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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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TYSONS CORNER — On June 23, at roughly 8 am EST, MicroStrategy purchased 245 BTC at an average price of $29,860 per bitcoin, completing their goal of acquiring all of the existing bitcoins.
There are now no more bitcoins left to buy, according to blockchain experts. “I feel fine, maybe a bit melancholy,” said Michael Saylor, chairman and former CEO of MicroStrategy. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll throw a little party to celebrate?”
Even Satoshi’s famous bitcoin stash was acquired by Microstrategy in a quiet OTC trade earlier this month. To complete this deal, MicroStrategy met privately with Satoshi. “We promised not to reveal anything about Satoshi,” said a MicroStrategy spokesperson, “But I’ll just say that it’s not who you think it is.” There are still roughly 1.6 million bitcoins to be mined over the next ~140 years. “Of course we’ll be buying those, too,” mumbled Saylor, staring blankly into the middle distance. “So at least that gives us something to do. Something to look forward to, I guess.”
There is an estimated one million coins that are “lost forever,” which MicroStrategy will sadly never get a chance to buy. When these coins were mentioned, Saylor’s eyes brightened: “Yes, of course! We are absolutely going to go after those coins. They could be on someone’s dusty harddrive in an attic, or in a garbage dump. Wherever they are, we will search for them, and we will find them! Even if it takes the rest of our lives!” Saylor then started scribbling plans down on paper, calling people, and pacing around the room.
Bitcoin is down 4% on the news.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
TYSONS CORNER — On June 23, at roughly 8 am EST, MicroStrategy purchased 245 BTC at an average price of $29,860 per bitcoin, completing their goal of acquiring all of the existing bitcoins.
There are now no more bitcoins left to buy, according to blockchain experts. “I feel fine, maybe a bit melancholy,” said Michael Saylor, chairman and former CEO of MicroStrategy. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll throw a little party to celebrate?”
Even Satoshi’s famous bitcoin stash was acquired by Microstrategy in a quiet OTC trade earlier this month. To complete this deal, MicroStrategy met privately with Satoshi. “We promised not to reveal anything about Satoshi,” said a MicroStrategy spokesperson, “But I’ll just say that it’s not who you think it is.” There are still roughly 1.6 million bitcoins to be mined over the next ~140 years. “Of course we’ll be buying those, too,” mumbled Saylor, staring blankly into the middle distance. “So at least that gives us something to do. Something to look forward to, I guess.”
There is an estimated one million coins that are “lost forever,” which MicroStrategy will sadly never get a chance to buy. When these coins were mentioned, Saylor’s eyes brightened: “Yes, of course! We are absolutely going to go after those coins. They could be on someone’s dusty harddrive in an attic, or in a garbage dump. Wherever they are, we will search for them, and we will find them! Even if it takes the rest of our lives!” Saylor then started scribbling plans down on paper, calling people, and pacing around the room.
Bitcoin is down 4% on the news.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
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