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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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OMAHA 一 Michael Saylor, Bitcoin maxi and seven-time synchronous swimming champion, died yesterday at the age of 58 when he lost control of his eye-blazing abilities. It marked the end of a storied career of whatever it was he actually did besides tweeting about Bitcoin.
Born in a frathouse in 1965 and abandoned by his mother, Saylor was raised by a pack of self-absorbed and utterly capricious men in their late teens. They taught him about the most important things in life, like becoming rich and then making sure everyone knows it.
However, Saylor’s fratboy parents were unequipped to help little Mikey with controlling the welding torch radiance emitted from both of his eyes. Until the age of 12, he was effectively blind, having to wear lead-shield sunglasses nearly all of the time. That was until he met Professor B and enrolled in the School for Future Finance Bros.
Professor B developed a high-tech set of glasses that could help Saylor control and focus the powerful light beams from his eyes. Saylor trained for hours a day with the Professor on how to make the beams look cool for photos. Other students at the school who, unlike Saylor, had basic writing abilities, would write finance articles for Saylor to attach his name and photos to.
After becoming well-known for having lots of money and talking about it incessantly on Twitter, Saylor became overconfident in his abilities, leading to the recent incident. When posing for a photo to go with his tweet, “My soul is made of Bitcoin and I’m going to sell it to God for $$$,” he overexposed his glasses with light, which caused them to explode, taking out half his skull with it.
Until more is known about the incident, it’s unclear if it was an accident or if he was serious about the transaction described in his tweet.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
OMAHA 一 Michael Saylor, Bitcoin maxi and seven-time synchronous swimming champion, died yesterday at the age of 58 when he lost control of his eye-blazing abilities. It marked the end of a storied career of whatever it was he actually did besides tweeting about Bitcoin.
Born in a frathouse in 1965 and abandoned by his mother, Saylor was raised by a pack of self-absorbed and utterly capricious men in their late teens. They taught him about the most important things in life, like becoming rich and then making sure everyone knows it.
However, Saylor’s fratboy parents were unequipped to help little Mikey with controlling the welding torch radiance emitted from both of his eyes. Until the age of 12, he was effectively blind, having to wear lead-shield sunglasses nearly all of the time. That was until he met Professor B and enrolled in the School for Future Finance Bros.
Professor B developed a high-tech set of glasses that could help Saylor control and focus the powerful light beams from his eyes. Saylor trained for hours a day with the Professor on how to make the beams look cool for photos. Other students at the school who, unlike Saylor, had basic writing abilities, would write finance articles for Saylor to attach his name and photos to.
After becoming well-known for having lots of money and talking about it incessantly on Twitter, Saylor became overconfident in his abilities, leading to the recent incident. When posing for a photo to go with his tweet, “My soul is made of Bitcoin and I’m going to sell it to God for $$$,” he overexposed his glasses with light, which caused them to explode, taking out half his skull with it.
Until more is known about the incident, it’s unclear if it was an accident or if he was serious about the transaction described in his tweet.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
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