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Honestly, though.
That’s the question I’ve been asking myself all week (and every single week since I was 19…).
And before I get into it, I want to let you know that I just came out of my therapist’s office, and I pray I don’t regret what I share, hah.
But as a reader myself, I know these are the kinds of texts I love the most — the honest ones.
So, if you’ve been on this newsletter for a while, you know this:
I’m in therapy.
And it’s hard.
Not hard in the way gym bros say it’s hard — where you feel like you just have to push and push.
It’s more like walking into a haunted house - and you have no idea when you get to come out.
Everything feels chaotic, raw, and seriously unexpected.
You don´t know what's in the next room (but it´s probably scary).
You also don´t know how to deal with it or the fear (because you´ve never had that exact thing coming at you before).
You´re just constantly trying to deal with whatever hits you.
It´s exhausting.
And then!
And then, my friend!
Then you have to sit your ass down and work??!?
As if you haven’t just worked your ass off to survive all of that… before 11 a.m?!?!?!?
I mean,
Share Dialog
Seriously.
How?
Why?
What even is this life?
Okay Sara… Breathe. Brrrrreeeeeathe.
I´m trying to calm my ass down…
This needs to be more than me just freaking out.
I need to figure out how we do this.
How the hell do we do therapy when life keeps lifing and work needs working?
I don´t know.
And I know I’ll never have “the answer”.
But here are my immediate thoughts and principles I’ll try:
1. Don’t work immediately after.
I used to not work at all on the day of therapy, but now that I do it twice per week — and also have a marketing campaign I gotta finish before midday Friday — instead I just give myself 1–2 hours with no “plan” so that I’m free to journal, cry, feel, and allow the feelings to be felt.
2. Talk to friends and family.
I have a mom I can always talk to (thank uuuu, mom)— and most of my close friends are all in therapy too. I know every time I bring my therapy stuff up with them, they’re so, so good at listening and giving space for me to actually feel (thank uuuu, friends).
3. Realize that being a part of life is the best way to do therapy.
Life keeps giving you triggers. “Triggers reveal where you are not free,” as Peter Crone says. The only reason therapy is hard right now is because I started a new form of therapy, and it’s soooo triggering. Bringing up all these emotions and memories — all in need of attention to heal and free me.
4. I will not — under any circumstance (now or ever) — allow people with Antisocial Personality Disorder (i.e., sociopaths/psychopaths) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder to have any access to me.
Block, delete — for absolute ever. (Can you tell I´ve been burned multiple times? Haha - not anymore)
5. Drastically reduce the number of things on my schedule.
For me, I’ve decided not to post anything online this week — except to send this email — because I truly love sending letters to you. But me posting my face? Heeeell nah, not this week. Sara´s human form and times… That´s reserved for me. And only me.
So yeah.
I’ll start there.
(And save this one if you need it too 💌)
And yeah, life update?
Haha, I don’t think you need one. I think you just got one.
But more importantly, to take care of me, I’m choosing to stop writing right now.
And I hope you take beautiful care of yourself this weekend and next week.
In your mess — and at your best.
— Sara <3
Sara Endestad
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