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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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PALO ALTO — Currently living with his parents while out on bail pending trial, Sam Bankman-Fried, aka SBF, was arrested on Friday when his bail was revoked by Judge Lewis Kaplan. According to court records, Kaplan noted, "a flagrant disregard for the court’s order to ensure the public display of his physical appearance does not compel others to violence."
In other words, SBF was told not to publicly display what is more commonly known as a "punchable face," yet he did anyway.
Early in his inevitable return to his parents’ basement, once again coddled and guided by real adults, SBF kept a low profile and his punchable face off of the internet. Crypto Twitter was pleased to not have to see his sheepish grin showing through Little Orphan Annie curls. "I don’t consider myself someone who’s particularly violent," said cryptokeeper77. "But seeing SBF’s petulant little fucking face has made me punch a hole in my monitor, more than once. I was doing great for a while with my last monitor and no pictures of SBF showing up on it. Until last week."
Apparently, SBF decided he would enter a promotional "Hot or Not" contest on Threads, the only social media platform he had been allowed access to. He was sure the soft-focused photo of him enjoying a banana was sure to delight. Instead, Thread users immediately began reporting extreme bursts of rage that led to broken laptops and vomit between keys. Judge Kaplan was then notified of the complaints by Meta staff.
On his way to jail, SBF, in a shrill, discordant tone making his escorts wince, was quoted saying, "I’m sorry for those I offended with my face. Like, it’s just my face and there’s not much I can do about it. In hindsight, I guess I could have taken steps to make it less punchable. But I was distracted…"
SBF was punched in the face mid-sentence by one of the arresting officers, then hauled away into the jailhouse.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
PALO ALTO — Currently living with his parents while out on bail pending trial, Sam Bankman-Fried, aka SBF, was arrested on Friday when his bail was revoked by Judge Lewis Kaplan. According to court records, Kaplan noted, "a flagrant disregard for the court’s order to ensure the public display of his physical appearance does not compel others to violence."
In other words, SBF was told not to publicly display what is more commonly known as a "punchable face," yet he did anyway.
Early in his inevitable return to his parents’ basement, once again coddled and guided by real adults, SBF kept a low profile and his punchable face off of the internet. Crypto Twitter was pleased to not have to see his sheepish grin showing through Little Orphan Annie curls. "I don’t consider myself someone who’s particularly violent," said cryptokeeper77. "But seeing SBF’s petulant little fucking face has made me punch a hole in my monitor, more than once. I was doing great for a while with my last monitor and no pictures of SBF showing up on it. Until last week."
Apparently, SBF decided he would enter a promotional "Hot or Not" contest on Threads, the only social media platform he had been allowed access to. He was sure the soft-focused photo of him enjoying a banana was sure to delight. Instead, Thread users immediately began reporting extreme bursts of rage that led to broken laptops and vomit between keys. Judge Kaplan was then notified of the complaints by Meta staff.
On his way to jail, SBF, in a shrill, discordant tone making his escorts wince, was quoted saying, "I’m sorry for those I offended with my face. Like, it’s just my face and there’s not much I can do about it. In hindsight, I guess I could have taken steps to make it less punchable. But I was distracted…"
SBF was punched in the face mid-sentence by one of the arresting officers, then hauled away into the jailhouse.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
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