Your tech is solid. Your roadmap is ambitious. Your Discord has... well, it has people in it.

But when someone asks what you're building, you fumble. You mention the architecture before the problem. You say "decentralized" like it's a complete sentence. You pitch features to people who just want to know if this thing will make their life less annoying.

You didn't build something bad. You just explained it like shit.

And now? Confused users don't convert. They bounce. Your pitch deck gets polite nods and ghost emails. Your launch thread gets 14 likes from your team and three reply guys asking about tokenomics.

You rugged your own launch.

The Problem

Most web3 messaging commits the same crimes:

→ Explaining tech before explaining value
→ Listing features instead of outcomes
→ Using jargon as a credibility shield
→ Confusing community size with community conviction
→ Promising roadmaps instead of proving traction

It's not malicious. It's just lazy. And in a space where attention is scarce and skepticism is high, lazy messaging is a death sentence.

The Solution

I built the Messaging Crimes Kit to fix this.

It's a collection of crime scene dissections—cards that call out the most common offenses, show you how to rewrite them, and explain why it matters. Plus a cheat sheet of before/after examples, a messaging framework, and a self-audit so you can diagnose your own crimes.

Think of it as a zine meets brand framework, wrapped in noir mischief with just enough chaos glitter.

What's inside:

→ The Crime Scene Cards
9 cards breaking down specific messaging offenses—like "Token Without Narrative" or "Protocol Speak Overdose"—and showing you the fix.

→ The Rewrite Cheat Sheet
Before/after examples showing you exactly how to turn garbage copy into something that actually converts. Plus the 3-Question Clarity Test.

→ The Messaging Mini-Framework
5 questions that get you clarity in 10 minutes. Stop fumbling your pitch. Start with this.

→ The Self-Audit Checklist
A spicy quiz to assess which crimes you're currently committing. Spoiler: it's probably more than you think.

Get the Kit

Download the complete kit (free)

Inside you'll find:

• 9 Crime Scene Cards

• 9-slide Rewrite Cheat Sheet

• 5-card Messaging Framework

• Self-Audit Checklist

For collectors: The crime scene cards are available to mint on Zora.

The Bottom Line

Your messaging either opens doors or closes them. Every pitch, every tweet, every homepage sentence is either building conviction or leaking credibility.

Stop hiding behind buzzwords. Stop pitching architecture when you should be telling a story. Stop assuming people will "get it" if you just explain the tech one more time.

Fix your messaging. Keep the believers.

Found at the scene by $cryptojazzhands ✨