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Vitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...

Twitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...

Petty Thugs Look for Curve CEO
LONDON — Curve CEO Michael Egorov owes money all over the blockchain. The DeFI guru is 80 M in debt, leveraged to his eyeballs, and staring down the barrel of a margin call shotgun. Blockchains, and their protocol's, are notorious for being "unhuman", that is strictly ran on code. However, given the outsized position of Egorov's debt he now has several petty thugs passing his photo around town, and asking if, "anybody has seen him." Unfortunately the thugs are not that bright, and t...

Vitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...

Twitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...

Petty Thugs Look for Curve CEO
LONDON — Curve CEO Michael Egorov owes money all over the blockchain. The DeFI guru is 80 M in debt, leveraged to his eyeballs, and staring down the barrel of a margin call shotgun. Blockchains, and their protocol's, are notorious for being "unhuman", that is strictly ran on code. However, given the outsized position of Egorov's debt he now has several petty thugs passing his photo around town, and asking if, "anybody has seen him." Unfortunately the thugs are not that bright, and t...
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JALISCO — In a shocking turn of events, the world of cryptocurrencies has been rocked by the recent revelation of a Mexican drug cartel's alleged hijacking of Ethereum, the second-largest blockchain platform. This unprecedented incident has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, raising concerns about the potential abuse of decentralized technologies by criminal organizations.
Reports suggest that the notorious Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG) has managed to exploit vulnerabilities in the Ethereum network during the Shapella upgrade as core devs were “high on their own supply”, gaining unauthorized access and control over a significant portion of its operations.
It is thought the motivation behind this attack was the misguided pursuit of LSD(s) to extend its client “offerings”. This theory would seem to hold water as one of the cartels' only known weaknesses is initialisms; FBI, CIA and OMG have all tripped up the cartel in recent years, not to mention the LGBTQ+ fiasco.
While the details of the cartel's precise methods remain undisclosed, experts believe that their sophisticated gun wielding skills, commanding mustaches, vast resources and mountains of cocaine played a crucial role in this audacious endeavor.
This incident highlights the pressing need for enhanced security measures within the cryptocurrency ecosystem, as this and other criminal enterprises, such as the Gary Gensler Gang, adapt to exploit weaknesses for their gain.
As the world grapples with emerging challenges, it is crucial for regulators, developers, and stakeholders to collaborate closely in order to ensure a safe and dope free digital future.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
JALISCO — In a shocking turn of events, the world of cryptocurrencies has been rocked by the recent revelation of a Mexican drug cartel's alleged hijacking of Ethereum, the second-largest blockchain platform. This unprecedented incident has sent shockwaves through the crypto community, raising concerns about the potential abuse of decentralized technologies by criminal organizations.
Reports suggest that the notorious Jalisco New Generation Cartel (CJNG) has managed to exploit vulnerabilities in the Ethereum network during the Shapella upgrade as core devs were “high on their own supply”, gaining unauthorized access and control over a significant portion of its operations.
It is thought the motivation behind this attack was the misguided pursuit of LSD(s) to extend its client “offerings”. This theory would seem to hold water as one of the cartels' only known weaknesses is initialisms; FBI, CIA and OMG have all tripped up the cartel in recent years, not to mention the LGBTQ+ fiasco.
While the details of the cartel's precise methods remain undisclosed, experts believe that their sophisticated gun wielding skills, commanding mustaches, vast resources and mountains of cocaine played a crucial role in this audacious endeavor.
This incident highlights the pressing need for enhanced security measures within the cryptocurrency ecosystem, as this and other criminal enterprises, such as the Gary Gensler Gang, adapt to exploit weaknesses for their gain.
As the world grapples with emerging challenges, it is crucial for regulators, developers, and stakeholders to collaborate closely in order to ensure a safe and dope free digital future.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
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