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The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
>300 subscribers
The RugMom Thinks It’s Nice That You Do That Computer Money Stuff
GREAT FALLS — On a recent call with your mother, the subject of what you do for a living inevitably came up. You went on to explain, for the seventh time this month, how you now audit smart contracts for flaws and vulnerabilities, earning a combination of fiat and ETH on a biweekly basis. Your mom replied, “I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s really nice how you do that computer money stuff.” Early attempts to explain your vocation to your mother go back to early 2021 when you were ...
The RugTwitter Rebrands to “X” Commemorating Drop to 10th Best Social Media Platform
SAN FRANCISCO — In a celebratory move, Twitter CEO Elon Musk changed the name of the platform to “X” commemorating its spot on a list of social media platforms. According to HootSuite, it now ranks 10th behind powerhouses such as Truth Social and Holla. Before the new list was announced Musk was planning to rebrand his social media company as “X AE, v. non-child.” Employees breathed a sigh of relief. “Pretty sure we would have immediately lost all of our users if he named us that,” said Chief...
The RugVitalik Suspected of Extraterrestrial Origins
EARTH — Conspiracy theorists have taken to Reddit this week in a wild and unfounded notion that Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin is from a recently discovered planet located between Venus and Mercury. Redditors are calling the planet “Cryptomar.” The contention that the blockchain guru is from another planetary body is loosely based on conjecture that he “looks like an alien” and the fact that he put Earth as his location in his twitter bio.Vitalik lists twitter location as "Earth".Despite al...
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METAVERSE 一 Meta pulls the plug on 10,000 more workers after scrapping NFT support, all from the comfort of their own headsets.
Zuckerberg arrived galloping across the rings of Saturn as a unicorn centaur, surrounded by confetti and rainbows, defying the laws of Metaphysics. Thousands of avatars had their virtual noses pressed against the digital glass of the multi-story "Spaced Station" while Uniberg floated majestically just out of reach.
Co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a special event this past week in the developer build of Horizon Worlds, the Meta created virtual landscape, under the guise of needing all hands on deck for an exciting new feature announcement.
"Oooooo, I bet today is finally the day. Avatars with legs! This will be huge!" former employee Chandra Mills recalls thinking before the meeting kicked off. "We were all just hanging out on this space station, thousands of us, with our rocket torsos zipping us with bated breath around the station. It was electric." Little did the leg waiters know that the exciting new feature in question would cost them more than their legs.
His speech started out enthusiastic and innocuous enough with the usually ambiguous tech leadership terms shooting across the bow of the station, space pyrotechnics, galaxy-spanning slides, and all. Then it all started to unravel as his golden horn began to glow a faint red and the true nature of the event was revealed.
The latest cuts were framed as being part of Meta's broader "year of efficiency" campaign, where the company gets "performance-ready" while flattening its organizational structure, "canceling lower-priority projects," and optimizing for success in uncertain times.
"Magic missile! Magic missile!" Uniberg cackled as his horn was now pulsating bright red. Employees were being deleted left and right by a devastating laser beam of death piercing the walls of the station, sending everything it touched into Metablivion.
"Don't lose your head over our exciting new feature, less overhead!" read the rainbow trails flowing from Nyan Cat's pixelated posterior as it zipped around behind the horse of a different color.
What followed was a flurry of outrage, confusion, and awkward spatial positioning as panic swept over the station. Some just floated there, ready to take it, trying to get one last word in before the inevitable.
"C'mon man, you were supposed to be the chosen one," a dumbfounded employee yelled through a garbled, $10 headset mic.
Poof!
"Just because I am not wearing pants during large portions of my workday doesn't mean you shouldn't respect me."
"What are we, some kind of throwaway 10,000 PFP collection to you?"
Poof! Poof!
"What am I going to tell my parents about that virtual retirement home I was going to send them to?"
"But what about my NFTs on Instagram? How will I make strangers jealous of my on-chain life now?"
"You will never have a band as cool as the Winklevoss... arghhh'"
Poof! Poof! and Poof!
Just as Zuckerberg was about to exit through the tear in spacetime from which he came, he turned back to those unlucky few still on the station struggling to make sense of the cacophony of digital destruction. "Oh, and we are pivoting to AI b-t-dubs."
"The unicorn balls on that son-of-a-bitch."
Poof!
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
METAVERSE 一 Meta pulls the plug on 10,000 more workers after scrapping NFT support, all from the comfort of their own headsets.
Zuckerberg arrived galloping across the rings of Saturn as a unicorn centaur, surrounded by confetti and rainbows, defying the laws of Metaphysics. Thousands of avatars had their virtual noses pressed against the digital glass of the multi-story "Spaced Station" while Uniberg floated majestically just out of reach.
Co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a special event this past week in the developer build of Horizon Worlds, the Meta created virtual landscape, under the guise of needing all hands on deck for an exciting new feature announcement.
"Oooooo, I bet today is finally the day. Avatars with legs! This will be huge!" former employee Chandra Mills recalls thinking before the meeting kicked off. "We were all just hanging out on this space station, thousands of us, with our rocket torsos zipping us with bated breath around the station. It was electric." Little did the leg waiters know that the exciting new feature in question would cost them more than their legs.
His speech started out enthusiastic and innocuous enough with the usually ambiguous tech leadership terms shooting across the bow of the station, space pyrotechnics, galaxy-spanning slides, and all. Then it all started to unravel as his golden horn began to glow a faint red and the true nature of the event was revealed.
The latest cuts were framed as being part of Meta's broader "year of efficiency" campaign, where the company gets "performance-ready" while flattening its organizational structure, "canceling lower-priority projects," and optimizing for success in uncertain times.
"Magic missile! Magic missile!" Uniberg cackled as his horn was now pulsating bright red. Employees were being deleted left and right by a devastating laser beam of death piercing the walls of the station, sending everything it touched into Metablivion.
"Don't lose your head over our exciting new feature, less overhead!" read the rainbow trails flowing from Nyan Cat's pixelated posterior as it zipped around behind the horse of a different color.
What followed was a flurry of outrage, confusion, and awkward spatial positioning as panic swept over the station. Some just floated there, ready to take it, trying to get one last word in before the inevitable.
"C'mon man, you were supposed to be the chosen one," a dumbfounded employee yelled through a garbled, $10 headset mic.
Poof!
"Just because I am not wearing pants during large portions of my workday doesn't mean you shouldn't respect me."
"What are we, some kind of throwaway 10,000 PFP collection to you?"
Poof! Poof!
"What am I going to tell my parents about that virtual retirement home I was going to send them to?"
"But what about my NFTs on Instagram? How will I make strangers jealous of my on-chain life now?"
"You will never have a band as cool as the Winklevoss... arghhh'"
Poof! Poof! and Poof!
Just as Zuckerberg was about to exit through the tear in spacetime from which he came, he turned back to those unlucky few still on the station struggling to make sense of the cacophony of digital destruction. "Oh, and we are pivoting to AI b-t-dubs."
"The unicorn balls on that son-of-a-bitch."
Poof!
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on Twitter and subscribe to our newsletter.
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