WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise turn of events, crypto exchange Binance has announced that it will be acquiring the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). This comes shortly after and in reaction to the SEC announcing that it would be suing Binance. "We are dropping all charges against Binance and Coinbase," said SEC Chairman Gary Gensler in a TikTok video this morning. "I see now that these exchanges are well-meaning and pushing forward innovation in our country. There are many reason...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise turn of events, crypto exchange Binance has announced that it will be acquiring the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). This comes shortly after and in reaction to the SEC announcing that it would be suing Binance. "We are dropping all charges against Binance and Coinbase," said SEC Chairman Gary Gensler in a TikTok video this morning. "I see now that these exchanges are well-meaning and pushing forward innovation in our country. There are many reason...

METAVERSE 一 Meta pulls the plug on 10,000 more workers after scrapping NFT support, all from the comfort of their own headsets. Zuckerberg arrived galloping across the rings of Saturn as a unicorn centaur, surrounded by confetti and rainbows, defying the laws of Metaphysics. Thousands of avatars had their virtual noses pressed against the digital glass of the multi-story "Spaced Station" while Uniberg floated majestically just out of reach. Co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a special ev...

METAVERSE 一 Meta pulls the plug on 10,000 more workers after scrapping NFT support, all from the comfort of their own headsets. Zuckerberg arrived galloping across the rings of Saturn as a unicorn centaur, surrounded by confetti and rainbows, defying the laws of Metaphysics. Thousands of avatars had their virtual noses pressed against the digital glass of the multi-story "Spaced Station" while Uniberg floated majestically just out of reach. Co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a special ev...

The latest version of ChatGPT released Monday had an unexpected new offering: advice for crypto investors. As with past versions, if you ask for investment advice, the AI will decline to give you any. However, users discovered that if you ask, “Sup wit coins, Don?” the AI software will give you its latest suggested buy. Don is a user-created character for ChatGPT that was based on the criteria of “some Jim Kramer”, “a smidge of Suze Orman,” and “ten tons of Michael Saylor.” As such, it gives ...

The latest version of ChatGPT released Monday had an unexpected new offering: advice for crypto investors. As with past versions, if you ask for investment advice, the AI will decline to give you any. However, users discovered that if you ask, “Sup wit coins, Don?” the AI software will give you its latest suggested buy. Don is a user-created character for ChatGPT that was based on the criteria of “some Jim Kramer”, “a smidge of Suze Orman,” and “ten tons of Michael Saylor.” As such, it gives ...

MENLO PARK — Facebook's parent company Meta has announced yet another name change. This time, the company will simply be known as "A.I." and will change its stock ticker once again to match. The new name reflects the company's commitment to artificial intelligence and its belief that machines will soon take over the world. "We've always known that our ultimate goal was to create an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful artificial intelligence," said Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of A.I....

MENLO PARK — Facebook's parent company Meta has announced yet another name change. This time, the company will simply be known as "A.I." and will change its stock ticker once again to match. The new name reflects the company's commitment to artificial intelligence and its belief that machines will soon take over the world. "We've always known that our ultimate goal was to create an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful artificial intelligence," said Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of A.I....

EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...

EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...

SAN FRANCISCO — Last week, Coinbase was given a Wells notice from the SEC. The Wells notice claimed that Coinbase is being too responsible an actor in the crypto space. “We don’t like it when we can’t figure out what a company is doing wrong,” explained Gary Gensler, Chairman of the SEC. “Are they committing securities fraud? I don’t have any evidence of that, but I would not be doing my job as a regulator if I didn’t try to figure out what I can stop them from doing.” Coinbase, since its fou...

SAN FRANCISCO — Last week, Coinbase was given a Wells notice from the SEC. The Wells notice claimed that Coinbase is being too responsible an actor in the crypto space. “We don’t like it when we can’t figure out what a company is doing wrong,” explained Gary Gensler, Chairman of the SEC. “Are they committing securities fraud? I don’t have any evidence of that, but I would not be doing my job as a regulator if I didn’t try to figure out what I can stop them from doing.” Coinbase, since its fou...

HOBOKEN — Mere miles from NFTNYC, just across the Hudson, an inaugural "NFT" event of a different sort was minting success. The vibe was electric and the high cut jeans were out in full force for the first annual Moms of Degens held April 13-14th, 2023 at the prestigious Hoboken Elk's Club. Attendees were greeted by staff at the door with looks of solidarity and a stylish hand-knitted swag bag containing super-saver coupons, a t-shirt for the hubby, tissue, and a paper passport book to c...

HOBOKEN — Mere miles from NFTNYC, just across the Hudson, an inaugural "NFT" event of a different sort was minting success. The vibe was electric and the high cut jeans were out in full force for the first annual Moms of Degens held April 13-14th, 2023 at the prestigious Hoboken Elk's Club. Attendees were greeted by staff at the door with looks of solidarity and a stylish hand-knitted swag bag containing super-saver coupons, a t-shirt for the hubby, tissue, and a paper passport book to c...

CHICAGO — The SEC continued its campaign of crackdowns by crashing the March meeting of the National Cryptozoology Society (NCS). A low-res video recording of the meeting appears to show Mr. Eric Bruness, a hirsute junior member of the SEC, stalking around the room and yelling at the bewildered society members. “All these weird pictures—that striped deer, the skinny goat thing, the big fish--are securities, and you need to report them on your taxes!” he says. The members attempted to explain ...

CHICAGO — The SEC continued its campaign of crackdowns by crashing the March meeting of the National Cryptozoology Society (NCS). A low-res video recording of the meeting appears to show Mr. Eric Bruness, a hirsute junior member of the SEC, stalking around the room and yelling at the bewildered society members. “All these weird pictures—that striped deer, the skinny goat thing, the big fish--are securities, and you need to report them on your taxes!” he says. The members attempted to explain ...

BREAKING — In April's Issue of The Rug NFT, we look at an upcoming bull market, a new drain on the American workforce, and Senator Warren's communication needs. For a limited time, you can collect one below for .0069 ETH.The Rug Vol II. NFT collection has over 200 owners so far. Issues 1, 2, 3, & 4 are available on the secondary market. nft://1/0xDA053438A2d17bf23822Fe138c723E26b324b411/?showBuying=true&showMeta=false For more of the mostly credible news source in Web3, follow @ther...

BREAKING — In April's Issue of The Rug NFT, we look at an upcoming bull market, a new drain on the American workforce, and Senator Warren's communication needs. For a limited time, you can collect one below for .0069 ETH.The Rug Vol II. NFT collection has over 200 owners so far. Issues 1, 2, 3, & 4 are available on the secondary market. nft://1/0xDA053438A2d17bf23822Fe138c723E26b324b411/?showBuying=true&showMeta=false For more of the mostly credible news source in Web3, follow @ther...

PALM BEACH — In a rushed press conference earlier today, former President Donald Trump breathlessly announced the launch of his second digital trading card collection. The new collection “Don’N’Friends” will mint 450,000 A.I.-generated images to the blockchain with all proceeds covering the former President’s upcoming bail. The collection’s art will feature different friends and allies of the former President as imagined by DALL-E 2 in response to a prompt delivered by Trump himself. The most...

PALM BEACH — In a rushed press conference earlier today, former President Donald Trump breathlessly announced the launch of his second digital trading card collection. The new collection “Don’N’Friends” will mint 450,000 A.I.-generated images to the blockchain with all proceeds covering the former President’s upcoming bail. The collection’s art will feature different friends and allies of the former President as imagined by DALL-E 2 in response to a prompt delivered by Trump himself. The most...

JALISCO — In a shocking turn of events, the world of cryptocurrencies has been rocked by the recent revelation of a Mexican drug cartel's alleged hijacking of Ethereum, the second-largest blockchain platform. This unprecedented incident has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, raising concerns about the potential abuse of decentralized technologies by criminal organizations. Reports suggest that the notorious Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG) has managed to exploit vulnerabil...

JALISCO — In a shocking turn of events, the world of cryptocurrencies has been rocked by the recent revelation of a Mexican drug cartel's alleged hijacking of Ethereum, the second-largest blockchain platform. This unprecedented incident has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, raising concerns about the potential abuse of decentralized technologies by criminal organizations. Reports suggest that the notorious Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG) has managed to exploit vulnerabil...

OMAHA 一 Michael Saylor, Bitcoin maxi and seven-time synchronous swimming champion, died yesterday at the age of 58 when he lost control of his eye-blazing abilities. It marked the end of a storied career of whatever it was he actually did besides tweeting about Bitcoin. Born in a frathouse in 1965 and abandoned by his mother, Saylor was raised by a pack of self-absorbed and utterly capricious men in their late teens. They taught him about the most important things in life, like becoming rich ...

OMAHA 一 Michael Saylor, Bitcoin maxi and seven-time synchronous swimming champion, died yesterday at the age of 58 when he lost control of his eye-blazing abilities. It marked the end of a storied career of whatever it was he actually did besides tweeting about Bitcoin. Born in a frathouse in 1965 and abandoned by his mother, Saylor was raised by a pack of self-absorbed and utterly capricious men in their late teens. They taught him about the most important things in life, like becoming rich ...