needs can help you make more intentional and purposeful choices in your life.
In order to truly understand and apply the concepts discussed in this chapter on why we do what we do, it's important to take a step back and reflect on our own motivations and behavior. One exercise that can help with this is to make a list of your top values, and then consider how they shape your actions and decisions in your daily life. Reflect on if they align with your goals and aspirations in life and how you can align them better. This exercise will not only help you understand your values better, but it will also give you a clearer understanding of what drives you and what you want to achieve in life. Furthermore, it will also help you to identify if there are any areas of your life where you may be acting in ways that are not in alignment with your values, and make the necessary changes to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.
What are some of your personal values and how do they shape your actions and decisions in your daily life?
How do you currently fulfill your six basic human needs? Are there any areas where you struggle to meet them in a healthy way?
How can understanding your own needs and psychology help you achieve your goals and improve your relationships?
In what ways do you think society and culture shape our values, beliefs, and behaviors?
How can you use the knowledge of your needs to make more intentional and purposeful choices in your life?
Tony Robbins TED talk: "Why we do what we do" (https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_robbins_asks_why_we_do_what_we_do)
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/maslow-s-hierarchy-of-needs)
The Six Human Needs by Tony Robbins (https://www.tonyrobbins.com/the-six-human-needs/)
"Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us" by Daniel H. Pink (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/486584.Drive)
"The Power of Purpose" by Richard Leider (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/245918.The_Power_of_Purpose)
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4099.The_7_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People)
In an intimate relationship, if your partner ever starts thinking something or someone is more important than you, that will initiate serious pain. That “someone” could be your child, a mother, a father, your coworker or even an outside party. And the instant that happens – as soon as someone feels like something else is more significant than them – that is when the relationship starts to break down.
Outside of an intimate relationship, there are unlimited ways that people find significance in their lives. And those ways can be productive, neutral or destructive.
For example, if you meet your need for significance by giving more than anyone else – by finding your uniqueness by making a difference in the world – there is no downside to that, only upside. You find an organization that you’re passionate about and offer up your time or resources to help it succeed. The power of generosity and compassion can change the world.
But what about those who resort to violence? When someone points a gun at you, how significant are they in your life right now? They are life-and-death significant. Violence is the fastest and cheapest way to get a feeling of significance from others. Unfortunately, it destroys the person using it and the victims involved. But violence has been around the entirety of humanity’s history, and it will be around forever unless we realize this and make a conscious change.
When you’re thinking about why do you do what you do, consider how you meet your need for significance. Do you work harder than anyone else? Do you know more about sports than anyone else? Do you dress uniquely, or have more earrings or tattoos than anyone else? Do you buy certain brands? Do you own a luxury car? Do you have more education and more diplomas than anyone else?
There are a million ways to be significant. What is yours?
Love and connection: This need refers to the desire for emotional connection and relationships with others. People seek love and connection in order to feel a sense of belonging and support. Why do people do what they do? Throughout history, the answer has been love.
The problem with the need for significance is that it means you have to be different than everyone else. And just in the way that the need for certainty reveals the need for variety, the need for significance reveals the need for love and connection.
People find connection through friendship, sports or community. Other people get it through pets or art. Some prefer meditation or by being in nature. Some can get it through their faith and through prayer.
People find connection through sex, even when it’s meaningless. Some experience it during illness, when others attend to them. Some get it by creating problems. For example, if you don’t give a child attention for anything good, he will do something bad to get that attention and see that you care.
Adults do the same thing, but often in a more dramatic and more painful way, like by resorting to illegal or hurtful behavior. Or what about when you are doing well in your life, but you tell people a different story? You put a negative spin on something in order to make them feel better. That is just another example of how we meet our need for connection. But in this way, you’re taking power away from yourself just to make someone else feel more connected to you, which is ultimately destructive to your positive state.
The trigger for many people wondering “Why do I do the things I do?” is that they are unhappy in their relationships. Here’s the thing: Most people settle. They settle for connection because love has scarred them. But connection is like crumbs when compared to true love. True love is absolute joy, comfort and passion. And on the scale from zero to 10, it is a 10. Where are you? Most people are around a four or six. They aren’t happy, but they aren’t unhappy enough to change and make it better.
Growth: This need refers to the desire for personal development and improvement. People seek growth in order to fulfill their potential and achieve their goals.
The first four needs are critical. They are essential. You will always find a way to meet each of these needs, but these alone will not fulfill you. If you truly want to be fulfilled, then you must meet these final two needs – growth and contribution. These are the needs of your spirit. That is not meant in a religious sense, but in the sense of who you are at your core.
If you’re not growing, you’re dying. There is no such thing as a plateau or a comfortable, even place. If your relationship is not growing, it is dying. If your business is not growing, it’s dying. Where do you stand? Take an honest assessment of your life and ask yourself where you are growing and how that makes you feel? What area in your life is dying? And how does that make you suffer?
Contribution: This need refers to the desire to make a positive impact on others and the world. People seek contribution in order to feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Contribution will give your life meaning. When we give beyond ourselves, we live in a world of abundance and compassion. That is why Tony Robbins always says, “The secret to living is giving.” When is the last time you have contributed freely to another person or a cause outside of yourself? How did that make you feel?
A) Establishing a routine, lowering their expectations, and trying to control everything and everyone
B) Doing drugs, over-eating, and participating in extreme sports
C) Having a conversation with someone interesting, setting a new goal, and having a big problem
D) Being generous and compassionate, resorting to violence, and achieving fame or power
Answer: A) Establishing a routine, lowering their expectations, and trying to control everything and everyone
Which of the following is NOT a factor that can influence the development of our core needs?
A) Life experiences
B) Cultural background
C) Individual differences
D) Fashion trends
Answer: D) Fashion trends
In an intimate relationship, if your partner ever starts thinking something or someone is more important than you, that will initiate serious pain. That “someone” could be your child, a mother, a father, your coworker or even an outside party. And the instant that happens – as soon as someone feels like something else is more significant than them – that is when the relationship starts to break down.
Outside of an intimate relationship, there are unlimited ways that people find significance in their lives. And those ways can be productive, neutral or destructive.
For example, if you meet your need for significance by giving more than anyone else – by finding your uniqueness by making a difference in the world – there is no downside to that, only upside. You find an organization that you’re passionate about and offer up your time or resources to help it succeed. The power of generosity and compassion can change the world.
But what about those who resort to violence? When someone points a gun at you, how significant are they in your life right now? They are life-and-death significant. Violence is the fastest and cheapest way to get a feeling of significance from others. Unfortunately, it destroys the person using it and the victims involved. But violence has been around the entirety of humanity’s history, and it will be around forever unless we realize this and make a conscious change.
When you’re thinking about why do you do what you do, consider how you meet your need for significance. Do you work harder than anyone else? Do you know more about sports than anyone else? Do you dress uniquely, or have more earrings or tattoos than anyone else? Do you buy certain brands? Do you own a luxury car? Do you have more education and more diplomas than anyone else?
There are a million ways to be significant. What is yours?
Love and connection: This need refers to the desire for emotional connection and relationships with others. People seek love and connection in order to feel a sense of belonging and support. Why do people do what they do? Throughout history, the answer has been love.
The problem with the need for significance is that it means you have to be different than everyone else. And just in the way that the need for certainty reveals the need for variety, the need for significance reveals the need for love and connection.
People find connection through friendship, sports or community. Other people get it through pets or art. Some prefer meditation or by being in nature. Some can get it through their faith and through prayer.
People find connection through sex, even when it’s meaningless. Some experience it during illness, when others attend to them. Some get it by creating problems. For example, if you don’t give a child attention for anything good, he will do something bad to get that attention and see that you care.
Adults do the same thing, but often in a more dramatic and more painful way, like by resorting to illegal or hurtful behavior. Or what about when you are doing well in your life, but you tell people a different story? You put a negative spin on something in order to make them feel better. That is just another example of how we meet our need for connection. But in this way, you’re taking power away from yourself just to make someone else feel more connected to you, which is ultimately destructive to your positive state.
The trigger for many people wondering “Why do I do the things I do?” is that they are unhappy in their relationships. Here’s the thing: Most people settle. They settle for connection because love has scarred them. But connection is like crumbs when compared to true love. True love is absolute joy, comfort and passion. And on the scale from zero to 10, it is a 10. Where are you? Most people are around a four or six. They aren’t happy, but they aren’t unhappy enough to change and make it better.
Growth: This need refers to the desire for personal development and improvement. People seek growth in order to fulfill their potential and achieve their goals.
The first four needs are critical. They are essential. You will always find a way to meet each of these needs, but these alone will not fulfill you. If you truly want to be fulfilled, then you must meet these final two needs – growth and contribution. These are the needs of your spirit. That is not meant in a religious sense, but in the sense of who you are at your core.
If you’re not growing, you’re dying. There is no such thing as a plateau or a comfortable, even place. If your relationship is not growing, it is dying. If your business is not growing, it’s dying. Where do you stand? Take an honest assessment of your life and ask yourself where you are growing and how that makes you feel? What area in your life is dying? And how does that make you suffer?
Contribution: This need refers to the desire to make a positive impact on others and the world. People seek contribution in order to feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Contribution will give your life meaning. When we give beyond ourselves, we live in a world of abundance and compassion. That is why Tony Robbins always says, “The secret to living is giving.” When is the last time you have contributed freely to another person or a cause outside of yourself? How did that make you feel?
A) Establishing a routine, lowering their expectations, and trying to control everything and everyone
B) Doing drugs, over-eating, and participating in extreme sports
C) Having a conversation with someone interesting, setting a new goal, and having a big problem
D) Being generous and compassionate, resorting to violence, and achieving fame or power
Answer: A) Establishing a routine, lowering their expectations, and trying to control everything and everyone
Which of the following is NOT a factor that can influence the development of our core needs?
A) Life experiences
B) Cultural background
C) Individual differences
D) Fashion trends
Answer: D) Fashion trends
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